Love.Angel.Music.Baby.Nipple?

I love the nipple slip. Not Gwen's specifically, just in general. It just goes to show that they can't dress themselves properly, and these wardrobe malfunctions happen all the time. It proves my theory that stars just kind of lie down and have people dress them. People with no clear fashion sense who think that throwing on a leopard print dress on a chick is going to be "hot". If you remember correctly (and you better . . . or else) I had posted a comparison picture many moons ago showing similar print dresses that Stefani and Lohan were wearing to the same event. Lohan was at least safe from the nipple slip since her tatas were extremely deflated due to her alleged cocaine addiction . . . err . . I mean stress from having a crazy father. Yeah, that'll do it. *rolls eyes*

But anyway, lots of people find Gwen to be attractive. So, this is for you. I hope you enjoy it. Now, hows'about clicking on some of those ads on the side so I can finally get paid around here. Seriously, Christmas is coming . . . and at this rate, I'm going to end up giving away cans of cranberry sauce to people. Hmm . . . I guess that can't be that bad right? Everyone loves cranberry sauce.

Cocaine's a Hell of a Drug

Immortal words quoted by Rick James, Kate Moss knows all about this. A short video clip recently surfaced of her flopping around like a topless fish during some modeling shoot. I guess, when you have enough cocaine in you to powder a whole day's worth of yummy cocaine-flavored donuts, things like this are bound to happen. I could go on and on making fun of Kate Moss, but seriously, the video does it for me. So, click here and check out what a pre-exorcism . . err . . . I mean rehab Moss was up to.

Initial Attempt - Foiled

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Magical Box Office Kaching

1. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - This had a 100+ million dollar opening, which is the best for the franchise so far along with setting some sort of record for November. I tell you, these books have made people really really rich thanks to not only sales of the paper version but ticket revenue from the film versions. I just hope people don't start to worship JK Rowling like L Ron Hubbard . . . but then again . . . she didn't write Battlefield Earth . . . so how bad could that religion be really?

2. Walk the Line - I did not know that Joaquin Pa-hoe-nix could sing . . . maybe it's that frog in gnawing its way through his brain. It could be that a byproduct of this happening is him developing a Johnny Cash-esque singing voice. He does pretty well in this . . . and I did not mind getting dragged to this movie by my wife. Sure, Reese Whitherspoon's chin scares me, but it doesn't get in the way of the acting.

3. Chicken Little - I like Zach Braff. I watch his Scrubs show, I dig his Garden State movie . . . I hate that he sold out to Disney. Oh well, a man has to fund his developing hooker habit right. Allegedly of course. And let me rephrase . . . I didn't mean hookers. I mean underage catholic schoolgirls. How silly of me.

4. Derailed - I don't know what's harder to believe, the plot of this psychological thriller or the fact that Clive Owen agreed to roll around in the sack with man-faced Jennifer Aniston and have Xhibit punk him around. Sure, Aniston has a body that most women would kill for . . . but that face. Even GQ recognizes this and named her "Man of the Year".

5. Zathura - Looks like the Jumanji sequel is going pretty much unwatched. It's a shame because I hear it's really good. Even though it has that guy from the first season of Punk'd on it. Oh well, I'm pretty sure I'll catch this on DVD. The wife doesn't want to go see this because it's a kid's movie . . . but I didn't see her have any problems with dragging me to the Spongebob Squarepants movie.

6. Jarhead - This was a good movie about nothing. I guess you could call it the Seinfeld of war movies. It's pretty fucking funny too, if you don't mind male nudity. Thankfully, the audience I watched it with didn't get all "Ewww" when things like male ass were on the screen. I hate it when that happens. Like they haven't seen their own ass before. Grow up people.

7. Get Rich or Die Tryin' - I really wish that Half'a'dolla would have died trying to get rich. Then, this would be much more interesting. All the good gangster movies end that way. There are no happy endings in gangster movies. Otherwise, it's a joke . . . much like 50 Cent's career.

8. Saw 2 - I have not seen it, so I can't tell you if I saw Saw . . haha, get it. Saw. That's what the French call a "double entendre", and although it sounds kinda like something you would find in a porno movie, it's perfectly safe to use this term around your parents. Specially if your parents are into porn. Then they'll go off to their room and try to do a double entendre. Just make sure you have extra hips lying around for an impending replacement surgery.

9. The Legend of Zorro - The legend should be how it got made in the first place. I would understand if this was made a couple of years after the original, when we were all on a Zorro high. But this movie just looks like it's treading old water. Same with Zeta Jones, who just needs to stick to T-Mobile ads and letting old guys pork her.

10. Pride and Prejudice - This seems to be a sci-fi adaptation of the Jane Austen book . . . because it casts Keira Knightly as the frumpy unkempt sister who nobody wants to marry? Sure, her rack needs a little work (as evidenced by her nude scenes in The Jacket) but she's not ugly. She can't act very well, but that's a different story. Other than that, I have no interest in this movie unless there is hardcore sex in it. Yeah, I didn't think there was either. Pass!

Impending Plastic Doom

You work hard, put in extra hours, horde all your money to try to pay off the stupid purchases of your credit card past. That's pretty much what I do. Try to put out a credit forest fire with a spoonful of water at a time. It's nearly impossible. Specially when Bill Gates decides it's time for your gaming console to become obsolete and we all need to go out and buy a new one. Sure, the X Box has been around for a while. So, every so often new consoles come out. It's just the evolution of the videogame industry.

The problem is, I'm going to have to dip into the credit cards to afford this purchase. Sure, I could not pay rent for a month and then buy it no problem . . . but I'm sure my landlord would not like that all that much. And to the crazy people out there who are even thinking "Why do you need to buy it anyway? Why not just wait 'til you have the cash?" Are you kidding me? Wait? And be the only punk on the block without an X Box 360?? No friggin way. There are advantages to getting this at launch time too.

The accessories that come bundled with the 400 dollar package total out to 225 bucks of extra stuff. The 300 buck version pretty much comes stripped of these add ons, and it comes with a wired controller? What is this . . . 1985? The expensive bundle comes with a wireless controller, the essential 20 gig hard drive, all sorts of cables and a universal remote control which is only available for a short time. So it's key that I get this tomorrow . . . and then take the hit to the credit card.

Sure, I won't be opening the box until Christmas. I know, how gay. My wife just wants me to have something cool to open that day, and since she's paying for a fraction of it, I guess she has some say as to when I can finally get my mitts on this gaming dream of a console. Which means that for a month and change, I will be staring at the closet or storage area housing the X Box 360 box intently. I hope this doesn't bother the wife. So, if you're in Los Angeles . . . I suggest you wait til Wednesday to go get your 360. That'll give me enough time to go to the store and get the one I want undisrupted.

Wastes of Space to Wed

As I was browsing through the yahoo news page, I found this completely irrelevant story, much like the subjects it's covering, about the recent engagement of Kimberly Stewart to Talan Torriero. You may know Kimberly from being the waste of space daughter of Rod Stewart . . . or as the girl that fell of the motorcycle accompanying Paris Hilton on the red carpet. Yeah, she's one of these rich socialite heiresses that if not for her parent's success . . . she would end up on the street charging 5 bucks a pop in her mouth.Talan, you might know if you're a girl and you watch Laguna Beach religiously. The article called him one of the "stars" of that show. I didn't know reality television crap could have stars. Anyway, expect their impending wedded union to creaty some sort of blackhole that will suck everything into it. I don't see anything else happening other than that.

These two were last seen in the backseat of Paris Hilton's Greek Shipping Heir's Bently as he rear-ended a delivery truck while attempting to run down some paparazzi. In that video, later on, the car was pulled over by the cops, and it shows him clearly saying "I'm the only one sober here, let's get out of here" and promptly gets in the backseat. If this is how he acts sober, I wonder what mental state he was in when he proposed to Stewart. I'm pretty sure that whatever state that was, he kept hearing "Kaching!" in the background over and over again.

Search Terms A Plenty

Back to our weekly feature of search terms that got people to my blog. It's sad really, since these people were obviously looking for some information on the web and they landed here instead. Haha! Suckers. Learned you a lesson . . . and hopefully gained a reader.

kroq song birchum sandman - from Google, seems like someone in Los Angeles is looking for old Adam Carolla MP3's. Good luck buddy. Those things are golden. Specially his Birchum bits.

RE CAP OF LOST - from MSN, seems that people who missed last night's episode were looking for info on it, and found last week's recap. Sorry, teehee. If you want to know what happened, pretty much the first 48 days of the tail section of flight 815. Their run-ins with the Others and their own Ethan Rom-esque mole. It was good, but my wife hates Michelle Rodriguez and her ugly cry face. So she was mocking her throughtout the whole thing.

Jimmy Kimmel and black women - from Google, which yields some interesting search results. Don't know what they were looking for but they most likely found my gripe with black people and their self-entitlement to cut in line whenever they want. I know that's probably not what they were looking for . . . but oh well.

anne hathaway havoc quicktime - from Google and other search engines. Many permutations of this search query have been coming in. Perverts I tell you. How dare you try to check out the rack of the Princess with the Mammaries . . err . . . I mean diaries.

"evangeline lilly" pushups - from Google, I actually would be interested in more information about this as well. Someone, please hook it up . . . for the wife. Yeah, that's right . . the wife. *wink*

damon lindeloff numbers - from French Google . . . freakin frogs always looking for info on my blog. I tell you, I feel like Joaquin Phoenix . . . is there a frenchman crawling out of my head? I think he mistook my gray matter for some tasty escargot.

paparazzi dominic evangeline - from AOL, the person must have been looking of pictures of Evangeline Lilly and Dominic Monaghan smooching it up on the beaches of Hawaii. I've seen them, they're not all that . . . but it does make her look incredibly good looking because she's macking with a Hobbit with the face of a catcher's mitt.

joaquin phoenix crazy brain quote - from Google, this quote is hilarious. I'm not going to tell you what it is, because you can find it in another post on this blog. But trust me, look for it. Great stuff.

And, that's it for this week.

Bin Laden's Niece

I had no idea that Osama Bin Laden had a niece. And a niece that's all into looking like an Afghan Angelina Jolie. Sure, she's not as hot as Jolie is, but the sheer size of those lips closely approximate the size of canoes, so she's almost there. I wonder if this chaps the ass of Osama. Seeing one of his nieces gallavanting around like a western whore. No wonder he wants to topple skyscrapers full of people in them.

I think we should all, collectively as a nation, start masturbating to pictures of his niece. That way, the terrorists don't win. I won't partake in the group masturbation because she's not that appealing to me, but I think it's your patriotic duty to do this for your country. If you need to, paint a little paper bag over her face on the jpeg.

Sexiest Man Alive?

Mathew friggin McConaughey was just named by People magazine the sexiest man alive? What the hell? Last I checked Hans Moleman from the Simpsons and myself were in a dead heat for first place in this contest of beautiful men. That bastard McConaughey must have paid off some of the judges or performed lewd sexual favors to inch ahead . . . get it . . . head. Yes, McConaughey blew the judges in order to win. His name has "ghey" in it, which is l33t for "gay".

So, I guess I'll have to wait 'til next year to claim my glorious crown. Maybe some of you slackers could send in some write-in votes and sway the judges for me. Come on, I can be like that 18 year old kid who won the mayoral race in that hillbilly town in Illinois last week . . . but sexier.

Oscillating Fan Mail

I get mountains and mountains (if you were microscopic and made up of electrons) of fan e-mail here at the BAFW HQ, and here's a sample of the range that they usually fit in.

Jaime,

My co-workers brought up that rumor about Jaime Lee Curtis being a tranny. When I plugged it in a search, I saw your site. I started to read your comments. I have to tell you I read about 10 of them aloud. You are absolutely hysterical! I was like I have to hang out w/ this guy. Too bad you are so far away...I would totally buy you shots all night and just listen to your rants!! My fave was about Nicole Ritchie looking like a corpse!! And it's funny..I just rented Shaun of the Dead...and seriously though the exact same crap to myself ;) With all my random thoughts, my friends are always telling me that I make them laugh but I'm going to hell. It's nice to see someone else's sick thoughts :) Tooo f'n funny!!! Keep it up!!! :)

-Donna :)

This came from someone with an optonline e-mail inbox. Here at work, we deal with a lot of optonline users, and it's refreshing to see one of the non-retarded ones sending me a message.

Hey Fuckwad,

You suck,

Love,

The Monkey living in your Head

And in case you're wondering why i put in "oscillating" in the title. Well, it's clever, and also one of it's definitions is: "Physics. To vary between alternate extremes, usually within a definable period of time". You see, the e-mail with the happy faces is clearly loving my blog. The one from the alleged monkey in my head, not so much. I do love reading all of your e-mails pertaining to the subjects I write about, so waste some time on that. Send me some more hate/love.

DVD Tome "G"

G.

Garden State - Zach Braff's directorial debut, and what a smart guy he is to cast himself as the lead and have Natalie Portman as his leading lady. They get to smooch around, he has her running around in her bra and panties, she's all adorable all over the place. Not to mention that this movie is also well written and the actors are perfectly cast. This is the movie that Elizabethtown strived to be, but fell short because it chose a troll for a leading lady.

Gangs of New York - I don't watch many Leonardo DiCaprio movies. But this is a Martin Scorsese movie, so I trust the director to at least get a decent performance from his actors. And Leo's maturing a little, picking better roles, and not eating as many pies as he used to. I guess being married to Gisele Bundchen will do that. This movie's appropriately bloody and it's long too. 2 DVD's, but we kind of get robbed at the end. You'll see what I mean.

Gatekeepers (Vol 1-3) - Another one of those unfinished series's. Anime used to dominate my bank account back before I was married. This one has some pretty tight animation and a cool 60's vibe, but after I got hitched and the wife started frowning upoin these kinds of purchases . . . I just kind of let the interest in this fall by the wayside. I know, what a tragic tale.

Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex - Speaking of anime hating wives . . . she actually buckled down and bought me this for X-mas. I know, it's only the first one in a series of DVD's, but this might mean that she might pick up the 2nd one for me this X-mas, and I might finish the series in 2010. Who knows, a boy can wish right?

Ghost in the Shell: Innocence - Otherwise known as Ghost in the Shell 2, this follow-up to the first movie finds the focus shifted to Batou as he tries to solve a robotic sex-doll crime spree. Oh, and yes, this is anime as well, so now . . . that storyline doesn't seem all that far-fetched right. No penis tentacles or raping of schoolgirls in this one, but you do get a phyllosphically charged story and an anime basset hound.

Gladiator Eroticus - This is lesbian porn. Not great lesbian porn, but there's not a single schlong entering a vagina in this movie. Which is a shame. Not that I'm against lesbo porno action, it's just that it's not that good. It feels like it's played for laughs here, and either I'm not getting an inside joke, or these people have no sense of humor whatsoever. But, it ain't no Hookers in a Haunted House, so that's a relief.

Go - Doug Lyman's a good director. I really enjoyed Swingers, and Go is not as good, but just as enjoyable. The intertwining story-lines are fun, the actors ham it up a little, and Katie Holmes does not distract me too much. I do like the scene where Sarah Polley is selling those retard rave kids the aspirin and passing it off as ecstasy. Hilarious. "Do you feel it? Yeah, it's like a wave". Oh man.

Grudge, The - This is the American remake, strangely shot by the Japanese director of the Japanese original. Treading water maybe? Hmm . . . I think they mentioned that this was a follow-up to the first one, but from what I hear, it's pretty much a shot for shot remake. Oh well, it's creepy, and powder-white japanese boys running around in their underwear will forever creep me out. Specially when they make cat noises. Friggin cats. Hmph! The only thing I did not get is why Sarah Michelle Gellar didn't kick some ass in this. She's Buffy the Vampire Slayer right? She could have totally roundhouse kicked the ghost in the face and ended it's rampage. If I ran the movies, that would have been in there. I don't care if it wouldn't have worked. It would still be in there.

The G's are done, ya heard G-dawg.

Friendly Fire Foul-Up

So, as I posted last week, my brother is back in the U.S. and he's safe in the Naval Hospital over at Camp Pendleton. His foot is healing fine, apart from the 50-cent coin-sized hole in his foot. The wound should heal up just fine without needing a skin graft, so that's good. And his shrapneled-up arm just needed stitches.

The thing is that he wasn't hit by the enemy. No, he was thrown 20-some feet by an explosion created by our guys. Friendly fire. Seems my brother and his squad mates were done clearing a house when their sargeant told him to get their packs. Now, what the sargeant didn't know is that the house next door was getting blown to shit in order to be stormed and cleared. So in they go looking for their packs, and boom! goes the house. Needless to say, being next door to an explosion can be a little jarring. This is a pretty standard procedure when clearing houses. The Marines would rather make a hole in a wall than go in through the front door which is much more prone to being booby-trapped. This practice is fine with me, but they should start having our guys next door to an explosion. Makes a little more sense, don't it?

But, at least he's fine. And he's out of the shit for at least 6-8 months. They expect him to get back as good as he was before the accident. I hope so. He's getting 30 days of leave before the 6-8 months re-hab so it's going to be great having him around. And I can beat up on him again now that he's all weak and shit. Until he gets back to Marine shape, where he'll begin to put me in headlocks again. Yay . . . argh!

DVD Tome "F"

This post is for the F's . . which are fantastic. Also . . . it's post #300 in this humble blog. And I know, readership around here is way down. I don't hussle as much as I used to do back in the day, but hey . . . that doesn't mean that the quality has declined. Quality around here couldn't get any lower than the bottom. Anyway, here it goes. On with the fantastic F's.

F.

Family Guy Presents: Stewie Griffin The Untold Story - This is the direct to DVD movie that would redifine the world of Family Guy. Swearing, sexual situations, their general shannanigans . . . all uncensored. Yay! Too bad it's not that great. I mean, it's got it's finer moments, but those are not all that fantastic as I thought it was going to be. But, regardless, if you're a huge fan of this resucitated FOX animated sitcom, then by all means, buy it.

Fast and the Furious, The - Yeah, don't laugh too hard. Sure, it's got Paul Walker, and his head is huge. And Vin Diesel is in it, and his head is also huge. How do they fit those two ginormous heads in one frame? Widescreen baby. So this all bang but zero substance car porn is ultimate unleaded compared to the 2nd outing which I wisely don't own. I hear they cast Bow Wow in the third upcoming movie. LOL. That's going to suck ass.

Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within - This computer animated movie is gorgeous. The whole design of it, the characters, the vehicles, everything is fantastic, and it would make for a great game. Doesn't make for a great movie though. Sure, I watched this in the theaters and then got the movie which would lead you to believe that I am fond of this movie . . . but I'm not all that crazy about it. Then why did I buy this? How the hell do I know . . . impulse buy.

Finding Nemo - Pixar roxxors my soxxors. One of their best animated outings. I don't think there needs to be said anything about it . . . if you haven't seen it, then you're a tool. Why don't you just go watch Shrek over and over again and then take your life. You worthless tool!

Finding Neverland - All I head everytime that Johnny Depp is on TV is "Ooh, he's so dreamy" from my wife. Why did I get this cheapy pirated version of the movie then? To appease her. If I had not bought this for her, I probably would have been hanged by my testicles like Mussolini. So you understand now why I own this. Oh, and she really really likes Johnny Depp. Did I mention this?

Fight Club - Absolutely best movie about borderline gay anarchist men fighting for the sake of fighting. Not as great as the book, which I have a signed copy of, but Brad Pitt's charisma is hard to resist. I think I prefer a bloody Pitt rather than a perfectly coiffed Pitt. And Ed Norton is pretty good in this. Not that he's been good in anything else since, but in this he's good.

Firefly: The Complete Series - Best show killed by FOX ever. Even better than Family Guy. And that one came back. The dismal box office performance that the Serenity movie encountered surely secures that this series will never come back to television . . . even as a cheaply funded Sci-Fi channel series. Oh well, it was good while it lasted. I know that Joss Whedon might continue the adventures in comic book form, so there's hope for more Firefly stories out there. Let's just hope they get printed.

Following - Christoper Nolan's first feature, before he made Memento, it's also a time-jumble of a movie. This first outing shows the whole movie out of order. Not even in back to front order, it's all over the place. Makes for an interesting watch, but if you're a fan of linear storytelling, then there is an option of watching it in order. But where's the fun in that?

Frailty - Sam Raimi made movies before Spider-Man you know, and this little tale about a father who thought angels spoke to him and told him to call demons is pretty intense. It just so happens that these demons look just like regular people, and it's up to his kids to either help him or stop him. Great performances by everyone on the cast. Solid movie.

Freddy Vs Jason - Ahh, the match up that all horror nerds were looking for. Tits, blood, impalings, everything that made the two franchises great over the years is all here. You also get to see Freddy & Jason beating the crap out of each other which is a big plus. Get this if you're a horror nerd.

Frighteners, The - An early Peter Jackson film, actually, one of his first "Hollywood" movies. This one has Micheal J. Fox before he started to shake too uncontrollably and it's got some cool special effects that were also made by WETA, so you know they look great. It has a feel good ending and all, but this was just early work that lead to the making of the Ring Trilogy. Plus, the ghosts are funny . . . what more do you want? Seriously . . you want and you ask and ask for more and what do I get in return . . . bastard/bitch!

From Dusk til Dawn - This Tarantino/Rodriguez vampire action film has that sexy Salma Hayek doing the snake dance that is worth the price of the buy. You also get a full length documentary on the making of this, so it's quite the bargain. Salma snake dance, story by Tarantino, full length doc, vampires, and a crotch gun sporting Tom Savini = Perfect.

From Hell - It's really a shame that Alan Moore hates every single movie adaptation of his comic work, because this one isn't half bad. Sure, it's got Johnny Depp . . . again . . . and that chipmunk-toothed Heather Graham, but it's not bad. Stylish and entertaining, and a sort of happy ending, since Depp's character dies at the end (ooops, spoiler, tee-hee) this I don't regret buying. Other Alan Moore adaptations listed here you will see how upset I am with.

Futurama Vol 1 & 2 - Futurama, in many ways, is much better than the Simpsons will ever be. The animation is better, the humor is mature-er and the characters are way more diverse. These two sets are hilarious, and I not only recommend these but the whole series as well.

Now, was that fantastic or what? Yeah, I know . . . it was a load of what.

DVD Tome "E"

Sorry about the one day delay with this post. It should have been posted yesterday morning, but I came down with a brief illness Sunday evening that knocked me out of commission for most of Monday. I'm feeling better . . . if you care. Now, onto the movies.

E.

Elf - This is the 2nd movie Jon Favreau has directed, and to date, it's one of his best. Will Ferrel plays the titular elf with childlike glee. James Caan looks annoyed most of the time, and I've been trying to mimic that huge burp the elf had after downing a 2 liter bottle of Coca-Cola. Now, if I could chug one of those without stopping . . hmm . . .

Emmanuelle - This is one of the first spank films that you can see on channels like Skin-emax. It's a classic tale of a French woman's sexual voyage of discovery. It even features a thai woman popping ping pong balls out of her cooter. This spawned a whole series of sequels, even an "Emmanuelle in Space" which was just a cheap half an hour show on Cinemax. So, it's impact has been felt. Actually, I'm thinking about feeling it's impact again pretty soon . . . if you know what I mean *wink wink*.

Entourage (Season 1) - I got this from my mother, who got it for free somehow. I think someone she knows went to the DVD release party for this and the DVD just kinda got handed down to me. No complaints about that, I save like 40 bucks in the process. It's an HBO series, so there's cursing, drug use, nudity . . . everything you can find in Hollywood if you're rich. So, pretty much nothing that I will encounter . . . ever . . . unless you endorse my advertising.

Equilibrium - That Christian Bale can kick ass I tell you. Have you seen this movie? It's action scenes are brutal . . . even if there is no blood spatter. Okay okay . . . so it might borrow from other movies pretty heavily, but it's all about the action. Gun-ka . . come on. And the scene with the puppy? LOL. I know, it's a silly movie, but I dare you to watch it and not enjoy it.

Evil Dead Book of the Dead Edition - This is the first Sam Raimi movie, and I got the version that comes with the DVD cover that mimics the feel of withered human flesh. I guess it feels like latex . . . oh well. The point is, it looks mighty sweet. This movie is just fantastic. It spawned a sorta sequel and a sequel to that one which became a cult classic. I heard some crazy story that Raimi was letting someone remake this . . .why?? Has all those Spider-Man millions driven you insane Sam? Don't let anyone touch this masterpiece. Here's a good idea . . make Evil Dead 4: S-Mart Siege where the Deadites are all outside the S-Mart that Ash works in and he's got to use every single resource available in the store to survive . . . while saving the cute barely legal cashier so she can give him some sugar later. Just a thought.

Escaflowne - This is one of those examples where they cram 20-some episodes of an anime show into a 2 hour movie. Sure, this is one of those examples where that works, but I'm not too fond of that practice. This is about a girl who gets transported to a magical land where there is a war going on and she's somehow a special priestess or something like that. You don't get much story development, and I'm assuming you're supposed to have watched the televised version of the anime to get everything in this movie. Nonetheless, great visual style here, cool mecha-action and one of the best non-parachute opening action sequence's ever drawn.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - This science fiction romance drama is not what you'd expect Jim Carrey to be starring in. But he puts aside all that stupid rubber faced crap that made him famous and he digs into his character. Also starring Kate Winslet . . and I'm glad to see she shed some of her Titanic tonage. This movie gets me all choked up towards the ending, so it even manages to reach a cold heartless bastard like myself. I suggest you catch this tale of lovers wanting to erase their memories of failed relationships.

Excel Saga (Vol 1-3) - One of the many unfinished anime series that I have. This one is a comedy, which pokes fun at the whole anime genre. So much so, that if you're not into anime and were to watch this fresh, you'd think it's just idiotic. Which it is, truly retarded. Why do I own it? It was recommended by someone, but by vol 3 I could not stand it anymore.

Exorcist, The - This is the re-released version of the original. I've seen it a total of 3 times, each time with a different girl, the last time with my wife. It's kind of strange how chicks want to see this with a guy, even though they know they'll be scared. This is one of the only horror movies my wife requested to see, and this was still during our courting period. I guess she wanted me to protect her. Which I did, because it's easy to protect a girl from the TV.

The E's have been e-xhausted. Keep coming back for more "rub my collection in your face" action. You know you like it.

DVD Tome "D"

Daiguard Vol 1-6 - One of the few Anime series I own through completion, this is about a group of office workers that work in the marketing division of a weapon's manufacturer that are in charge of saving the world. So, naturally it's got some comedy built into it. It's entertaining, and has a bit of a layer of realism as the ones in charge of this monumental task are hired by a company that took on the job from the government because they were the lowest bidders. So, the giant robot they pilot ain't all that great.

Dark City - This is the 2nd movie Alex Proyas directed, following The Crow. Not a single one of his actors died during the making of this one, so in that way, it's a success. This tale of a city that is plunged in perpetual darkness and has mysterious individuals reshaping it every night is appropiately moody, has great performances from the actors, and much to my wife's chagrin, includes Jennifer Connely. I think I told her once that I thought she was attractive and she's hated her ever since. Women . . pfft.

Darkness Unrated - This Anna Paquin movie suffers from one thing. It's incredibly boring up until the last 20 minutes, then the horror actually begins. If they could have made the entire movie during the last 20 minutes of it, then this would have kicked ass and a half. That's three cheeks folks. But no, they drag it out for an entire hour and change and then give us the goods. By then, it's too little too late. Too bad, because I usually love movies where houses drip blood.

Dawn of the Dead - This is the George A. Romero original version from the 1970's. The story of four survivors holed up in a mall trying to avoid zombies and maintaining their sanity is one of Romero's finest movies. This is the one most people hold up as his masterpiece. I tend to agree with that line of thinking, although his most recent effort was pretty kick ass.

Dawn of the Dead - The 2004 remake finds survivors in a similar situation, holed up in a mall trying to retain a certain semblance of normality, but this time the zombies are super fast. Like Olympic sprinters. I guess this remake was influenced by the "infected" in 28 Days Later, but fast zombies have never really made sense to me. But, I still enjoyed this flick, and I hear it's leading to a remake of the following movie on this list.

Day of the Dead - Again, George A. Romero provides us with another one of his OG zombie rules movies, this time, the world is nearly overrun (slowly) by the zombie hordes, and the story focuses on a military base where some scientists are doing research involving the dead. This is the bleakest one of the bunch, offering very little in the way of a "happy ending". It also includes the memorable Joe Pilato line "CHOKE ON THEM!" which he screams as zombies tear him apart.

Dead Alive - Peter Jackson's entry in the zombie genre is hilarious at times, but gruesome and gory pretty much the whole time. His zombies, put together by WETA, drip entrails, are horny, and even pop out offsrping. The scene where the main character takes the zombie baby for a walk in a baby carriage that has barbed wire to keep the baby from jumping out is hilarous. And who could forget the line "I kick ass for the Lord!". Kung Fu priests always brighten up a movie.

Dead Hate the Living, The - This was a blind buy from former savings-heavy website Buy.com. I think it had a blurb on the cover from Tom Savini . . . who must have been paid some money to say the good things he had to say about this, because this movie is absolute crap. Don't buy this.

Definitely Not Hollywood (Extreme & Dark Comedy Editions) - Pretty much my first DVD purchase ever was six pack of DVD's from Atom Films. They're all shorts, some good, some terrible. These comedy ones are ok I guess. Nothing much else to say about them.

Dogma - Kevin Smith's religion heavy comedy about two fallen angels trying to go back to heaven by using a loophole in catholic dogma that would essentially negate all existance is hilarious. Douchebag extraordinaire Ben Affleck should only make Kevin Smith movies. This is when he's at his best. And his best is barely passable. The rest of the cast is filled out by competent actors, and even has Selma Hayek. Muy picante!

Donnie Darko - Ah, yes, the tale of time travel and man-sized evil bunnies. It's dark, it's got a child-molesting Patrick Swayze, and establishes Jake Gyllenhal as a good actor. The studio recently released a new version of the movie. Director's cut with new special effects. I have the original, but I'm thinking of getting the double-dip because I like it so much. Ahem ahem, anyone hear that . . . Christmas is coming and that would make an excellent present.

There go the D's, and here I thought they were going to be larger. Normally D's are too much too handle, especially the double D's. And is anyone getting the tits reference or do I have to wack you in the face with their metaphorical relevance. Tits!

Enter the Sandman

Well, after Kirsten Dunst (and I'm thinking she probably thought she was dreaming from the lazy state of her eyelids) let the cat out of the bag that Thomas Hayden Church was going to be playing Sandman in Spider-Man 3, it was only time until we could stop imagining what he would look like, and the time is now. This photo was released of his pre-sand stage, and he looks just like the character did in the Spider-Man comics. Solid stuff Mr. Raimi. He keeps making the best Marvel comic adaptations with the Spider-Man franchise, and I hope he keeps cranking them out for a long time. Now, we have to wait and see the character Topher Grace is playing will be looking like on screen. If you're not a raging nerd like myself, you're probably blowing this off (I'm looking at you Heather), but if you are like myself, then you're anxiously awaiting that .jpg image.

Femullet Phenomenum

I can understand the male version of this aberration of haute follicle couture, but the female variety just leaves me scratching my head. I mean, it's not like they can claim "business in the front party in the back" since women do their business in the kitchen . . . right girls? LOL.

And who would ever want to party with the specimen pictured above. I mean, she looks like she enjoys watching old Van Damme movies while hitting the sack with whatever enibriated poor unlucky sap she beds with the aid of some Kentucky moonshine. No sober man would willingly bed a femulleted lady. Unless you're into that stuff. I mean, there are fetishes for everything these days. You can walk down the street and find eskimo midget one-legged cock-eyed midget with femullet fetishists all over the place. Hmm . . maybe we don't frequent the same streets.

Patience = Zero Tolerance

I don't know what bug crawled up my butt today but it seems to be affecting my patience . . . a lot. I have been clicking on the "mute" button on my headset over and over agains and cursing the shit out of our customers. Thank the Lord for that little button. I don't know if it's because it's Friday and I desperately want to go back home and lie down in bed with my wife and forget about the outside world . . . or if it's because every single person calling in today has a touch of the computing down's syndrome. I'm thinking it's a combination of the both.

And the calls just keep coming in. They're relentless in their stupidity, and I also deal with clients that feel they're entitled to phone support even though they do not meet the phone support criteria. No matter how many times you tell them about the company policy, and how your hands are tied and you can only help them via e-mail, they still want the VIP treatment.

Also clients that don't know their customer number are really grinding my nerves today. How hard is it to have your information ready? How are we supposed to verify your account otherwise?? ARGH!!

The fact that today is crawling by at the slowest rate possible is also not helping the situation. It's barely noon and I have five and a half more hours of this?? Why do I do this to myself. I could be a panhandling bum on the streets and I think I would have much less stress that way. I hate the daily grind.

Venting procedures are done. I will get back to the dreaded calls. I see someone in the queu waiting to be stupid at me.

DVD Tome "C"

C.

Cell, The - I don't own many Jennifer Lopez movies, mainly because she's not a great actress and also because she's always cranking out romantic comedy crap. Occasionaly someone hires her for a different role, and you get a movie like this one. I dig the visuals created for the inside of the killers mind along with seeing Vince Vaughn getting his intestines twisted. Solid film, even with the former half of Bennifer involved.

Charlie's Angels & Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle - This is pure and unadulterated cheeseball film-making at it's best. Even Drew Barrymore can't stop these two movies from being fun. McG, the director, has a very slick style that doesn't lend itself to dramatic movies . . . but to these types of mindless entertainment, it's all good. Everything in these movies is very tongue-in-cheek . . and they can't be all that bad if the first one launched the career of Sam Rockwell. The first one also has one of my favorite actors living . . . Bill Murray, and it's a crying shame he was replaced in the 2nd movie.

Clerks The Complete Animated Series - Yes, it's blasphemy that I don't own Kevin Smith's first and greatest movie. I should get ten lashes at a Cambodian prison for that. But at least I have the short-lived television show based on the characters from the movie. Although a flawed effort that I'm sure was hampered by the FCC, this collection of episodes still manages to be fun. An essential DVD to own for the Kevin Smith completist . . . and if you are . . . then you also have to buy Jersey Girl *shivers*.

Closer - One of my favorite movies of 2004, I was expecting a director's cut of it but that is not available. Why would I want that? Well, reportedly, Natalie Portman had all her nudie scenes cut out of the movie. She was playing a stripper!! Oh well, one can hope that when the new video format change comes along that someone will be smart enough to release a version of this movie with those scenes spliced back in.

Club Dread Unrated - Those guys at Broken Lizard are silly motherfuckers. This is their third (yeah, Supertroopers was not their first) movie and in this one they takle the slasher genre. The funny thing is, while being humorous, it still managed to scare my wife a little while we watched this. She's such a pansy sometimes.

Coldplay Live - I got this for my wife last Christmas. This was when Coldplay was good, and they weren't all that politically inclined. This concert is also pre-Gwyneth and Apple . . . so the band is in all its depressed glory. Their new stuff blows because Chris Martin seems to be happy now. Someone needs to get those two divorced so that Coldplay can have some good material again.

Cowboy Bebop - My favorite all time Anime series got a movie last year. And it's not like with other series where they try to cram a whole 26 episodes worth of story into a 2 hour reader's digest film. No, this is more like a continuation of their adventures as the events depicted in the movie happen somewhere along episodes 22 & 23. I like the universe that was created for Cowboy Bebop as it has bounty hunters with a wild west feel in space. And the music is to die for. Hunt down those soundtracks.

Chronicles of Riddick, The - I wanted this movie to be better. I wanted David Twohy to write and direct a worthy follow up to Pitch Black. This was supposed to be the first in a trilogy of Riddick movies . . . but it fizzled out at the box office effectively killing any chance it had. Of course, there is the chance that it may continue in direct to DVD movies . . . but those are always crap, and Riddick deserves the full cinematic treatment.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon - This is the Chinese epic to own. All the other ones released after this that have people running on air are just imitators. I like that they bundled a dubbed version of the movie on the disc, because I just get tired of reading subtitles. I'm watching a movie not reading a book.

The C's are over, and I think they make for a slightly larger post than the B's. The D's are next, and you know those will be filling out a larger post . . wink wink.

Update on Brother

You may have read the post about my brother being injured in Iraq. That was bad news. The good news are below.

The surgery on Franco's foot went well. His cousin Johanna (Nena's daughter) was able be with him for about 4 hours on Monday and she was there when they tested his foot and he was able to wiggle his toes.
Franco should be in arriving in Washington DC on Friday, it is unclear right now whether he will stay there for a few days or connect immediately with another flight and proceed to San Diego.

This bit of good news takes a little worry off my head as it seems like he's going to be OK soon. We'll be getting to spend time with him for Thanksgiving, and hopefully he won't be doing anymore tours of duty.

Lost Re-Cap

Just a little post on the happenings of yesterday's episode of Lost. As I posted a couple of weeks ago, Shannon gets shot by Ana Lucia with Sawyer's last bullet in the gut after Sayed takes a shot in her from the SCUD missile in his pants. We also got a flashback to Shannon's past and how her stepmother screwed her out of her inheritance, and Boone was back. We also get to see Dripping Wet Zombie Walt speaking backwards . . . and if you're clever enough and run that speech backwards . . . he says: "They are coming, they are close". Creepy. Was he referring to the tail section survivors or "Them". And Charlie might still be rubbing heroine all over his gums but still manages to be a great father for Claire's baby. No Kate in last night's episode much to my wife's dismay, but we get to see Jack . . . and we find out that the man he let die in order to save his future wife was Shannon's dad . . . who died at 8:15 AM. I'll let that sink in. Just like my wife said last night "This show is stringing us along . . . but I'm it's bitch! I can't stop watching!".

DVD Tome "B"

B.

Bad Boys II - Why no entry for Bad Boys? Why just skip to the sequel? Because this one is bigger and badder than the first. And I don't like Tea Leoni. Something about her just isn't right. I'm sure David Duchovny has no problems putting it to her, but she just seems so spastic and raspy that I think she's got a chemical imbalance. This sequel is Tea Leoni-free as far as I can remember, so therefore it fits into my collection.

Bad Taste - Ahh . . . Peter Jackson's first ever movie. It took him 4 years to shoot this on the weekends with a shoe-string budget and using his pals. The result is truly terrible, but without this . . . the Lord of the Rings movies would have never been made. So this is the starting point of a brilliant (and sometimes twisted) career. I recommend you purchase this just to experience an indie movie that spawned a master director.

Bastard Complete Collection - I know this is sitting there in my DVD bookcase, but I have no recollection of watching it. It's anime, and it's about a "bastard" . . . but I seriously don't remember what this series is all about.

Big Lebowski, The - The Dude is one of Jeff Bridges' best characters. That slacker mid-nineties bowler is a favorite of mine, and all the other supporting characters are brilliant. "Shut the fuck up Donny". The fat guy from Roseanne is really good in this "I can get you a toe, you want a toe? I can get you a toe". There's a spiffy new double-dip out there. If you haven't gotten this before, get the newly released version.

Bikini Bandits Freeze Mother Fucker! - This is one of the first DVD's I ever purchased. I used to watch this on my black Powerbook laptop computer. This is when I didn't have an actual DVD player or an X Box. This feature is lots of fun. It's got strippers running around in bikinis and robbing convenience stores with big guns and running amok. What more do you want? Story? Doesn't need it. This is not a movie movie though, it's more like a collection of shorts and some extra material thrown together onto DVD. Check it out, you'll like it.

Black Hawk Down - This Somalian conflict war movie is a favorite of mine, because it shows how arrogant and cocky this country can be when dealing with third world countries. And there's also the intense firefights. The presence of Orlando Bloom is not all that jarring, because he bites it towards the beginning and you don't see him again after that. Now, you may think that I hate this Bloom fellow . . . I don't. I think his career should just involve him playing elves & reluctant pirates, which he's really good at. When he tries to do romantic comedies . . . it's nothing but a big groan-o-rama for me.

Blade, Blade II, Blade Trinity - This series peaked at II, and then went downhill. It did some good things in the original, and then Guillermo Del Toro directed the hell out of the 2nd one. When David Goyer decided he wanted to direct the final installment, the house of cards tumbled, and you're left with a mess. A sexy mess though since you get Jessica Biel in a shower scene, and for the ladies, ample oggling of Ryan Reynolds' toned physique. But what happened to Blade in the third installment? Yeah, he was kind of set aside and it became a Nightstalkers movie. Maybe that's why Wesley Snipes tried to sue Goyer for a cool 5 million.

Blow - Somehow, it's not that much of a stretch to picture Johnny Depp high of cocaine all the time. He's just got that way about him. Regardless, this is a cool movie about how cocaine got started here in the U.S. I like movies that start up with the good times and then everything turns to shit in a blender at the end. This is one of those movies. Because you can't have a happy ending in a drug movie. You can't. You can have a happy ending at an asian massage parlor, but not in a drug movie.

Boogie Nights - Paul Thomas Anderson's porno epic. Drugs, terrible music, porn, Marky Marc's large prosthetic schlong, Roller Girl . . . this movie is a must own. An American classic. I wasn't all that interested in the movies original theatrical release. I discovered the greatness of this movie only after it was released on DVD and thank Jeebus I did.

Bourne Identity & Bourne Supremacy - I keep wanting to hate Matt Damon. First, my wife digs him, and second . . . he's great friends with Ben Affleck, who is a complete douchebag. But Damon just keeps turning out good movies, and his Bourne flicks are just fun, action packed affairs that I can't get enough of. Sometimes sequels are rehashed crap, but not with Supremacy. I think that one is actually better than the Identity in that it ups the ante. More things happen, people from the first movie die, and new ones are introduced . . . that also die. I'm waiting for the third and last Bourne book to be turned into a movie. That one will be called The Bourne Ultimatum and I just hope they handle that as well as the first two movies.

Brotherhood of the Wolves, The - This french movie that blends horror, martial arts, period pieces and psychological thrillers is a fairly entertaining watch. It also has that sultry Monica Belluci in it, and that's always a welcome sight. You might also recognize the Chairman from Iron Chef America kicking much ass in this. Too bad he had to sell out. It's ok though, this is one of his most recognizeable roles . . . and it's from a foreign movie.

The B's are done . . . now help me get rid of the Bees in my head. I think they're killer Bees . . or Killa Bees. Oh wait, that's just the WuTang Clan. Nevermind.

DVD Tome

tome n.
1. One of the books in a work of several volumes.
2. A book, especially a large or scholarly one.
[French, from Latin tomus, from Greek tomos, a cutting, section, from temnein, to cut. See tem- in Indo-European Roots.]

I'm starting a fairly large and unwieldy project that involves me catalouging all of my DVD purchases to date. I'm going to start listing them in alphabetical order (which is easy since I display them in that manner already), and then posting the results here, each day handling a different letter from the alphabet and it's corresponding movies. So, expect 26 days of this. Enjoy or snooze, it's your choice.

A.

About Schmidt - This Jack Nicholson movie has the strange distinction of being one of the only movies to feature a naked Kathy Bates. Take time to think about that. Naked. Kathy. Bates. Yeah, and why do I own it? I really dig the director's previous work (Election), which had that guy that played Ferris Bueller superimposing the head of Reese Whiterspoon onto his wife while he was doing her doggy-style. None of that happens here, thankfully, but this a good little movie. I recommend it.

Adaptation - Spike Jonze is one of my favorite directors, so naturally . . . I own this movie. The script is penned by Charlie Kaufman, who is responsible for some of the better movies of this young millenia. Despite the prescense of Meryl Streep . . . the rest of the cast does a damn great job in this movie about trying to adapt a book to a movie.

Alien Vs Predator - I didn't actually pay retail for this pirated . . . er . . I mean copied version of the movie. It's supposedly a director's cut . . . but whatever. I'm glad this only cost me 5 bucks since it's not the match-up we were promised Paul W.S. Anderson is just a terrible, but extremely commercial, director that just throws this on screen and hopes we like it. I don't, but the aliens and predators look ok . . . so I usually just turn my brain off while watching this.

Amazing Nurse Nanako (Vol 1-3) - I don't know why I got this. Must have been the humongous looking chest pillows that the titular character has. That, and it was on sale over at Buy.com when they were great about savings. This is anime, so naturally the wife hates it. I don't know what she's got against it. Oh well.

Amelie - This I bought for my wife, and then kinda started liking it. It's by french director Jean-Pierre Jeunet, who is a pretty great storyteller. You should check out on DVD "A Very Long Engagement" which is his follow up to this feature. I know he's done a couple of other things in between, but that movie is a true Juenet film. Good date movie, and that Aubrey Tatou is a bit on the cute side.

American Psycho - Christian Bale just did a great job in this movie. Really buy his crazy act. And don't you just love it when dudes drop chainsaws on fleeing hookers? Who else wants to split Jared Leto's brain with an ax?? Come on . . . I identify with the main character in this. Which means you should be scared.

Anchorman Unrated & Uncalled For - I think what's uncalled for is that little tag line they added to the title. Who are the marketing tools that came up with that. This movie made me laugh harder than any movie last year . . . in the theater. Upon repeat viewings, it looses a little bit of its bite . . . but it's Will Ferrel at his best. You know, pre-Bewitched.

Animatrix - I don't own any of the Matrix movies, except for this collection of animated shorts. I like them. They're way better than the two sequels the Matrix spawned.

Apocalypse Now Redux - Awesome Vietnam War movie. Martin Sheen when he looked like Charlie Sheen, Marlon Brando when he was just getting huge, a 16 year old Morpheus . . . this movie has a lot of things going for it. It took me about three days to watch this when I first got it. Not because I was bored and started doing other things. It's just an intense movie. Oh, and Dennis Hopper is in it . . . you really can't go wrong with Dennis Hopper.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force (Season 1 - 3) - What can one say about this Adult Swim series that hasn't been said yet. It fucking rules. I'm waiting for the fourth season which I will add to my collection. I have passing interest in all the other shows on Adult Swim, but this is the only "must-have" of the whole lot of them.

Arachnophobia - I usually have my wife kill spiders for me. She's not afraid of them. But this movie makes her antsy and anxious, which means it's doing it's job. She can feel spiders creeping up all over her. This is a horror classic. Not because it's particularly horrifying, just that spiders are so damn creepy and something like this is fairly plausible.

Armitage (1 & 2) - These were purchased during my heavy anime purchasing spree, which was coincidentally nullified by me getting married. Nothing of great importance other than Keifer Sutherland lending his voice talent in both of these movies. I think the chick from "Showgirls" does the voice of Armitage in the first one, and the retarded sister from "The Other Sister" does the voice in the second one. I wonder why Jesse from "Saved By The Bell" was too busy to reprise the role.

Army of Darkeness - Bruce Campbell is a man-god. His chin alone should get more work in Hollywood. This is an essential purchase if you're a fan of Sam Raimi's work. Get it.

Artificial Intelligence - I always knew Haley Joel Osment was a robot. Along with Dakota Fanning. This movie's a bit of a tear-jerker . . . if you're a pussy.

Austin Powers (all three of them) - I got this as a three pack, and it's an interesting study on how a good idea can be rapidly turned into crap on film. Buy these movies and compare the degradation in quality over the span of a couple of years. It's a bit sad actually. Mike Meyers is a funny guy, but it seems he got stuck in a sort of rutt. I hope he gets more work . . . that's not shagadelically-related.

That's the A's ladies and gentlemen. Now, I'm late for work. I hope you're happy, bitches.

Search Mania

Another installment of the words that bring people to this blog. Never interesting, but always insightful.

Analog Medium - from Technorati (why would anyone want to check out those punks . . . pfft . . haha)
Patricia Arquette - from BlogSearch (someone must have an almost-midget fetish)
Anne Hathaway and Bijou Phillips Nude in 'Havoc', new edits longer scenes! - from Google (I like the fact that whoever typed this in put in an exclamation point at the end of the search query. It's very important)
lamb lynx prussian blue nude - from MSN (I guess racists get horny too, and it looks like they prefer the prepubescent meat)
"penis flashing" + "questions" - from Google (this left me scratching my head . . . I won't tell you which one)
chicken little - from Technorati
ciera wardrobe malfunction - from Google (people must love trannies . . . cause they're still looking for that picture of Ciera's 70's bush)
prophecy of the flowers lynx - from Google (when not masturbating to the twin racist girls, people like to read up on their "prophecy")
paypopup - from BlogSearch (people just like to make money online for doing nothing)
picking her wedgie - from Google (Canadian Google at that . . . those crazy hosers)
"Nicole ritchie diet" - from Google (Australians must want to slim down . . . the crack cocaine way)
blackstar - from Technorati
morphing into hermione on quicktime - from Google (just what exactly would someone want morphing into Hermione . . . their penis perhaps?? Wait a couple years)
"sally struthers" "sally the hutt" - from Google (It's reassuring that someone in Canada has the same sense of humor I have. Too bad we have to invade them after we're done cleaning up the middle east)
mos def concert - from BlogSearch
Kevin Federline - from BlogSearch (it's not 2008 yet, we're not ready for his "style")

So there you have it. There were a few repeat/similar search listings that were ommited for redundancy and the lack of desire to cross-check on my part. I hope I keep getting misguided visitors to my blog and despite them not finding what they were looking for, I hope you still come back a couple of times a week . . . and make me rich by clicking on my ads.

When Drunken Moose Attack

And here I thought my problems were bad. Looks like the elderly in Sweden have it way worse than me. Apart from not being able to put together their IKEA furniture, it seems that they have to deal with drunken moose as well. Why hasn't FOX jumped on this. If anyone can stretch out an hour with crap like this, it's them. But here's the news story in case you think I'm just making this up.

STOCKHOLM, Sweden - They rarely have problems with drunks or rowdy animals, but residents of an elderly home in southern Sweden had to deal with both when a pair of intoxicated moose invaded the premises.
The moose — a cow and her calf — had become drunk over the weekend by eating fermented apples they found outside the home in Sibbhult, southern Sweden, said Anna Karlsson, who works there.

Police managed to scare them off once, but the large mammals returned to get more of the tempting fruits. This time the moose were drunk and aggressive, forcing police to send for a hunter with a dog to make them leave.

Police did not pursue the culprits, but made sure all apples were picked up from the area, local police chief Bengt Hallberg said. No one was hurt.

I hope we've all learned a lesson here. You're pretty much screwed if you live in Sweden. Except for that Swedish Bikini Team they have. I guess life there isn't that bad after all.

Joaquin be Crazy

Joaquin Phoenix, not to be confused with Joaquin Tucson, is apparently slowly going crazy. During an interview, he swore he had a frog nibbling away at his brain. Yeah, I know. If that ain't crazy, then I'm Mayor McCheese. But let's see what the quote says.

Do I have a large frog in my hair? . . . Something's crawling out of my scalp." Despite reassurances from the reporter, the actor replied, "No, but I feel it. I'm not worried about the looks. I'm worried about the sensation of my brain being eaten . . . What did you ask me?"

Wow, now I'm a little more interested in this "Walk the Line" movie he's got coming out. I wonder how he'll play Johnny Cash with a frog crawling out of his scalp. That's going to be an interesting and, as I'm sure the critics will call it, rivetting performance. Or it could just be syphillis. His brain could actually be in the process of being gnawed away by that disease and he just doesn't know it yet. Oh well, either way he has become just a little more interesting, and I guess that's all that matters.

Jennifer Love Stupid

It seems that the "great Eskimo actor" Jennifer Love Hewitt is dumber than I originally thought, and that's saying a lot since I thought she had the IQ of an Eggo Waffle . . . untoasted. I'll let her own words do the talking.

"I was on a very important conference call and I was in a dress so I thought, 'I'll let someone else put the gas in the car today.' I never do that. I gave him $40 and I drove away. It never dawned on me to check he'd actually put the gas in the car. He pocketed my $40, never put gas in the car and I get to Robertson, the one street filled with paparazzi and I'm like, 'Oh, it's not going... This is not funny.' I had to get out and I started pushing my Mini Cooper down the street."

Good job Hewitt. And why do we care about this? You're out 40 bucks? Boo-hoo-freakin-hoo. Maybe if the guy had stolen your car and ran you over a couple of times while screaming "I know what you did last summer!!" and then left you for dead so the papparizzi could get a picture of your mangled body . . . I might find this interesting. The only reason I'm posting this is so everyone can see how stupid you are.

And what important meeting was that? You on the phone talking to the studio reps about how much you're going to rip-off Medium this season? Maybe if you shrunk yourself down to midget and dyed your hair blond you might approximate the character that Patricia Arquette has mastered. You might also want to go heavy on the Percodan, since she looks half asleep throughout the whole show . . . but at least she didn't let some guy fake fill her tank up and then drive off . . . you retard.

Box Office Money-Makers

1. Chicken Little - This movie pretty much proves the power of a child nagging his parent to go watch something that the critics pretty much hated. At 40 million for the opening weekend take, I'm guessing Disney is feeling pretty good about itself and them breaking off their partnership with Pixar. The only problem is, everything I read about this movie just tells me it's a stinking pile of crap. The only redeeming factor for this flick is that it's being shown in 3-D in some theaters, which is pretty exciting since they're talking about doing a release of King Kong a month or so after it opens in that same format. I guess this is what James Cameron has been working on for the past few years instead of making movies. Wonder when we'll see his treatment of Battle Angel Alita on the big screen. That would be pretty gnarly in 3-D.

2. Jarhead - This movie we watched over the weekend based solely on my wife loving the song during the trailer. That "jesus" song. Yeah, I don't know how it goes but I think it's Kanye West. *shrugs* How's the movie? Pretty good. It's not the war film everyone might want to see . . . since these trained killers never actually get to do what they are trained for. You can feel their frustration and what it leads them to do. Very well made movie despite the copious male ass and schlong outlines. The "field fuck" scene is just glorious. I recommend it. But seriously . . . don't be like our audience and take your 7 underage kids to go watch this. So annoying.

3. Saw II - The only Halloween scary movie that had any legs is still going strong. It's far surpassed it's 5 million budget and it's ensuring the return of Jigsaw next year for Saw III which will, most likely, have three severed fingers as it's signature marketing campaign. I don't see them doing anything else. Have not seen it yet, don't plan on seeing it really. I might get them both on DVD when both of them are available on DVD, but not until then.

4. The Legend of Zorro - Ahh, looks like Catherine Zeta Jones had a little break from her demanding schedule of selling T-Mobile service in your local mall along with letting a near corpse put it to her after he takes his viagra. And Antonio Banderas . . . glad he could pull away from his busy schedule of doing nothing to reprise his role. My cousin Tina actually went to see this and told me it was entertaining but devoid of a story . . . which she strangely found to be fun. Hmm . . . we might need to send her to a psychiatric ward to get her head examined.

5. Prime - This making it to #5 is beyond Prime's best expectations. Meryll Streep just doesn't have the star quota that she had before. And Uma is just a little too mannish for me to take seriously as an elderly sex symbol.

6. Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story - There was a time when Dakota Fanning was a cute little girl. What happened to her? I mean, she's still a little girl and all, but she just looks like the spawn of the devil now. I guess shit happens right.

7. Good Night, And Good Luck - Black & white movies are classy. I have a passing interest in seeing this as it has some historical meaning . . . and that's just calling out to the history major in me. Sure, that history major never got a degree in history, but whatever. I think I might catch this on DVD though. It's doing ok without my 10 bucks at the box office, and I'm sure the DVD will come with extra material that will also appeal to me.

8. The Weather Man - Nobody likes Weather men. They're just hacks who tell you all the wrong info. It never rains when they tell you it will and they always have some ridiculously named weather tracking device that is good for nothing. Doppler Tracker 5 Billion!! And the "Storm Watch" this and that every time it sprinkles a bit here in LA. Ri-cock-ulous! Maybe this is why this movie is only getting mild interest out there. It's doing just ok I guess considering it's pulling in a few million a week . . but this is by no means a "blockbuster" of a release. It might be Oscar-bait, but that's about it.

9. Shopgirl - Claire Danes falling for Steve Martin & Jason Schwartzman? This has got to be a fairy tale right? Now, some people might not find Danes to be all that hot. She's not, she's attractive in that "normal girl" kinda way. Which is why I just don't see her getting it on with either one of these guys. Well, maybe Steve Martin since he's playing a rich guy . . . and some chicks are gold diggers. My wife wants to go see this . . . because she likes Claire Danes, and thinks she's related to that Schwartzman guy somehow. Same last names.

10. Flightplan - Someone please tell me why this movie just won't go away. I'm tired of writing about it. Someone needs to crash this into an empty field. Oh well. It might just be my "don't like movies with a plausible plot" prejudice. Nothing against you Jodie Foster. I'm sure you just had to pay for all the discarded baby fetuses that you grind up to make face cream to remain so young'ish looking.

Coming Home

My brother, who up until last week was in Iraq with the Marines, will be coming back home in about a week or so. His tour of duty was cut short by an IED (improvised explosive device) going off while he and another kid were clearing a house near the Syrian border. I don't know the full extent of the damage. From what I heard, it's a fractured/broken right ankle along with extensive shrapnel damage to his left arm. He called my mother after getting out of surgery over the weekend and he at least told her that he has all limbs intact . . . just a banged up.

He should be in Germany right now, doing some rehabilitation, and then he'll be sent to Camp Pendleton where he'll be in physical therapy for an as of yet undetermined amount of time. I know the military mentality is to get back to fighting condition so he can go back to "the shit" . . . but I don't know if I want to see him go back. I'm wishing he gets back to where he was, and that he doesn't have some sort of debilitating condition from his injuries. I just hope it's over for him and he can get a job in the Marines that does not involve him getting sent back.

My siter is still out there. They were stationed in the same base near the Syrian border, but she's working supply . . . so she's in an office out there for most of the time. This is fairly reassuring since she's not sent out on missions that would endanger her life. But she's still out there, so she's still in danger of something like this happening to her.

So . . . thank you George W. Bush. Thanks for getting us into this quagmire of a war. Thank you for deposing a powerless "tyrant" that had no WMD's. Thank you for sending not only my siblings out there but all the other kids who are serving their country in this little grudge match of yours. You're one heck of a President Mr. Bush. Goddamn idiot.

Straight 2008

I don't know where back-up dancers get the idea that they can do anything other than shake around in the background of really talented people . . . or in Kevin Federline's case, he gets to shake around in the behind of a mildly talented country bumpkin who used to look great before she inflated to mythic proportions with his love child. You see, Federline's been trying to not rely so much on his wife's millions, since at the rate of how they blow through money, they'll be living in a cottage in Appalachia in 3 months time.

I found this clip on The Superficial and let me tell you, it's off da hizzook. If by "off da hizzook" you mean "holy crap that's terrible". But the funny thing about this is that Federline actually predicts, mid-clip, that everyone's going to hate it until 2008 when all of our collective ears will start to appreciate the style he "creates". Why not just wait 'til then jackass.

So, if you want a taste of the future, click here and take a gander at the anthem for 2008. You'll feel like a time traveller, but with none of those "oh oh, you're going to erase your family from existance 'cause you kissed your mom and now she thinks your name is Calvin Klein" problems.

Stick Around

I guess anything could be used as a weapon of pain and ridicule if you are creative enough. This explains why there were two stories about people victimized with crazy/super glue in the Yahoo News webpage. Let's start with the first one.

GREENSBURG, Pa. - A man claims his ex-girlfriend owes him more than $30,000 for gluing his genitals to his abdomen five years ago. "This was not just some petty domestic squabble," attorney Grey Pratt told a Westmoreland County jury Wednesday.

His client, Kenneth Slaby of Pittsburgh, is suing Gail O'Toole of Murrysville. His lawsuit claims the two broke up in 1999 after dating for 10 months and Slaby began dating someone else.

Slaby contends that O'Toole invited him over to her home on May 7, 2000, where he fell asleep. He woke up to find that O'Toole had used Super Glue to stick his genitals to his abdomen, glued his buttocks together and spelled out a profanity on his back in nail polish.

Slaby said O'Toole told him it was payback for their breakup, and he had to walk a mile to a gas station to call for help. He pressed charges and O'Toole pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault and served six months' probation.

O'Toole's attorney, Chuck Evans, said it was a consensual act and Slaby wasn't permanently damaged.

"This is a case that should have been left in the bedroom," he said.

Wait, who in their right mind would agree to get their balls to your stomach (quite the stretch) and glue your ass shut. The profanity in nail polish I understand, but the other two were definitely not consensual. This story makes me cringe a little, and I've taken it upon myself to get rid of any extra strength glue in the house. That way, when my wife gets mad at me, she won't be able to do this to me.

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - A Colorado man who had a panic attack when he found he was glued to a toilet seat in a Home Depot restroom has sued the home improvement giant for negligence, saying staff ignored his plight.

Retired electrical engineer Bob Dougherty, 57, said on Thursday he was stuck in the stall with his pants down for about 20 minutes and that two years after the 2003 incident he was suffering from post-traumatic stress, which has triggered diabetes and heart complications.

"I have these nightmares every night where I am locked in this dark room, with no windows, no doors, no fresh air, no route for escape. I wake up in these cold sweats," Dougherty said.

Spokesmen for Home Depot Inc. could not immediately be reached for comment.

Dougherty said in a lawsuit filed last week in Boulder, Colorado, that he thought he was having a heart attack when he realized his buttocks and legs were stuck to the toilet seat in the Home Depot restroom in Louisville, Colorado.

He explained his plight to an employee who came into the restroom but other Home Depot staffers thought it was a hoax and he had to wait until someone else came in to again summon help.

Dougherty is claiming unspecified damages for help with medical and psychiatric bills, for humiliation and for the diabetes he said he has developed as a result of the stress.

"Home Depot not only ignored my plight, they refused my plight," he said. Dougherty said he suspected the glue had been placed there as a prank by three teens seen earlier in the store.

Wow, this guy got post-traumatic stress disorder? Why? Were there bombs exploding all over him? Was this Home Depot located in a trench and had a magical portal back to World War I? I don't think this lawsuit has any validity as this guy is clearly just a pussy. Come on, it was a childish prank. If you want to sue anyone for the "damages" then find the parents of these teen pranksters and go after them. He's picking Home Depot because they have money to satiate his desire to get paid and not have to worry about money anymore. Do you think a big settlement will stop your "night terrors". Pfft. What a pansy.

8th Wonder of the World Sighted

If you have not seen this yet, please . . . fire up your Quicktime and take a look at the new trailer for the upcoming King Kong movie. Directed by Peter Jackson, starring Jack Black, Adrian Brody, Naomi Watts and a gigantic kick ass gorilla, this will be the holiday movie to watch. Just click here and marvel at the 8th Wonder of the World in all of his filmed glory. This ain't no teaser by the way. This is what most people will be seeing in in the next couple of weekends when they go check out the newest Universal releases.

Come Over For A Visit

Looks like the town of Silent Hill will be opening it's doors for visitors soon. Yahoo's got a few still pictures from the upcoming film starring Rhada Mitchell, Sean Bean and other actors that will surely become ghoul fodder. From the look of these few pictures found here, this will hopefully be able to capture the freaky vibes the videogame series had. Let's just hope the camera angles aren't all wonky like in the game, or you might end up with a headache.

Carolla Dumps Loveline

Seems like tonight might be the last time you get a chance to listen to Adam Corolla on the Loveline show. I've always thought he was a pretty funny guy, even back when he did his Mr Birchum bits on KROQ here in Los Angeles. But, he's a pretty busy guy these days with his daily show on Comedy Central, his weekly home improvement program on TLC and is also working on a new season of Crank Yankers. It also seems that this departure from Loveline will lead him to a morning radio talk show to fill the void that Howard Stern left when he went over to XM. I'm curious to see how well that'll go. I wish him the best of luck, and hope he can finally fix that gap in his front teeth that just drives me friggin up the wall. Come on man, you've got enough money. Fizzix yo' grizzill foo'.

DVD Additions 11/02/05

My ever increasing DVD library just had an influx of three DVD's from Columbia House yesterday. Arrived via regular postal mail, and I was wondering when they would arrive since the last time I checked my CH account the order was pending. But, guess they just needed to update it since today it shows shipped. Not sure why it didn't show shipped yesterday, but . . . hey, why the hell am I nit-picking about this?? On to the additions.

Crash
I haven't seen this yet, but I like stories with multiple story lines that somehow tie together into a grand scheme of things. Sort of like Magnolia I guess. I'm just hoping that this isn't TOO much like Magnolia. We'll see. Lots of good actors in this (despite the prescense of Sandra Bullock) and it's written by the guy that got an Oscar for writing Million Dollar Baby (which I have not seen yet, so it's irrelevant, much like most of things on this blog). This was picked by my wife, since I have been informed by her that every time I order DVD's I should run the selection by her so she can approve. She usually hates my taste in movies, since they tend to steer into the Horror genre most of the time. Which explains the following two choices.
High Tension
I never got a chance to catch this while it had it's short theatrical run. I know The Sal did, and you can check out his review of the film here. His write-up of the movie is pretty short . . . much like him, but concise. I am anxiously wanting to watch this because I hear it's got tons of gore and one "kick in the nuts" twist that people either love or hate. I'm hoping I love it.
Land of the Dead
Now, this is something I did watch. I am a zombie lover . . . not to the extent that it makes me ponder necrophilia, but I just love to see bullets popping zombie heads and the rampant carnage and gore associated with a sea of zombies chomping on helpless people. And it's a bonus if the movie is written and directed by the guy that pretty much help invent the zombie sub-genre . . . George A. Romero. This guy knows, understands, and brings his zombies to reanimated life with the flair of a true artist. I just hope that this movie spawns a couple of more sequels, because I can't get enough of them. I have all 4 Romero zombie movies, and it's not enough.

After that little bit of fanboy gushing, I'll close out the post with this. Buy George A. Romero movies. The world needs more zombie movies.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Last night, my wife and I headed out to Hollywood to attend the Jimmy Kimmel show. She had gotten tickets online somehow, and I had adjusted my work schedule to allow me to get out of work early and get to Hollywood with plenty of time to get great seats. We waited in line for close to 30 minutes outside the theater (I forget the name of it, but it's right next door to El Capitan) and were let in after a little security check. This took us to another line, but at least we were in the theater and not out in the cold.

This is where a small annoyance reared its head. I don't know just where some black people get this false sense of entitlement that they can get ahead of anyone in any line just because they're black. This short black woman and her friends just kind of pretended we were invisible and walked ahead of us and got infront of us in the line. This did not surprise me as this is not an isolated phenomena, so I just let it go. I don't want to start shit over something so small, but it just bugs me that it happens often.

But that bitch got what she deserved, as she and her posse were seated up in the bleacher section while my wife and I were personally escorted by one of the seating people to two empty chairs right on the front row. See what happens whores, don't mess with the Jaime. As my wife and I sat kind of confused as to why we had been chosen to so close it finally dawned on us. "Oh, ok . . this is where the beautiful people sit". Duh. Unfortunately, my wife got moved to another section of the audience, but this was just for a bit involving Chewbacca and a couple of elderly Clone Troopers. Just a little cheesy Star Wars promotional stunt, but hey . . . Jimmy's gotta put food on his table somehow.

The show starts, and they do a little monologue, a couple of short comedy bits, and then bring out the first guest, Ozzy Osbourne. I have to say, for a man that old whose done that many drugs and has actually died . . . he's looking pretty good. Not that anyone in the audience understood a word he said, but he was amiable and talkative. He was promoting a cover album he recorded recently, which certainly does not interest me at all, but some of the Ozzy fans out there might. It's called "Ozzy Osbourne: Under Cover".

After that, the second guest comes out. It's 13 year old Josh Hutcherson. Who? Yeah, I know, we asked ourselves that same question during the pre-show warm-up. He is one of the kids (the older one) in that new Zathura movie coming out in two weeks. I'm somewhat interested in seeing that, since it's directed by John Favreau and it's a sorta-sequel to Jumanji. None of the same characters, but the book that the movie is based on was written by the same guy who wrote the aformentioned "jungle breaking loose in a home" movie. The kid was smart and well-spoken and we all just hope he does not stray into the dreaded kid actor curse . . . or else he'll be holding up 7-11's like Dana Plato.

After these two guests did their little promotional thing, we all got ushered out of the theater to the backlot, where 300 or so people had been waiting for a couple of hours already. The guy who was seating us had us and two other chicks go first and just before we reached the back area, handed the 4 of us green wristbands and told us that they were for the "Green Room". Score. In the back we were treated to 6 songs from Blackstar, who, for those not in the know, is comprised of Mos Def & Talib Kwali. Everyone in the crowd enjoyed it, my wife danced and sang along with the lyrics while I did something that's akin to a mild epileptic seizure.

The short concert ended, and we went around the stage while everyone left and headed into the Green Room, a swanky if there weren't so many beer bottles littered all over the place environment where connected people and the stars hang out before, during, and after the show. Ozzy had already left, and we got a sight of the Hutcherson kid as we went into the long hallway that took us to the Green Room. My wife was only really interested in meeting Blackstar, as she is a humongous fan of their work. So, we sat around, with Diet Coke's in hand, and waited about 20 minutes or so and then she caught a sight of Mos Def as he was leaving and she called out "Mos!" in an extremely cute way, and he turned around, acknowledged us, shook our hands, and then went off on his merry way. You should have seen the smile on my wife's face.

On the way out we said hello to Bobcat Golthwait (who directs the show) who smiled at my wife because he saw how happy she was. So, this was enough for us. We went out the back and noticed a crowd calling out for Mos Def for autographs. My wife looked through her purse for something to write on and I produced a piece of paper from my pocket, and she reached out to him and asked for an autograph. I think some old school friends of her were in the crowd because they recognized her and started to try to get her attention. She was too transfixed on the performer to care, and as she got her autograph from Mos, she smiled even harder.

We walked back to our car, paid 4 bucks for parking, and went home. If you were watching the show on 11/02/05, you might have caught a glimpse of me next to the Clone Troopers. I know there were a couple of shots of the back of my head and one of my left arm, and 1 or 2 shots where you can see my face. We had a great time there, and I recommend that anyone who's been thinking about going to go. Get tickets.

Cow-pocalypse

I like a hamburger from time to time . . . but thousands of hamburgers all at once is something I can only dream about. This is what will have to be done with the 68 cows that perished during 1 lightning strike. I know . . . that's a lotta available meat. Here's an excerpt from the article:

The cows were standing together in a paddock Monday when an electrical storm hit near Dorrigo on Australia's mid-east coast, radio reports said.Sixty-eight cows were killed by lightning, but another 69 survived, it said.

No wonder California cows are always so happy. They're never in danger of getting fried by a freak electrical storm. But rest assured, if that ever does happen, I won't be far away with a fork and butcher's knife handy.
Lucky Bitches

Hump-Day Techno-Ten

1. “Windows Live” - It just baffles me how much people rely on Windows as their OS. They have other options out there. If you don't want to plunk down the cash for an expensive Mac . . . run that Lynux/Unix stuff. It's friggin free. The only reason why people put up with the Windows headache is the fact that it comes pre-loaded in those cheap PC's. So, after going on that anti-Gates mini-rant . . . Windows Live is just a new version of MSN messenger. Whoopdeedoo.

2. Alito - Wait . . . GW Bush actually nominated a judge to the Supreme Court?? What's that guy smoking. I thought he was going the untraditional route. I heard that next up on his nomination list was his latina housekeeper, Leticia. And after that it was a chimpanzee called Jojo who knows how to sign. Imagine that, a chimp in a judge outfit handing out verdicts on the highest court in the land. I think Matt Leblanc could star in that movie. He's already done a chimp movie, and the way his NBC spin-off sitcom is going, he's going to need work soon.

3. “Rule 21” - A rule that has not been invoked in over 20 years. And why are the Republicans getting their collective panties in a bunch about this. Oh, that's right, because the Democrats called for it. I guess they want to find out just how fucked up our "Intelligence" was pre-Iraq war. Yeah, that's something to get all huffy puffy about. Friggin Republicans. You control pretty much all 3 branches of government . . . and still the Democrat resistance movement is tripping you up. Pathetic.

4. Microsoft - I could hate and rant and bitch about Microsoft all day long . . . but at the end of the day, after I put my iBook to sleep, I hop on the X Box to blow off steam. This is the only product that Microsoft has done with any certain measure of quality. And now that the X Box 360 is coming out, I will find myself spending 4 hundred dollars on a new game machine. I never thought I would pay more than 2 hundred for a console, but I am so enamoured with every aspect of the X Box that I will let it take all my money and not call me back in the morning.

5. Gomery - This pertains to some sort of report. Just what kind is unknown to me but it has to do with some Prime Minister called Jean Chretien. *Shrugs* I love being uninformed.

6. “Closed Session” - Does this have to do with a Senate hearing? Possible. I wonder why it's closed. Maybe they don't want us to see how badly they beat the crap out of the scant few Democrats in the Senate. It's probably like a fraternity hazing ritual in there where the Dems have to make out with goats and get paddled with canoe oars.

7. “Office Live” - More about the "revolutionary" updates that Microsoft is doing . . . being able to access MS Office online I guess. Who cares. Just send your wallet to Bill Gates already. You're going to end up giving him your money one way or another. Might as well take the direct route.

8. Ajax - I am perplexed by this term that consistently keeps showing up in Technorati. I guess it has to do something with computer cookies . . . and nothing to do with chocolate chip cookies. And since it has nothing to do with soft, chewy, recently baked choco-chip cookies . . . then I have no interest in this whatsoever. Hmm . . I just got hungry.

9. “Web 2.0” - You cannot get this. Stop looking for it. Unless you're in the government or pay 35 grand a semester and you're in college. Well, maybe not that much, but this is strictly for the lucky few that are working for the government or pursuing higher edumacation. You slackers sitting in your stained boxer shorts in your living room trying to download porn while watching the Jenny Jones show . . . it's not going to happen. You're not going to get Web 2.0. Deal with it.

10. “Harry Reid” - A lot of government related things today in the countdown. Which just leaves me with a big "blah, who cares" feeling. This whole term is shot. Nothing good will come out of it. Might as well move to Canada.

Gibson Bin-Laden

Is it me or is Mel Gibson becoming more and more Al-Qaeda looking every day? Just look at that beard. Wow. Maybe this would explain why he's just going bat-shit over his new movie which will . . . once again . . . utilize a languange no-one speaks anymore. CHUD's got the a little news story about the upcoming film. Here's Gibson's quote about it.

"It's set before the Conquest, so there are no European faces, and we are using mostly indigenous people and actors from Mexico City . . . There's still a lot of mystery to the Mayan culture, but when all is said and done, it's just the backdrop to what I'm doing -- creating an action adventure of mythic proportions, and I am a megalomaniac, so I like the position … A lot of it I just made up, and when I checked it out with historians and archeologists, it wasn't that far wrong."

I am curious to see this movie, since it's supposed to be high on the gore-quotient, much like the Passion of the Christ was. And there are sure to be some Mayan-chest-danglers on the screen . . . which might be a bad thing come to think about it. They never look great in National Geographic. But who knows, Gibson might just make them look great. Either way, I'm just waiting for this movie with a confused "WTF is he thinking".

Curtis Too Good For Acting

Seems Jamie Lee Curtis might have been bitten by the "uppity-snooty-bug". The AP (Associated Press) is reporting (in this great, ground breaking and totally relevant news story . . . pfft) that she is passing up acting gigs to focus on her new career. What's she doing for dough you ask? She writes childrens' books and is a self-proclaimed photographer.

Hey, I can pick up a polaroid camera and start taking pictures of cat anuses and call myself a photographer as well. And let's not get into my esteemed acting skills. But Jamie Lee Curtis, a person that owes everything she has to acting, is now scoffing at it and saying she's too good for it? Give me a break. I know the true reason why she doesn't want to get behind the camera . . . and all of you can see by the picture posted on this entry why.

Just look at her. She's old. She doesn't have the same killer body (but raging man-face) she had when she starred in that John Travolta movie about aerobics instructors. The way she looks like now she'd be lucky to get the part as the "Crazy Cat Lady" in the big screen adaptation of The Simpsons . . . and that would be a voice-over role. Or, if she were to deem the acting community with her prescense again, she could star in Freaky Friday 2, where bodies are not traded. Instead, Lohan would get an addiction to prescription tranquilizers while Curtis starts snorting the GDP of Colombia (in Colombia, they gauge their gross domestic product index in kilos of cocaine).