Her New Weight Loss Regimen

Oprah Winfrey . . . Meth addict. That would be so sweet. It would finally slim her down to the size she's always wanted to be and she would have an excuse as to why she's so friggin insane. Oh well, one who abhors her could only dream this billboard slip up would come true. *sigh*

War At Home Advertising Campaign

I guess that War at Home television show must be hard up for viewers, because either this is a pretty great marketing stunt . . . or the girl that plays the teenaged daughter just does not know how to dress herself. And I know, right around know your asking yourself "What the fuck is the War At Home??" It's that waste of time between the Simpsons and Family Guy on Fox. I know, I do my taxes too during that despicable half hour of televised non-entertainment. And even though the daughter is cute and all and she is stupid enough to show off her nipple to the entire internet community . . . it doesn't make me want to watch the show. I guess she's just not Paris Hilton material. By that, I don't mean she's as pretty as her, because Paris Hilton is not good looking at all . . . what I mean by Paris Hilton material is that this girl is not enough of a slut to shock a nation into stupor and watch whatever she's on. If the War at Home wants more ratings, then they need to leak out a video of this girl (what's her name by the way?? LOL) banging 3 dudes in an alley while a hobo with pompoms does a cheer in the background. Then I'll watch the show . . . religiously. And seriously . . . what's this girl's name?? See . . . she's not slutty enough for people to know her name. How sad.

Kate Moss Muff Slip

Right around now Kate Moss is hoping for someone else to expose themselves accidentaly so that the focus can be taken off her hairy muff. Looks like the paparazzi strike again and they caught her during some photo shoot rearranging her dress and showing off a 70's bush to the world. I think it's even hairier than Ciera's bush that we saw a couple of months ago when her pants split. Not as penis-y (allegedly) though, but still hairy. This single mom just can't catch a break I tells you. First the pictures of her snorting coke off of a CD case, then the video of her dancing around topless like a chicken with it's head cut off and now this. She might as well start doing some lines to dull the humiliation.

I know some people out there will find this to be sexy somehow. I don't. Zombies don't really do it for me. It's the way the scream out "BRAINS!" while you're getting it on with them. And it's not sexy when they try to take a piece of your scalp off to reach the gooey greatness that is brain matter. Sorry, not my thing. But for all the zombie lovers out there, this must be a little slice of heaven for you. George A. Romero must have a woody when he looks at this picture.

DVD Tome "H & I"

I know it's been a while since I made an entry in the DVD tome. What can I say, with the holidays and the being out of town and the loss of interest on my part . . . it's kind of hard to continue. But, I made a commitment to finish this up, and I'm going to do it. So, for the one or two people that were looking forward to the continuation of this feature, get your vaseline and bounty ready. For everyone else, just come back later.

H

Hannibal - I remember watching this originally in a movie theater. I liked it then, and I really liked the parenting skills of a certain couple that brought what looked like to be a 2 year old to the theater with them. Right on retards. I wonder what was next on their agenda. Tape open her eyes and make her watch Faces of Death over and over again a la Clockwork Orange? The movie itself is not as good as Silence of the Lambs, but it's enjoyable. Anthony Hopkins really does a great Hannibal Lecter. It's pretty much his character by now. Nice little bit of trivia . . .he was not the first actor to play Hannibal. Extra credit points for the person who can tell us who that actor was in the comments section.

Heavenly Creatures - I like Peter Jackson's work. The upcoming King Kong has me all hyped up about going to the movies again. It looks awesome. So I recommend people catch up on his earlier work. Specially this tale of two teenage girls and their wild imagination and intense friendship that leads to murder. It's got Kate Winslet when she was 17 . . . before she packed on the Titanic pounds. This movie is what got PJ noticed in Hollywood so that he could move on to make more commercial work like The Frighteners. Check it out.

Hellsing (Vol 1-2) - This vampire genre anime is ok. Not fantastic like the previews made it out to be. It's a pretty standard story of hot anime girl who finds herself in weird situation and has to learn how to deal while keeping her ginormous breasts bouncy. It just so happens that the girl gets turned into a vampire . . . and the twist . . . she's part of a vampire hunting organization. I didn't continue buying because I got bored.

High Tension Unrated - This French slasher flick is fantastic. Even the twist at the end that most people find to be too jolting did not faze me. I loved this movie. It's pretty harsh and gory, and makes you flinch. It also makes me want to go out and buy a chainsaw, but that's a different story.

Hollow Man - It was bound to happen. A Kevin Bacon movie was bound to show up in my list somewhere, and here it is. Hollow Man was the shit back in the day. The whole invisible man effects were cool. It even sparked an Invisible Man tv show on SciFi that I watched almost religiously. But, in the end, this movie is just plain ol' cheesy. It's not terrible, but it ain't no Tremors.

Hookers in a Haunted House - This movie made The Sal call me half way through him watching it and prompted him to ask me "What the fuck is wrong with you man?" This movie is that fucked up. And not fucked up good . . . fucked up as in "why was this ever made?". I like these kinds of movies though, and paying 6 bucks for it at Best Buy might sound like a high price for this DVD-shaped turd of a movie, but it's fun. This movie tries to be funny. It tries to break that fourth wall and wink at the audience, but it all feels retarded. Even the villian Bagjob looks like there was zero effort put into his character. He wears a paper bag on his head. That's his evil disguise! I love this movie. Go buy it.

Hulk - I fucked up when I went to Target to get this movie and purchased the fullscreen version. I hate modified to fit your screen movies. Give me my widescreen! But, I wasn't about to go buy another one. You see . . . the Hulk is a good movie, just not the great movie everyone was expecting after X-Men & Spider-Man were released. Maybe choosing Ang Lee was a bad choice for an action movie. He does great character work in this though. The actors are well coached . . . and Jennifer Connely looks angelic (drools), but it just lacks the action that people were looking for when they went to see this in the theaters. This is why it kinda tanked at the box office.

I

Incredible Adventures of Wallace & Gromit, The - I love me some Wallace & Gromit. It's claymation heaven, and in this you get the first three animated shorts Aardman animation created that led to this summer's W&G big screen movie. You can see a clear progression on the quality of the claymation as well, which is really cool. Everything gets better from the first one where they go to the moon to get some cheese to the last one where they have a penguin tenant who is not what it seems. Fantastic work here. I love it.

Incredibles, The - I predict this to be the last great Disney/Pixar collaboration. Yeah, I know that Pixar has one more movie in the works coming out next year that is still associated with the Evil Empire, but it just looks like they're going through the motions. Cars will not be as good as The Incredibles. Watching this movie in a packed theater was a great experience as kids were just saying "wow" & "whoa" throughout the whole thing while the adults got the jokes meant for them. Gorgeous animation too. Great story. I'm excited to see what Pixar will be tackling now that they're not dragging the Disney ball & chain around.

Insomnia - Robin Williams as a bad guy. Hmm . . . I don't know. And Al Pacino as a guy that can't get any sleep? That I can get, since he's old and tired anyway. I guess having Mork kill you is kind of creepy. I don't think I enjoyed this movie as much as I enjoyed Memento, the director's previous work, but it did lead him to making that pretty cool Batman Begins movie, so I'll forgive the slight lack of quality in it.

There you go, two for the price of one.

Box Office Tally

Am I experiencing deja vu? And not the good kind with the strippers and the lap dances. The other kind where you see something again. Looks like everyone wants to see either a bunch of pubescent magic users or post-pubescent drug abusers. The new movies that hit the theaters in time to lull you to sleep after your Thanksgiving dinner barely made a dent on the totals. I'm surprised that "In the Mix" even made the top ten since it was not shown to critics. No negative press must be good press. The Potter franchise adds another 50 million or so taking it up to 200 million for 2 weeks. Walk The Line did ok as well bringing it's total past the 50 million mark and Disney's Pixar-free endevour into CG animation is closing in on 120 million. Which is discouraging, because this means that they'll keep pumping out this kind of crap for a while.

Rent finally finds it's way into wide release. Women will be dragging their boyfriends/husbands to this in the coming weeks. It looks like not enough women were able to tear their men away from football enough to take them to watch this musical . . but I'm sure it will do decent at the box office. Ryan Reynolds still can't catch a break as his "guy in a fat suit who is no longer fat and tries to get the girl" movie opens up to a disappointing take. Oh well.

1. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
2. Walk the Line
3. Yours, Mine and Ours
4. Chicken Little
5. Rent
6. Just Friends
7. Pride and Prejudice
8. Derailed
9. In the Mix
10. The Ice Harvest

Resident Sticking it to West Hollywood

I could not think of a more appropiate heading for this story I found on Yahoo News. It seems there's a disgruntled resident of the city of West Hollywood in Los Angeles that is fighting the city council to change the name of his street. The street in question is "Dicks Street" . . . and if you've ever visited WeHo (as the more flamboyant residents call it) you couldn't find a more appropiately named street. That place is crawling with gays. Not that that's a bad thing. It's a really nice and affluent area that's got a great night scene . . . so long as you stick to Sunset Blvd. If you're on Santa Monica Blvd, then the hookers knocking on your passanger side window will most likely have penises.

But, why is this guy fighting to change the name. He knows where he lives. What else could he expect. Well, here's an excerpt from the article. Read up.

"Since we moved in four years ago its just become such a hassle," Fisk said. "It's embarrassing. Something definitely needs to be changed. I realize that it's a man's name, but words change meaning, and this one has."

Dicks Street is in a neighborhood that fancies first names for its roads, with Keith and Norma among the choices.

Fisk, who collected signatures on a petition from more than half of the residents on Dicks Street, has so far been met with a lack of interest from city officials, who say that changing a street name is too much work.

If I were a city official in WeHo, I'd probably be too busy stocking up on anal lube to care much about some residents of Dicks Street that are upset about the name of their street. Good luck with that change, you're going to need it.

Tom Cruise: Crazy or Considerate?

I don't know how to catalogue this. Tom Cruise just purchased a sonogram for Katie Holmes. As a gift. How do you wrap that up anyway. Can't you tell that it's a sonogram-shaped gift. It'd be like getting an unusually shaped Christmas present that you instantly know what it is. "Oh, thanks for the oversized Ben Wa Balls, thanks for not putting them in a box". So it's a little insane that he'd give her that. But, I guess, since they are having a baby that may or may not be the reincarnated L. Ron Hubbard, it should come in handy. I'll let the article on the crazy/considerate guy do the talking:

The 43-year-old actor said the couple will do their own sonograms, which show fetus development with ultrasound waves. Cruise said he will donate the machine to a hospital after the baby is born. Sonogram machines range in cost from $25,000 to $200,000.

Dick Gets X'ed

The above is not a doctored image. This actually aired for 1/7 of a second on CNN as they were covering a live speech. It's being reported as a computer bug, but I think it's the work of a rabid liberal. Not that I'm against the X in any way, shape, or form. I think it's hilarious. But, if someone ever has the chance to get a "computer bug" to cause some sort of mischief during a vice-presidential speech, they should try to get some devil horns or a handlebar moustache and some knocked out teeth. Yeah, and maybe a cool scar on his cheek. Oh wait, I'm just describing what I do to pictures on Cosmo.

Love.Angel.Music.Baby.Nipple?

I love the nipple slip. Not Gwen's specifically, just in general. It just goes to show that they can't dress themselves properly, and these wardrobe malfunctions happen all the time. It proves my theory that stars just kind of lie down and have people dress them. People with no clear fashion sense who think that throwing on a leopard print dress on a chick is going to be "hot". If you remember correctly (and you better . . . or else) I had posted a comparison picture many moons ago showing similar print dresses that Stefani and Lohan were wearing to the same event. Lohan was at least safe from the nipple slip since her tatas were extremely deflated due to her alleged cocaine addiction . . . err . . I mean stress from having a crazy father. Yeah, that'll do it. *rolls eyes*

But anyway, lots of people find Gwen to be attractive. So, this is for you. I hope you enjoy it. Now, hows'about clicking on some of those ads on the side so I can finally get paid around here. Seriously, Christmas is coming . . . and at this rate, I'm going to end up giving away cans of cranberry sauce to people. Hmm . . . I guess that can't be that bad right? Everyone loves cranberry sauce.

Cocaine's a Hell of a Drug

Immortal words quoted by Rick James, Kate Moss knows all about this. A short video clip recently surfaced of her flopping around like a topless fish during some modeling shoot. I guess, when you have enough cocaine in you to powder a whole day's worth of yummy cocaine-flavored donuts, things like this are bound to happen. I could go on and on making fun of Kate Moss, but seriously, the video does it for me. So, click here and check out what a pre-exorcism . . err . . . I mean rehab Moss was up to.

Initial Attempt - Foiled

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Magical Box Office Kaching

1. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - This had a 100+ million dollar opening, which is the best for the franchise so far along with setting some sort of record for November. I tell you, these books have made people really really rich thanks to not only sales of the paper version but ticket revenue from the film versions. I just hope people don't start to worship JK Rowling like L Ron Hubbard . . . but then again . . . she didn't write Battlefield Earth . . . so how bad could that religion be really?

2. Walk the Line - I did not know that Joaquin Pa-hoe-nix could sing . . . maybe it's that frog in gnawing its way through his brain. It could be that a byproduct of this happening is him developing a Johnny Cash-esque singing voice. He does pretty well in this . . . and I did not mind getting dragged to this movie by my wife. Sure, Reese Whitherspoon's chin scares me, but it doesn't get in the way of the acting.

3. Chicken Little - I like Zach Braff. I watch his Scrubs show, I dig his Garden State movie . . . I hate that he sold out to Disney. Oh well, a man has to fund his developing hooker habit right. Allegedly of course. And let me rephrase . . . I didn't mean hookers. I mean underage catholic schoolgirls. How silly of me.

4. Derailed - I don't know what's harder to believe, the plot of this psychological thriller or the fact that Clive Owen agreed to roll around in the sack with man-faced Jennifer Aniston and have Xhibit punk him around. Sure, Aniston has a body that most women would kill for . . . but that face. Even GQ recognizes this and named her "Man of the Year".

5. Zathura - Looks like the Jumanji sequel is going pretty much unwatched. It's a shame because I hear it's really good. Even though it has that guy from the first season of Punk'd on it. Oh well, I'm pretty sure I'll catch this on DVD. The wife doesn't want to go see this because it's a kid's movie . . . but I didn't see her have any problems with dragging me to the Spongebob Squarepants movie.

6. Jarhead - This was a good movie about nothing. I guess you could call it the Seinfeld of war movies. It's pretty fucking funny too, if you don't mind male nudity. Thankfully, the audience I watched it with didn't get all "Ewww" when things like male ass were on the screen. I hate it when that happens. Like they haven't seen their own ass before. Grow up people.

7. Get Rich or Die Tryin' - I really wish that Half'a'dolla would have died trying to get rich. Then, this would be much more interesting. All the good gangster movies end that way. There are no happy endings in gangster movies. Otherwise, it's a joke . . . much like 50 Cent's career.

8. Saw 2 - I have not seen it, so I can't tell you if I saw Saw . . haha, get it. Saw. That's what the French call a "double entendre", and although it sounds kinda like something you would find in a porno movie, it's perfectly safe to use this term around your parents. Specially if your parents are into porn. Then they'll go off to their room and try to do a double entendre. Just make sure you have extra hips lying around for an impending replacement surgery.

9. The Legend of Zorro - The legend should be how it got made in the first place. I would understand if this was made a couple of years after the original, when we were all on a Zorro high. But this movie just looks like it's treading old water. Same with Zeta Jones, who just needs to stick to T-Mobile ads and letting old guys pork her.

10. Pride and Prejudice - This seems to be a sci-fi adaptation of the Jane Austen book . . . because it casts Keira Knightly as the frumpy unkempt sister who nobody wants to marry? Sure, her rack needs a little work (as evidenced by her nude scenes in The Jacket) but she's not ugly. She can't act very well, but that's a different story. Other than that, I have no interest in this movie unless there is hardcore sex in it. Yeah, I didn't think there was either. Pass!

Impending Plastic Doom

You work hard, put in extra hours, horde all your money to try to pay off the stupid purchases of your credit card past. That's pretty much what I do. Try to put out a credit forest fire with a spoonful of water at a time. It's nearly impossible. Specially when Bill Gates decides it's time for your gaming console to become obsolete and we all need to go out and buy a new one. Sure, the X Box has been around for a while. So, every so often new consoles come out. It's just the evolution of the videogame industry.

The problem is, I'm going to have to dip into the credit cards to afford this purchase. Sure, I could not pay rent for a month and then buy it no problem . . . but I'm sure my landlord would not like that all that much. And to the crazy people out there who are even thinking "Why do you need to buy it anyway? Why not just wait 'til you have the cash?" Are you kidding me? Wait? And be the only punk on the block without an X Box 360?? No friggin way. There are advantages to getting this at launch time too.

The accessories that come bundled with the 400 dollar package total out to 225 bucks of extra stuff. The 300 buck version pretty much comes stripped of these add ons, and it comes with a wired controller? What is this . . . 1985? The expensive bundle comes with a wireless controller, the essential 20 gig hard drive, all sorts of cables and a universal remote control which is only available for a short time. So it's key that I get this tomorrow . . . and then take the hit to the credit card.

Sure, I won't be opening the box until Christmas. I know, how gay. My wife just wants me to have something cool to open that day, and since she's paying for a fraction of it, I guess she has some say as to when I can finally get my mitts on this gaming dream of a console. Which means that for a month and change, I will be staring at the closet or storage area housing the X Box 360 box intently. I hope this doesn't bother the wife. So, if you're in Los Angeles . . . I suggest you wait til Wednesday to go get your 360. That'll give me enough time to go to the store and get the one I want undisrupted.

Wastes of Space to Wed

As I was browsing through the yahoo news page, I found this completely irrelevant story, much like the subjects it's covering, about the recent engagement of Kimberly Stewart to Talan Torriero. You may know Kimberly from being the waste of space daughter of Rod Stewart . . . or as the girl that fell of the motorcycle accompanying Paris Hilton on the red carpet. Yeah, she's one of these rich socialite heiresses that if not for her parent's success . . . she would end up on the street charging 5 bucks a pop in her mouth.Talan, you might know if you're a girl and you watch Laguna Beach religiously. The article called him one of the "stars" of that show. I didn't know reality television crap could have stars. Anyway, expect their impending wedded union to creaty some sort of blackhole that will suck everything into it. I don't see anything else happening other than that.

These two were last seen in the backseat of Paris Hilton's Greek Shipping Heir's Bently as he rear-ended a delivery truck while attempting to run down some paparazzi. In that video, later on, the car was pulled over by the cops, and it shows him clearly saying "I'm the only one sober here, let's get out of here" and promptly gets in the backseat. If this is how he acts sober, I wonder what mental state he was in when he proposed to Stewart. I'm pretty sure that whatever state that was, he kept hearing "Kaching!" in the background over and over again.

Search Terms A Plenty

Back to our weekly feature of search terms that got people to my blog. It's sad really, since these people were obviously looking for some information on the web and they landed here instead. Haha! Suckers. Learned you a lesson . . . and hopefully gained a reader.

kroq song birchum sandman - from Google, seems like someone in Los Angeles is looking for old Adam Carolla MP3's. Good luck buddy. Those things are golden. Specially his Birchum bits.

RE CAP OF LOST - from MSN, seems that people who missed last night's episode were looking for info on it, and found last week's recap. Sorry, teehee. If you want to know what happened, pretty much the first 48 days of the tail section of flight 815. Their run-ins with the Others and their own Ethan Rom-esque mole. It was good, but my wife hates Michelle Rodriguez and her ugly cry face. So she was mocking her throughtout the whole thing.

Jimmy Kimmel and black women - from Google, which yields some interesting search results. Don't know what they were looking for but they most likely found my gripe with black people and their self-entitlement to cut in line whenever they want. I know that's probably not what they were looking for . . . but oh well.

anne hathaway havoc quicktime - from Google and other search engines. Many permutations of this search query have been coming in. Perverts I tell you. How dare you try to check out the rack of the Princess with the Mammaries . . err . . . I mean diaries.

"evangeline lilly" pushups - from Google, I actually would be interested in more information about this as well. Someone, please hook it up . . . for the wife. Yeah, that's right . . the wife. *wink*

damon lindeloff numbers - from French Google . . . freakin frogs always looking for info on my blog. I tell you, I feel like Joaquin Phoenix . . . is there a frenchman crawling out of my head? I think he mistook my gray matter for some tasty escargot.

paparazzi dominic evangeline - from AOL, the person must have been looking of pictures of Evangeline Lilly and Dominic Monaghan smooching it up on the beaches of Hawaii. I've seen them, they're not all that . . . but it does make her look incredibly good looking because she's macking with a Hobbit with the face of a catcher's mitt.

joaquin phoenix crazy brain quote - from Google, this quote is hilarious. I'm not going to tell you what it is, because you can find it in another post on this blog. But trust me, look for it. Great stuff.

And, that's it for this week.

Bin Laden's Niece

I had no idea that Osama Bin Laden had a niece. And a niece that's all into looking like an Afghan Angelina Jolie. Sure, she's not as hot as Jolie is, but the sheer size of those lips closely approximate the size of canoes, so she's almost there. I wonder if this chaps the ass of Osama. Seeing one of his nieces gallavanting around like a western whore. No wonder he wants to topple skyscrapers full of people in them.

I think we should all, collectively as a nation, start masturbating to pictures of his niece. That way, the terrorists don't win. I won't partake in the group masturbation because she's not that appealing to me, but I think it's your patriotic duty to do this for your country. If you need to, paint a little paper bag over her face on the jpeg.

Sexiest Man Alive?

Mathew friggin McConaughey was just named by People magazine the sexiest man alive? What the hell? Last I checked Hans Moleman from the Simpsons and myself were in a dead heat for first place in this contest of beautiful men. That bastard McConaughey must have paid off some of the judges or performed lewd sexual favors to inch ahead . . . get it . . . head. Yes, McConaughey blew the judges in order to win. His name has "ghey" in it, which is l33t for "gay".

So, I guess I'll have to wait 'til next year to claim my glorious crown. Maybe some of you slackers could send in some write-in votes and sway the judges for me. Come on, I can be like that 18 year old kid who won the mayoral race in that hillbilly town in Illinois last week . . . but sexier.

Oscillating Fan Mail

I get mountains and mountains (if you were microscopic and made up of electrons) of fan e-mail here at the BAFW HQ, and here's a sample of the range that they usually fit in.

Jaime,

My co-workers brought up that rumor about Jaime Lee Curtis being a tranny. When I plugged it in a search, I saw your site. I started to read your comments. I have to tell you I read about 10 of them aloud. You are absolutely hysterical! I was like I have to hang out w/ this guy. Too bad you are so far away...I would totally buy you shots all night and just listen to your rants!! My fave was about Nicole Ritchie looking like a corpse!! And it's funny..I just rented Shaun of the Dead...and seriously though the exact same crap to myself ;) With all my random thoughts, my friends are always telling me that I make them laugh but I'm going to hell. It's nice to see someone else's sick thoughts :) Tooo f'n funny!!! Keep it up!!! :)

-Donna :)

This came from someone with an optonline e-mail inbox. Here at work, we deal with a lot of optonline users, and it's refreshing to see one of the non-retarded ones sending me a message.

Hey Fuckwad,

You suck,

Love,

The Monkey living in your Head

And in case you're wondering why i put in "oscillating" in the title. Well, it's clever, and also one of it's definitions is: "Physics. To vary between alternate extremes, usually within a definable period of time". You see, the e-mail with the happy faces is clearly loving my blog. The one from the alleged monkey in my head, not so much. I do love reading all of your e-mails pertaining to the subjects I write about, so waste some time on that. Send me some more hate/love.

DVD Tome "G"

G.

Garden State - Zach Braff's directorial debut, and what a smart guy he is to cast himself as the lead and have Natalie Portman as his leading lady. They get to smooch around, he has her running around in her bra and panties, she's all adorable all over the place. Not to mention that this movie is also well written and the actors are perfectly cast. This is the movie that Elizabethtown strived to be, but fell short because it chose a troll for a leading lady.

Gangs of New York - I don't watch many Leonardo DiCaprio movies. But this is a Martin Scorsese movie, so I trust the director to at least get a decent performance from his actors. And Leo's maturing a little, picking better roles, and not eating as many pies as he used to. I guess being married to Gisele Bundchen will do that. This movie's appropriately bloody and it's long too. 2 DVD's, but we kind of get robbed at the end. You'll see what I mean.

Gatekeepers (Vol 1-3) - Another one of those unfinished series's. Anime used to dominate my bank account back before I was married. This one has some pretty tight animation and a cool 60's vibe, but after I got hitched and the wife started frowning upoin these kinds of purchases . . . I just kind of let the interest in this fall by the wayside. I know, what a tragic tale.

Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex - Speaking of anime hating wives . . . she actually buckled down and bought me this for X-mas. I know, it's only the first one in a series of DVD's, but this might mean that she might pick up the 2nd one for me this X-mas, and I might finish the series in 2010. Who knows, a boy can wish right?

Ghost in the Shell: Innocence - Otherwise known as Ghost in the Shell 2, this follow-up to the first movie finds the focus shifted to Batou as he tries to solve a robotic sex-doll crime spree. Oh, and yes, this is anime as well, so now . . . that storyline doesn't seem all that far-fetched right. No penis tentacles or raping of schoolgirls in this one, but you do get a phyllosphically charged story and an anime basset hound.

Gladiator Eroticus - This is lesbian porn. Not great lesbian porn, but there's not a single schlong entering a vagina in this movie. Which is a shame. Not that I'm against lesbo porno action, it's just that it's not that good. It feels like it's played for laughs here, and either I'm not getting an inside joke, or these people have no sense of humor whatsoever. But, it ain't no Hookers in a Haunted House, so that's a relief.

Go - Doug Lyman's a good director. I really enjoyed Swingers, and Go is not as good, but just as enjoyable. The intertwining story-lines are fun, the actors ham it up a little, and Katie Holmes does not distract me too much. I do like the scene where Sarah Polley is selling those retard rave kids the aspirin and passing it off as ecstasy. Hilarious. "Do you feel it? Yeah, it's like a wave". Oh man.

Grudge, The - This is the American remake, strangely shot by the Japanese director of the Japanese original. Treading water maybe? Hmm . . . I think they mentioned that this was a follow-up to the first one, but from what I hear, it's pretty much a shot for shot remake. Oh well, it's creepy, and powder-white japanese boys running around in their underwear will forever creep me out. Specially when they make cat noises. Friggin cats. Hmph! The only thing I did not get is why Sarah Michelle Gellar didn't kick some ass in this. She's Buffy the Vampire Slayer right? She could have totally roundhouse kicked the ghost in the face and ended it's rampage. If I ran the movies, that would have been in there. I don't care if it wouldn't have worked. It would still be in there.

The G's are done, ya heard G-dawg.

Friendly Fire Foul-Up

So, as I posted last week, my brother is back in the U.S. and he's safe in the Naval Hospital over at Camp Pendleton. His foot is healing fine, apart from the 50-cent coin-sized hole in his foot. The wound should heal up just fine without needing a skin graft, so that's good. And his shrapneled-up arm just needed stitches.

The thing is that he wasn't hit by the enemy. No, he was thrown 20-some feet by an explosion created by our guys. Friendly fire. Seems my brother and his squad mates were done clearing a house when their sargeant told him to get their packs. Now, what the sargeant didn't know is that the house next door was getting blown to shit in order to be stormed and cleared. So in they go looking for their packs, and boom! goes the house. Needless to say, being next door to an explosion can be a little jarring. This is a pretty standard procedure when clearing houses. The Marines would rather make a hole in a wall than go in through the front door which is much more prone to being booby-trapped. This practice is fine with me, but they should start having our guys next door to an explosion. Makes a little more sense, don't it?

But, at least he's fine. And he's out of the shit for at least 6-8 months. They expect him to get back as good as he was before the accident. I hope so. He's getting 30 days of leave before the 6-8 months re-hab so it's going to be great having him around. And I can beat up on him again now that he's all weak and shit. Until he gets back to Marine shape, where he'll begin to put me in headlocks again. Yay . . . argh!