I Fought The Law . . .

. . . and for once, I won. Who would have known. Miracles do happen. And just what the hell am I talking about? No, I didn't have a Terminator-like shootout in a police station (yet), just a little trouble with a parking ticket.

This morning I pulled into the paid parking lot to find a place to nap before work. For the heck of it, I thought I'd check out all the rows to see if I could find a dead meter. Sure enough, there was one, and I parked, listened to the radio, and at a quarter to nine I headed out to the office. Around 11 a pal and I went down to the parking lot to smoke (not me, 'cause he only smokes Marlboro Red 100's, and apparently, I don't have enough hairs on my chest to handle those) and I noticed a yellow envelope sitting on my window.

I walk over and what do I see? A parking citation?? What?? On a meter that reads "Dead Out of Order"!! I am a bit flabergasted by this at the time, but I keep my cool, and eventually flag down one of the meter maids riding around in their modified Jeeps (that's what the City of Glendale uses . . .by modified I mean steering on the wrong side).

She drives over to my car and checks out the meter, checks out the ticket, tells me "Ok, I'll take care of this." I think it helped that I am dashingly good looking but the facts were there. I was ticketed wrongly, and she took care of it. I even asked her "Is it ok to leave my car here?" and she replied with a "Yes, you can leave it there".

So, for once, score for me. Screw you Glendale. You lose this round.

Seriously, Quit Trying

Seriously, Scarlett Johansson, quit trying to make me jealous. I know you want me, and my refusal to go a couple of rounds in the sack with you must have been earth-shattering. But getting spicy roles in Woody Allen movies to get back at me is just ridiculous. I don't care what pretty boy you're macking it with, it's not going to change the fact that I love my wife and I'm not going to cheat on her. Sheesh! It's hard being monogamous sometimes.
And does it seem a little odd that Scarlett is starring in a film that involves her being the "other woman". You're a good actress and all with some terrific . . ahem . . talent(s) . . . but isn't this hitting a little close to home? Is this how you're dealing with it Scarlett. Oh well. Go on and kiss your pretty boy actors in the rain while wearing a wet shirt. It's fine, I wish you the best. But seriously, quit dreaming about something that won't happen.

Time to take my psych meds now. Toodles.

The Mark Rogers Request

While not quite the nipple slip, it is a celebrity (currently marginal, but celebrity nonetheless) displaying nippleage through the sheerest of fabrics. I don't know what Jennifer Love Hewitt was thinking when she slipped into this get-up, but bless her heart. Or bossoms. I just hope she was attending the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards or whatever that thing's called. She would transcend celebrity status and would attain saint-hood here at BFAW for such great service to the kids. Because everyone knows that Jennifer Love Hewitt nipple-age is the stuff that pubescent wet dreams are made of.

Supplemental Income

I love making money, and I especially like it when making said money involves as little effort on my part as possible. Sure, I hold a steady job where I have to deal with jackasses and morons on a daily basis and it's entirely mind-draining . . . but a paycheck's a paycheck. Now, this post is not about that. This is about the cash I make on the side, and as much as I would like my little side gig to be the black market sale of human organs (kaching!), it's something that requires much less surgical implements and more of an opinionated demeanor.

I am a part-time market research-ist. This is not the a formal term, this is just something I coined for myself on the way back from tonight's little market research session. The reason I like these gigs is simple. Minimal effort for maximum pay. I've given my opinions on a miriad of subjects from beer taste-testing to videogame testing. I'm not a fan of beer per say, but it did pay upwards of 200 bucks for 8 one-hour sessions.

Recently, though, I had hit a dry spell on the market research front. It had been months since I had participated, but now, all of the sudden, the recruiters are calling. Last week I had a granola bar testing session that lasted less than an hour and paid out 30 bucks. Today's market research session was an actual market research-ist's dream . . . an overbooking. In the market research world, they recruit more people than they need. But, instead of sending you home empty-handed, they pay you anyway. The would-be 2 hour session on cigarettes turned into a 15 minute sit-around waiting to get paid. How much? 75 bucks. God I love this business.

Tomorrow I have 2 lined up. I have to go to a Taco Bell at 6:30 in the morning to taste some tacos for an undertimate amount of money. Can't be less than 30 bucks, which is fantastic since they're paying you to eat. Then, after I go to work, I have to head out to North Hollywood for a couple of hours worth of watching something that's Comedy Central-related. That's another 70 bucks. I just hope they keep calling me.

And I know, the recruiters always ask if the person they're screening hasn't done any market research sessions in the past few months. You're supposed to answer this question with a no and tell them, if they want more info, that it hasn't been less than a year since you last did something like this. Is it ethical to do this? Who cares? Fuck them for not keeping more accurate records. I need to make up all the holiday money I've spent somehow. A brotha has to hustle for the dolla' sometimes.

Where do I find these? Craig's List. It's a great resource on finding all things market research and other gig-related things. I suggest you check it out. If you want to make some money the easy way. Oh, but it's perfectly ok if you want to keep making all your money the chump way . . . by putting effort into it. Pfft! Loser.

The Sal Request

The Sal requested a picture of a retarded midget . . . and not only does he get that, but he also gets a picture of a retarded midget fishing. Holy shit, imagine that combo. Too bad the 'tard's not fishing in a sandbox, 'cause that would be perfect.

For those who put in a request prior to The Sal . . . you have to remember the age old adage "Bro's before Ho's". That and "Patience Daniel-San". That's Pat Morita telling you to sit tight and don't whine about it . . . from the grave!

AFI 2005 Favorites

Looks like the AFI (the institute not the band . . . godamn punks) just released a list of their top picks for filmed entertainment in 2005. It's a pretty interesting list, and the television portion contains no sitcoms. Yay for that . . . the quality of sitcoms has steadily declined into an abyss of crap and putrid vomit that I dare not even throw my most feared enemy (Tickle Me Elmo) into in hopes that they die a stinky death.

Here are their picks for movies -

AFI MOVIES OF THE YEAR -- OFFICIAL SELECTIONS

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN - Everyone loves gay cowboys.
CAPOTE - Everyone loves gay writers.
CRASH - Saw it, a little forced racism-centric plot, but ok.
THE 40 YEAR-OLD VIRGIN - Have to see it.
GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK. - Wanted to see it, but I fell asleep during the preview.
A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE - Damn great movie, saw it. The Viggo "pwns" you.
KING KONG - Must see this coming week.
MUNICH - Fairly interested in this. Spielberg is a great director, and I can't wait to see Bana "Hulk-out" on some Arabs. Oh wait, it's not that kind of movie.
THE SQUID AND THE WHALE - Not the documentary I was hoping for, this could have been the "March of the Penguins" of 2005. Umm . . . scratch that. Instead, it's just a fancy-schmancy artsy-fartsy indie film.
SYRIANA - Everyone one loves oil.

Below are their picks for best television shows of 2005

AFI TV PROGRAMS OF THE YEAR -- OFFICIAL SELECTIONS
24 - Seen some of it, but hopped on the 24-train too late, so I'm just lost most of the time.
BATTLESTAR GALACTICA - Best new Sci-Fi show, don't even know why it's on the Sci-fi channel. They usually play crap there, like "Mansquito" . . . yikes!
DEADWOOD - Everyone loves the word "Cocksucker".
GREY'S ANATOMY - The doctors play doctor with each other.
HOUSE - The doctors play asshole with each other . . . not with each other's assholes.
LOST - I'm so hooked by this show I might start turning tricks for it if it asked me nicely.
RESCUE ME - Hilarious, poigniant, moving, raw . . . and it stars Dennis Leary? Lucifer must be ice-skating right now.
SLEEPER CELL - Everyone loves terrorists . . . oh wait.
SOMETIMES IN APRIL - What I do sometimes in April . . . not watch HBO.
VERONICA MARS - Despite the blisteringly hot chick in this show and the rave reviews it gets . . . I don't watch it. Mostly because it's opposite Lost, and I don't TiVo . . . yet.

There you have it. Feel good if most of the shows featured are in your television rotation. Feel like a watcher of the Blue Collar Comedy show if they're not.

BAFW Catering Service

You might have noticed the frequency of posting declining a bit around here. I know, it's partly because I'm a lazy fuck sometimes, and partly because I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to buy Christmas presents for my large family. OK . . . maybe not for all of them, mostly for my wife (14 presents under the tree for her).

So . . . I have a request for the three people that regularly check up on this blog. What do you want to see in here? Naked hot chicks? Naked humped one-legged eye-patch wearing hippie midgets? Tell me what you want me to write about. I'm taking requests. Just drop a little note here in the comments section and you might see a you-inspired post from me.

Won't that make you feel special? I know it will. Like "Special-Ed" ride the short bus to school "special".

Nightmares Combined

My wife and I have a couple of fears that really don't find themselves populating the same entity at the same time. She's got this thing against midgets. I don't know where it comes from, but she gets the urge to kick them whenever one strays into her line of sight. Thankfully (and legally) I have been able to restrain her long enough for the little person to exit the proximity range of her furious thrashing.

I, on the other hand, have this fear of retards. Sure, they're funny and all . . . but they have the strength of ten men and don't know when they are displaying this super-human strenght. If you're a puppy or a woman with long dark brown hair and you see a guy named Lenny coming at you . . . run!

So imagine my abject horror as I was buying lunch today when I see, strolling into the eating establishment . . . a retarded midget. Holy crap on a stick! Thankfully, I was on my way out and was able to escape the half-strength'd menace. But I called the wife and she said "Holy shit, no way". Yes, I know we're terrible, but you have to understand . . . the fear just grips us, and there's nothing one can do about it. It's like a disease, like alcoholism *snaps beer bottle cap off* you can't fight it. Now, I need to get back to work.

Streisand Drops Times

Barbra Streisand just cancelled her subscription to the Los Angeles Times. This makes news on Yahoo apparently. And just why is this important? Why am i writing about it? Because it's ridiculous. I don't care if she fucking ended her subscription to Martha Stewart Living because she doesn't like the towels that Stewart might be hocking that issue. Seriously, is the news so hard up for content that they will report on some cantankerous, way past her prime former diva that doesn't want to get a newspaper anymore? Oh no, how's she going to keep current on all the adventures of Marmaduke??!

I don't think her dropping the paper will affect its circulation much, unless she purchased a million copies a day. Then they might feel the pinch. She did have some lofty political goal behind her cancellation though. Seems the L.A. Times fired Robert Scheer, a liberal columnist that she was quite fond of.

I am borderline familiar with the guy. I hear him sometimes on NPR and he's very opinionated and speaks well and I agree with a lot of what he has to say. But if he for some reason was no longer asked to appear on NPR, I would not boycott their radio programs. Streisand is just making a big fuss over nothing really. Someone should tell her to get laid to relieve some tension. Maybe she could attend one of those Republican wife swap parties. Just a thought.

Where's The Love?

I'm noticing a disturbing trend in entertainment related couples. They're all breaking up. It all started with Brad Pitt leaving Jennifer Aniston for the much hotter Angelina Jolie. I can lay blame on that one on the rapidly man-face becoming Aniston, but this is not an isolated incident.

Engagements have been broken as well, like Kimberly Stewart and the kid from Laguna Beach ending their week-long engagement. Why?! They seemed perfect for each other. Two leeches getting together to try to milk their almost-famous status.

Then Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey file for divorce. What? Did MTV not only cancel their television show, but their marriage as well? Who's Nick going to be flustered by on a daily basis now? Who is Jessica going ask important questions to like "Why's the sky blue" or "How do my nostrils work?".

Then you have this relatively thin straw that's going to break my metaphorical camel's back . . . Nicole Ritchie is ending her engagement with some jewish DJ guy. I wonder if it was more him not liking to screw around with a beaner that looked like a lighter version of one of those kids in those infomercials about starving kids and how sending them a quarter a week will help clothe and feed them.

Looming on the horizon is the eventual split of Britney Spears and K-Fed. You just know that their relationship will implode and a sea of twinkies and chewing tobacco will cover the affected vicinity of their mansion(s). She already took his Ferrari away from him.

So, where's the love people? Please, I can't go on if another Hollywood couple split. It will be too much for me.

Techno Top Ten Light

When I do this, I usually have a "humorous" write up for each one of these, but I'm lazy today. So you just get the top ten right this minute on technorati. This is what people are looking for. Some stuff on a weird squid, the ever increasing in size Gmail, Lennon's son, the air marshall that shot the bi-polar would-be bomberdier, and answers to Yahoo questions. Just what these questions are is up to you to find out. So go on, find the questions for me. I'll reward you with a plug for your blog.

1. Squidoo
2. “David Brook”
3. Gmail
4. “John Lennon”
5. “Harold Pinter”
6. “Bob Herbert”
7. “Mena Trott”
8. “Air Marshal”
9. “Yahoo Answers”
10. “Ben Metcalfe”

It's That Time Again

No, I'm not having my period . . . I'm a man, I don't get those. But I do have to deal with them once a month. And Oy Vay! to that. It's time to go over search terms that get people here for some odd reason.

Pirate .jpg - From Blog Search. Everyone loves pirates. I don't blame them as to why they would want to see pictures of them. I just hope they weren't looking for naked pirate pictures. I don't have any of those in here . . . yet.

Ciera Bush - From Google. Actually, George W. Bush's third niece on his mother's side of the family. Or the tuft of hair that is currently growing out of control in the midlands area of a certain hip hop songstress.

"bald chick" -hippie - More Google goodness . . . I just haven't seen many bald chicks that are hippies at the same time. More like Neo-Nazis. Someone's getting mixed signals here.

nipple - From Opinmind Beta Search. Yeah, never heard of that search engine myself, but apparently, it's populated by perverts. Nevermind that nipples are displayed here from time to time . . . it's just wrong if you go looking for it. You make me sick.

daniel radcliffe's grandpa - Courtesy of AOL Search. What kind of sickos populate the AOL search pages. Seriously, who would want to see Harry Potter's wrinkled old grandpa telling him a naughty bedtime story. Yeah, I bet that's what they were looking for. Sick bastards.

"war at home" nipple - From Google. I still don't know what that chick's name is, but her nipple is somewhere in here. It's ok to look for it. Everyone should see it. Because it's guaranteed you will never get a chance to check it out on that terrible show on FOX.

bin laden's niece - From Myway Search. The Afghan Angelina Jolie wannabe. I'd actually make out with an Afghan dog rather than her. Those pups are pretty. And no, just make out. No bestiality ok.

can thc seep into semen - From Google. Concerned potheads want to know . . . will pot make their little swimmers lazy. And the answer is . . . No, it'll just give them the munchies. And when they are released, they'll get cramps, and die, and you will never concieve.

"gag factor" hermione - From French Google. I wonder why the French want to gag Hermione. And I wonder just what they want to gag her with. I definately know what the Dutch would gag her with. Donkey dicks. But the French . . . hmm . . .

FOX tv - "ice skating with the stars" - From MSN. The Devil uses MSN to look for stuff to watch. Yay! Now I know. And he likes FOX, which totally makes sense.

my zombie AK-74 - From Google. My prefered way of dealing with Zombies is actually a double barrel shotgun loaded with those doorbuster slugs instead of the .12 gauge buckshot, but . . . and AK-74 will work just fine as well.

joaquin phoenix / frog in hair/ the showbiz show - From Google. Seriously one of the strangest interview snippets I've ever read. Find it here. You'll laugh 'til you feel frogs nibbling on your brain.

Beastly Picture

Proof positive that Brett Ratner is going to shit all over the third installment of the X-Men movie franchise. Apart from having mutant hookers and more mutants than you can shake a sentinel at, this is what they're making Beast look like. He kinda looks like an old pirate dipped in blue paint. Not impressed at all. You can check out the teaser trailer for X3 over at Apple to see this crap in motion. I haven't yet. I'm waiting 'til I go to the theater so I can violently convulse in public. That's just the kind of guy that I am I guess. A showman.

I am writing out my Christmas wish letter to Santa Claus after this post. I'm going to ask him to make this upcoming movie not suck as much as it looks like it will. If it's marginally better than Fantastic Four, then I will breathe a sigh of relief. If it's Dolph Lundgren Punisher bad . . . then I'm burning my comic book collection. Brett Ratner . . . don't kill my last wife-accepted hobby with a crappy movie.

The Almighty Pen

You know, sometimes cliche'd sayings like "the pen is mightier than the sword" really ring true for some people. Specially if the pen is loaded with a bullet and you accidentally blow your brains out with it. You see, a "budding" rapper just did this to himself.

ST. PARIS, Ohio - Steven Zorn had put the pen gun to his head and clicked before, apparently thinking it was jammed and would not work. But on the third try, the tiny silver pistol went off as the 22-year-old budding rap artist was drinking to celebrate an impending record deal. He died at a hospital.

If this guy was as talented as the 5 paragraph blip on Yahoo News wants me to believe, he's going to do great post-humous work a la Tupac.

I'm thinking of another cliche'd phrase for this dingbat with the pen-gun . . . Third time's the charm. What a mort(e). I hope someone gets the double entendre in the last sentence.

Singing Sandwhiches Surface

You know, just when I thought there was no reason to live anymore, when things have gotten so bad that I just can't go on without thinking about the sweet release of a well tied noose, those goddamn Brits come up with something that just saves me from the misery that is 9:00 - 5:30. Just what did they come up with you ask? Well, if you're not into reading blog entry titles . . . I'll let you know. But seriously, read the titles moron. It saves me from typing too much. Singing Sandwhiches.

Why did I not think of this idea first. Why did I let those Limey fuckers get the upper hand in the lucrative and untapped business that is musical food items. Truly an oversight on my part. I guess videogames and cartoons are killing my creative drive. Here are some excerpts from the yahoo news article:

Opening the top of the sandwich box will activate a tiny sound module that plays a selection of music. This season's offering will be a medley of Christmas tunes including Jingle Bells, Santa Claus is Coming to Town and We Wish You a Merry Christmas.

You know, hearing Jingle Bells while eating my lunch at work would really help me keep my Tec-9 securily tucked in my knapsack . . . or as my wife calls it . . . my man-purse.

Right now all they have is holiday themed tunes, which is great since it's the holidays and all, but it won't fly if you hear "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" in the middle of July. But have no fear, Brit company Tesco has a plan for that already.

But further out, flavour/song combinations under consideration include Prawn To Be Wild, Let It Brie and that old Julio Iglesias favourite, Fillings, Tesco said.

Now, if they could get a tuna sandwhich that could play that "pop that coochie" song for me . . . I'd be in tuna heaven.

Technical Difficulties

There's just no accounting for common sense when you're a computer user I guess. Dealing with the hundreds of customers that call in that have difficulties with their anti-virus software is starting to grind on my grip on sanity. Seriously, how hard is it not to fuck up your computers?

For example, if you have a copy of an anti-virus program, why would you load another one on there and not expect there to be some problems? People think they can just load up their computers with crap. Multiple anti-spyware programs, multiple toolbars that block spam, programs that block adware, etc etc etc . . . and then they load an all-inclusive antivirus suite . . . what the hell do you expect is going to happen.

For those not in the know, it's going to make your life a living hell. That's what's going to happen. All these other extraneous programs will start attacking your AV program and removing code from it. So that pretty AV program that's supposed to be the best of the best just got crippled. Now, this wouldn't be so bad if the crippling process didn't take out your whole computer as by-product.

See, this paranoia that perpetuates the internet using populace is out of control. Everyone is thinking that they're going to get a nasty virus even if they turn on the computer. This feeling of constant attack is just created by companies like AOL and their security commercials and the other companies that provide internet service. It's in their best interest to foster this culture of fear of the haXXors. And I know that I wouldn't have a job if these bastard virus writers, but I also wouldn't have this rapidly forming ulcer.

See, the problem is inherently in you, the user. You . . who thought I'd be neat to buy a 300 dollar piece of crap computer 'cause it's cheap and you want to make Bill Gates richer. You who's total knowledge about computing is how to push the start button and wait for AIM to load up so you can ASL to your heart's content. The Sal and I were talking about this at short length last night when he was over. I jokingly suggested that there should be a test. If you pass this test, then you can use a computer. If you don't, then you would have no business using this complicated piece of machinery. The more I think about it, the better that idea sounds. It would be like a Driver's License, but for computers.

I think everyone in the computer tech support industry would breath a sigh of relief if this were to ever go through. It won't, of course, but a phone monkey can dream . . . right?

The Bizzarity of Womanhood

I don't understand women. I'm married to one, I know that much, but goddammit . . . I just don't know what goes through her head at times. Fucked if I will ever know at that. Just to illustrate this, I will recount a recent event in the craziness that is woman. Yesterday, after helping out my parents move into their new home, I thought I'd do something nice for the wife and I picked up a Cappuccino Blast for her (because she loves them) and surprise her with it.

It goes over great, and she's telling me how sweet I am and how much she loves me and etc etc etc and then she says "You remembered when I said yesterday that I wanted one of these and you got it for me". I have no clue as to what the hell she's talking about, and maybe I should have just gone along with it. But fuck, I am too honest and I guess stupid to realize that there's going to be a foot stuck in my mouth soon. I say "Um, honey, I don't remember you saying that, but maybe, subconciously, it was rolling around in my brain. I got it for you because I know you like them".

Her face went from joy to complete sadness. Then she says "You ruined it". What?? I don't know what I just ruined but I try to rationalize with her trying to get me out of the doghouse that I just got thrown in. Eventually, I say "Um, actually, I do remember you saying that you wanted one of these yesterday". She then smiles, and says "Don't ever ruin anything ever again".

Women are fucking nuts I tell you. I won't even get into the chapstick incident that followed, I'll leave that for another day . . . if I'm still alive after my wife reads this. I love my wife, don't get me wrong. I just don't understand her sometimes.

Lost Recapper 11/30/05

I should have written this yesterday, but I got lazy . . . or I forgot . . . or maybe you ingrateful bastards should just be glad I wrote it after all. So quit'cher bitchin' and read up on your favorite brand of televised crack.

If you missed this last episode, then you missed out on the last new episode of the year. No new Lost 'til Jan '06. Start thinking about suicide if this affects you much. But, for the rest of us that love the show but don't depend on it for life, what you missed was a pretty good Kate-centric episode. It was titled "What Kate Did" and you get to see why she went on the run from the law initially. What she did was kill her dad because he was an abusive and lecherous sonofabitch and her mom turned her in. What a family. She also started seeing a black horse on the island, that Sawyer at the end of the episode saw as well . . . alleviating her "am I insane" thoughts. And she made out with Jack, which seemed like an impulsive and not entirely thought out action on her part.

You also missed Shannon's funeral, in which Sayed said some words and then pussied out. It's all very emotional, and I think my wife teared up a little. Also, if you remember the episode titled "Orientation", Mr. Ecko gives Locke a reel of tape he found on the other bunker, Locke splices it back into the one they had, and they learn that they can't use the computer for anything other than punching in the "Lost numbers". We see this just as Michael is fiddling with it and he sees some words on the screen and he starts a conversation. When he identifies himself, the words "DAD?" show up on the screen and the episode ends. Wow, what a cliffhanger those bastards throw at us.

In other Lost-related news, Michelle Rodriguez got pulled over and charged with a DUI, which gets her license revoked. So did the actress that plays Libby. They were not in the same car. What are these people doing in Hawaii? Having wild keggers all the time? Oh, and people are affectionately referring to the Ana Lucia character as "AnaL". Cute huh. I don't know if this is a term of endearment or a jab at her terribly surly acting skills. Oh well. If you missed any of the first episodes like myself, it's a good time to get caught up. ABC will most likely be replaying these in order since we have to wait til mid-January for new episodes.

Ultimate Vacation Spot

Looks like an European probe (not sure if it was a Dutch probe, but if it was, it might have ended up in the ass end of this moon) just broke through the atmosphere of one of Saturn's moons, Titan. It seems that this little place has an interesting weather pattern. I think it's going to be come a vacation hotspot in the near future, provided we get that whole space travel thing down. I'll let the article do the talking from now on.

"It's a very strange fantasy world made of ice, with things like gasoline and tar that make up the rivers and the lake beds," said scientist Jonathan Lunine of the University of Arizona, when asked how he would explain the finding to a child.

"If you try to walk around on it, your feet might get stuck in some places, you'd slide down into methane rivers in other places, and you'd better watch out for the ammonia volcanoes," he said. "And absolutely bring a big heavy coat, because it's really cold — and bring a tank of oxygen because there's no oxygen to breathe, but don't light a match."

Hmm . . . kinda like my bathroom at home. Moving on

."It's a world, an atmosphere, a surface that is very dynamic, and perhaps as it seems there is volcanic activity, the interior of Titan is also no doubt very dynamic," said Jean-Pierre Lebreton, Huygens mission scientist.

Dynamic huh. Sounds like fun. But get this . . .

"Maybe in 4 billion years' time, at the end of the sun's life, maybe Titan will be the new Earth," he said.

Holy crap, in 4 billion years, we're all going to have to move to Titan. Better start packing now.

Dead Man's Chest Trailer

Usually, a dead man's chest doesn't excite me much, but this ain't no ordinary dead man's chest. This has the Pirates of the Carribean name attached to it, so I put aside any necrophiliac tendencies and get all giddy about it. Yahoo movies has the first official release of the trailer . . . and they even offer it in Quicktime. The option for the shitty version on Windows Media Player is available as well . . . if you're a caveman and still use that format. If that's the case, then I wish an errant dinosaur snatches you up and makes you its dinner.

But enough about my qualms with WMV. I'm sure you want to see the actual trailer. Click here. It looks like a fun movie . . . despite the Johnny Depp prescense. It does feature Keira Knightley in corsets which accentuates her tiny live woman chest assets. So that's a positive. Check it out.