Dead Rising - DOA

I love my XBOX 360. For the most part, I've enjoyed every single game I've played on it. Some more than others. I had heard great things about "Dead Rising", and was eagerly anticipating playing it, and so was my wife. I was fortunate enough to marry a zombie-lover. So, we got the game from Gamefly, and popped it into the console.

At first, everything looks great. The game is moving along quite nicely, and right after the cinematic where the protagonist jumps out of the helicopter onto the top of the mall, the load screen comes up . . . and never leaves. We try it multiple times, and get to the same spot, and nothing progresses past that.

So, we figure it is a defective disk, contact Gamefly, and they send me another copy. We pop that one in, start playing it, and then get to the same spot. Both my wife and I are sitting there, with our fingers crossed, waiting for the load screen to yield the next part of the game.

But, once again, nothing happens! We encounter the same damn problem. I did some checking up online about different problems people had while running this game . . . and they were pretty scary issues. The most benign one referenced the small text style CAPCOM chose to go with, making it very hard to read anything on screen when using a standard definition television. The opposite end of the spectrum of problems was ending up with a completely dead XBOX 360. I even heard guest-host Brett Butler on XPLAY say that it had happened on her 360 as well. So, while not being able to play a game that looks fucking awesome sucks, at least maintaining my console operational is the silver-lining. I'll just go back to playing N3, which I'm still trying to hack/slash my way through.

Jessica Biel - Built for Tossing?

I am . . . umm . . . I need some time alone with this picture. Anyone have a squeegie? I'm going to need to clean my screen after I'm done here. Wow, what a tongue.

HDH - Mary Louise Parker

I'm not sure if it's a physical attraction thing, although, in that picture, those knockers are looking pretty hot . . . but I think it's more the personality that she has that earned her the "Hump Day Hottie" of the week spot here on BAFW. That smile's not hurting either. Mary Louise Parker's the kind of actress you've seen handle serious acting roles in the past with lots of grace and talent. You can see her in one of my new favorite shows, "Weeds", playing a suburban housewife that has to take up dealing marijuana after her husband croaks unexpectedly without any life insurance policy (don't worry honey, mine's taken care off). Despite the grim set-up, it does make for some funny television. Check it out. There's a reason Mary Louise Parker beat out all the "Desperate Housewives" actresses for the award in her hand.

Ninety-Nine Nights: I need a bigger TV

I got N3: Ninety-Nine Nights over the weekend from Gamefly. I had downloaded the demo from XBOX Live about a month ago and had not been all that impressed. The camera angles were a little off and it really did nothing to impress me. Sure, it looked pretty but I didn't think I would like it too much.

I decided to rent it anyway. After all, I was done with PGR3 (505/1000 achievement points . . . try getting more than that) and needed something to play while my wife (who is totally not a nerd, trust me) was digging into "Dead Rising". So, it arrived and I popped it into the 360. From the get-go, you start off with a different character. The one in the demo was kind of slow. Inphyy is one fast motha. She rocks it with a sword and performs all these acrobatic moves that look really sweet. And she doles out the damage like a pro. Her story veers towards the dark side as you progress through it, which is quite satisfying. I'm tired of do-gooders.

Once you go through all of the missions for her, you get to use other characters, and you go through similar missions with them. This, in turn opens up more characters, so in the end you are seeing the conflict from every conceivable angle. This keeps the game refreshing and increases the replayability value.

One of the only complaints I have is the lack of save points on the game. There's nothing quite like going through one of the missions all the way to the boss, and getting chumped by a low blow that kills you. Then, you have to go through the whole mission again . . . and some of these monsters can have you hacking/slashing through hundreds of enemies for a good hour.

Apart from that, there are great cinematics. Awesome lighting effects. Sweet super-moves. And anime-ish chicks in revealing armor . . . or naughty-witch costumes. This is a definite rental recommendation from me. I wouldn't buy it, only because of the total abscense of multi-player modes. Other than that, the game looks fabulous and makes me want to own a plasma television. The game really needs hi-def to get the full effect of how great this videogame is.

TuGMO - Is this 2nd Base?

I've never been very well versed on the whole "bases" business, but I think these two chicks have crossed at least first, and are well on their way to a homerun. It's a short little tease of a video. After all, this is not a pornographic site . . . all of the time.

Drapes & Carpet - No Match

So, another week, another Lindsay Lohan pussy picture. This girl just can't stop herself from wearing things that easily reveal her private parts. Now, unlike last week's entry in the continuing saga that is exposing herself to the public, this one actually looks to be much more on the real side. I'm not making any judgements yet, but this one at least does not look like it belongs to a mummified camel, so it might be the real thing. It's kind of interesting that the thing is bare. It looks like she went the "tile" way rather than having to maintain a more "carpet"ed look. I guess that when you change hair color as much as she does, getting a Brazilian wax just saves time.

Box Office Report - Weak Sauce

Wow, not a single movie with more than 10 million dollars this weekend. Sure, a few of these have made money previously, but the three or so movies that opened this weekend must not have inspired many to seek refuge from the heat in a movie theater. I'm not even going to take the time to even discuss them. Here's the list, with no frills. Not even bolded numbers. I know. That's how disappointed I am.

1. The Covenant - $8,852,458
2. Hollywoodland - $5,926,177
3. Invincible - $5,630,126 $45,500,634
4. The Protector - $5,034,180
5. Crank - $4,904,308 $19,962,812
6. The Illusionist - $4,514,306 $17,963,845
7. Little Miss Sunshine - $4,273,545 $41,494,873
8. The Wicker Man - $4,062,271 $17,433,396
9. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby - $3,012,596 $142,193,465
10. Barnyard: The Original Party Animals - $2,715,092 $67,014,342

Scientology - What are your Crimes?

I don't usually post 10 minute long videos . . . but when it comes to Scientology and the kookiness of it all, I make an exception. Now, my personal opinion about this "religion" is that it is a cult. A subversive and incredibly efficient almost borderline criminal organization that has managed to brainwash a lot of people into buying their bullshit. But, that's just my opinion. I'm not trying to sway public opinion. I'm just 1 Blogger. But watch the video and see how the Scientology Acolytes treat this guy behind the camera. It's at least good for a couple of laughs. All it needs is John Travolta making out with a guy and it would be perfect.

Girl Fight Fridays - Nothing Witty; Just Fighting

I'm kind of burn-out today. So, this being my fourth post of the day, I'm just going to let the video do the talking for me. I like the little bit of slo-mo right in the middle. Great little editing.

50 Cent Pulls a Paris

Driving erratically and getting arrested must be the new "it" thing to do for celebrities. 50 Cent just got pulled over for driving his uninsured Lamborghini (living on the edge) erratically by an un-marked police car. He then refused to get out of the car and opted to make a phone call instead (the edge of retardation that is). Who's next? Haley Joel Osmont already flipped his Saturn (blang blang!) and got busted with weed in the car. It seems that no celebrity is safe from getting busted by the cops. Which should make for some great entertainment for me. :)

Making Friends - The Corporate Way

The company I work for keeps making friends all over the place. Just take a look at this client's e-mail. You can almost sense how happy he is, or was, with the product he put on his computer.

I am very upset with your product and it is my opinion that you have designed software that ruins my machine if I choose to discontinue its use or attempt to delete it. This is the highest form of theft I can think of. All companies who employ such practices should be blown to bits. If you believe you are helping yourselves by conducting business that way you are sadly mistaken. This type of crap my work good in the short run, but is no way to keep long term customers. But how naive I must be to believe anyone who does this crap is interested in being in business for any real length of time since you and all of the others are engineering punishment for those who use your product and then wish to discontinue. All software companies should be publicly flogged. This is a SCUMBAG move!!!! If you have the nerve to deal with me I would tell you this personally. If the people who run this dump have any nerve or integrity they would call me personally to get apiece of my mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, to re-cap . . . he wants to have our babies.

Search Terms - Putting out the Firecrotch

You will notice (because I have bolded them) an influx of Lindsay Lohan searches this week. Well, this shouldn't be a surprise to anyone since she "allegedly" had a super-upskirt and showed everyone her ham-sandwhich'y-looking cooter. Or . . . maybe not. That picture is a fake and Lindsay Lohan's vagina does not look like it belongs to an 80 year old woman. Well, actually, it could . . . but we don't know for sure. So, enjoy perusing the list. There are some winners in there.

lohan panty - Google Search
anna farris oops - Google Search DE
"green dress" crotch "howard stern" - Google Search
evangeline lilly nip slip - Google Search
"Emma Watson fart" - Google Search
lindsay lohan boat crotch shot - Google Search
lohan dress - Google Search
adlla - BlogSearch
v for vendetta nipple portman - Google Search
girls kissing - BlogSearch
fergie wardrobe failure - Google Search
deviant clip upskirt - ICQ Search
"pee olympic" - Google Search PL
Lindsay Morgan Lohan panty - Google Search
Katharine McPhee slip - Google Search AU
gymnast crotch accident - Google Search
kristen bell nipple - Google Search
She's the man screencaps - Google Search AU
zero 7 hollywood bowl sold out - Google Search
kimberly stewart upskirt nude picture - Yahoo Search
lohan's crotch picture - Google Search
all upskirt - BlogSearch
Katherine McPhees boob fell out on American Idol pictures - Google Search
lindsay lohan no underwear - Google Search CA
lohan crotchshot - Google Search
fergie at vma dress malfunction - Google Search
lohan crotch boat - Google Search
emma watson nipple slip - Yahoo Search
lindsey lohan+exposed - Google Search
lohan crotch -fire, -fiery - Google Search
Lindsay Lohan "crotch photo" - Google Search
lindsay lohan exposed crotch boat - Google Search
lindsay lohan no underwear paparazzi - Google Search KR
emma watson wardrobe malfunction - Google Search UK
clipping of wardrobe malfunction - Google Search IN
OOPS NIP SLIP - BlogSearch
gotan project pervert hollywood bowl - Google Search
linsey lohan no panties picture - Yahoo Search
bijou phillips wardrobe malfunctions - Yahoo Search
nipple slip.com lindsay lohan - Google Search
natalie portman - picking wedgie - Google Search
LINSEY LOHAN EXPOSED AWARDS - Yahoo Search
gretchen moll pictures nude - Google Search ES
Angels in Chains nip slip - Google Search
picture:lindsey lohan without panties - Google Search
"my wife" bra nipple "she can't stop" - Google Search
"emmanuelle in space"+capture+watch - Google Search TR
"emma watson smoke" - Google Search FR
actress wardrobe malfunctions - Google Search CA
jessica alba ass - AltaVista Search AT
celebrity nip slips-scarlett johanssen - Yahoo Search
hermione nip slip - Google Search
"amanda bynes nip slip" video - Google Search
florida weather roach - BlogSearch
lindsay lohan cooter cannes - Google Search
how much money does emma watson make - Google Search CA
hermione "her bikini" cock - Google Search UK

Paris Cuffed - Cops Earn Pay!

You know how you're always wondering just where the hell the cops are when you are watching someone being a jackass on the freeway? Like that douchebag that cut you, and 5 other cars, off and swerved onto the off-ramp. Why wasn't a cop around to pull that idiot over? Well, it seems that the cosmos has finally aligned itself and the cops were around when Paris Hilton was driving around, erratically, and then shortly after, arrested her for a DUI. So, justice is finally served. Even though they didn't get her for releasing a terrible CD, they got her for this.

This Just In - Fag Freaks Out!

Ok, so maybe that was a little harsh headline, but it's totally true. Just look at the way this Weather"man" freaks out when he sees a roach crawling across his pants. It's just an insect? And it looks like he might be from Florida, so he should be used to all sorts of giant roaches (even flying ones). The one thing this video has got going for it is that it's pant-splittingly funny. Or maybe that's just my fat ass that split my pants. It's not a coincidence!

Action News!

I don't watch the news because it bores me to the point of slumber . . . but, maybe I should start watching FOX news. I haven't seen a fight this brutal in quite sometime . . . and it's not even scripted (like wrestling). All that's missing here is some gladiator weapons and a couple of trap-doors holding exotic feline man-eaters. And someone in a toga that would give the thumbs up/down to the winner.

Upskirt City - Firecrotch

Well, it was bound to happen eventually. Nipple slips - check. Multiple bikini sightings - check. Super-rich boyfriend man-handling you in public - check. Acting out a blowjob on film - check. Exposing your coochie for the world to see was the only natural course of action here. If this wasn't pre-meditated, then it's nature's way of balancing itself out. So, what classy spin will the Lohan's people take here? Heat exhaustion led her to forget to put some underpants on? Possible. Maybe dehydration affected her brain so much that she thought a dress made out of lampshade material would effectively cover all of her naughty bits. I wonder if she'll get an angry letter from Morgan Creek productions now telling her that her behavior is so unacceptable, the only job they have for her now is servicing the movie crew behind the soundstage. Someone give her a hand-towel. She's got a lot of work to do.

TuGMO - Roadside Assistance

This week, the Tuesday Girl Make-Out video takes itself out of the clubs and goes roadside, with a pair of "meh"-looking girls who get into it across the street from a car dealership. I know, the locale is teeming with glamour. These two girls make-out for a good 45 seconds, and the video cuts out afterwards . . . leaving you to wonder just where the night took them. I'm going to ponder that in the bathroom. It's usually frowned upon when I whip out my "pondering-stick" in public. Especially at work. Rules & Regulations . . . pfft! Go figure.

Labor of Box Office Reporting

This long weekend sees the Marky Mark underdog football bio-pic come out on top once again, with a small 15+ million. "Crank" came in at #2, proving that no amount of adrenaline boosting substances can topple Disney. "The Wicker Man" debuted with a #3 showing. Maybe Nick Cage's next inciendary-related movie will do better . . . partly because his head will be on fire. That's always good movie-watching in my opinion.

"Little Miss Sunshine" keeps opening wider and wider, making more money, but instead of climbing up the charts like the last couple of weeks, it's starting to slouch a little. It still did better than "The Illusionist", but granted, it had more screens showing it than the magic-themed movie. One suggestion to boost the proceeds of "The Illusionist" . . . make all of Jessica Biel's clothes disappear. It would be the best magic act ever. "Talladega Nights" is still performing solidly, crossing the $130 million this past weekend. Will it make it to $200? Will it help Will Ferrell achieve "Diety" status? Time will tell.

The dregs of the box office round-up start up with the only CG-animated movie currently out, "Barnyard: The Original Party Animals", which includes trans-gender bovine characters. I know, great all around family fun. "Accepted", starring that Mac-guy, will probably do better on DVD, since you probably need to be baked off of your skull to truly enjoy it. "World Trade Center" is the 2nd movie staring Nick Cage on the B.O.R. and this one might include his head on fire . . . but I think it's mostly stuck under rubble . . . which is fine with me as well. "Step Up" is about to sit this next week out, coming in at #10, and making more money than it ever deserved. Seriously America . . . $58+ million?!

Speaking of money, here is the list, with the totals (opening weekend movies don't get this) in bold yellow. Why? No idea whatsoever.

1. Invincible - $15,206,000 $37,847,000
2. Crank - $13,000,000
3. The Wicker Man - $11,720,000
4. Little Miss Sunshine - $9,725,000 $35,833,000
5. The Illusionist - $8,021,000 $12,081,000
6. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby - $7,700,000 $138,373,000
7. Barnyard: The Original Party Animals - $6,404,000 $63,593,000
8. Accepted - $5,912,000 $29,422,000
9. World Trade Center - $5,816,000 $63,702,000
10.Step Up - $5,487,000 $58,368,000

Girl Fight Fridays - Wilderness Whollop

I think this is the first chick fight I've posted that was out in the woods. The new setting is a nice change of pace . . . and while these two bitches throw punches like a girl . . . it's still a spirited fight that unfortunately gets broken up. One of the two chicks almost started riding the other one like a friggin horse. One word of advice for all chick fighters out there. Tank-tops will not always hold your breasts in. Think about that before you go out an throw down with a rival. Or not. I don't mind seeing a fighting nipple-slip from time to time.

Ray of Sunshine

I love it when customers take this course of action when contacting us via e-mail. It's almost like flipping someone the bird from a vehicle that is moving in the opposite direction. Totally spineless. I'm sure this cock-sucker wouldn't even look us in the eye if he had any beef with us in person. But, on the "internets", anyone can muster enough courage to drop a couple of "shits" here and there. That's fine though, I welcome all e-mails like this, because I get to re-post them and poke fun at these assholes.

Let's make this easy. Refund my money now, and hope I don't sue the shit out of you for ruining my computer. How the hell can it be so difficult to go from one version of your program to the newer version is beyond me. For the last 2 days my computer has been exposed to every asshole out there. When IS 2007 gets installed, I can't connect to my pop3 server to get or send e-mails. I'm not going to install this piece of shit program again to get which version I have, (you don't even know what you sold me?????), and I'm sure my registry is full of crap now. I expect my money returned immediately.

What most likely happend with Mr. Anger Mis-management here is incompatible software. People are just so scared their 300 dollar PC's are going to become infected that everytime something bad happens, they flip out and start accusing everyone but their dumbass selves. So, thank you mother-douche-bag. You just added another brick to my blog empire.