Las Vegas Confidential

1:26 AM, 10/21/06

So . . . no post about the latest movies opening today (or actually, yesterday, since today is tomorrow. Wrap your head around that doozy) because I'm in Las Vegas right now. And yes, like most other schmucks out there, I'm already down 100 bucks. But I've got a mighty buzz going.

Nickel slots didn't pan out for me, but my wife only lost 20 some bucks, and we got some 3 dollar beers at a little bar at the Rio. Right now, we're about ready to do what people in Sin City do. I'll keep this post updated throughout the weekend. Lates bitches.

12:05 PM, 10/21/06

Just got out of the Rio buffet. The Platinum one, not the one that the regular riff raff go to. 'Cause that's how I roll, you naw'm'sayin'. And, for the most part, it was pretty much run of the mill buffet food. Sure, there was a lot of it, but I feel I could have eaten the same amount and had the same quality at . . . I don't know, a Denny's? And for half the price?

I did get a snazzy shirt celebrating the event that we are attending. It's got a picture of my cousin and his soon to be wife, with the slogan right over it that reads "From Nitros to Nuptials". It's a little on the gh3y side, but at least mine was white. They had to wear baby blue versions of what the rest of the people attending this thing got.

Most of them are going to get some special treatment at the spa here at the casino. Not sure if "happy endings" are a part of it, but Heather and I are headed out to the Monte Carlo to check out some shark tank. And then to the MGM Grand to check out lions. Heather loves those animals, so it's more for her. But I do delight in seeing her have fun.

So, off we go. We have a couple of hours to kill before we meet up with the rest of the group. After that, it's more gambling, and then we're going to a club called "The Voodoo Lounge" on top of the casino. It's on the 54th floor . . . and it's going to get nipply up there.

3:21 PM, 10/21/06

We're back from our excursion to the Mandalay Bay and the MGM Grand. We first hit up the Mandalay Bay casino, because we really wanted to check out the Shark Reef attraction they had. One of the people we are hanging out with this weekend told us that it would be free, so we were pretty friggin' excited about it. We get there, and find out that it's actually $15.95/person. Being that we're not cash money millionaires (yet), we decided not to check it out but rather test our luck at gambling again.

Well, the Mandalay Bay sucks. I was up 3 bucks, but then I ended up losing 5 cents. Heather on the other hand, is down $20 bucks. So we kind of leave the place, tails between our legs, and scampered off towards the MGM Grand in search of lions. We parked at the Tropicana, were I noticed that they had $5 blackjack tables. So I thought, why not.

I was again, down about 35 bucks when my luck turned and I started getting double downs going my way and a couple of 21's. Then Heather rolled around, and instantly I get a 12. Not good. She's my blackjack kryptonite. Which is fine, because I seem to her slot-cooler (and yes, that does sound kind of dirty). She left though, sensing her bad luck coming over me, and I got a 21 right after. I decided not to temp my luck too much there, and left the table 20 dollars richer (or 80 bucks down if you count last night's losses).

We finally made it to the MGM and did get to spend some up close (with a glass wall between us) time with some lions. We even got to check out some lion cubs. They were, adorable. But, the casino wanted 200 bucks for lion cub interaction. You'd think that you'd get like 30 minutes to an hour with the cubs. You'd be wrong. That's 200 bucks for 5 minutes.

We drove back to the Rio, ate a little bit in the room (not that kind of eating . . but maybe later), and now are headed to the pool area to hang out with our friends and family.

9:24 AM, 10/23/06

I know what you must have been wondering. Jaime hit the Megabucks and is a millionaire. That's why he didn't continue the blog post. Well . . . not so much. Vegas cleaned me out. I'm going to be eating Maruchan cup of noodles for the rest of the week. The reason I didn't continue posting was just 'cause my brother had paid for 1 day's worth of internet access ($12.95!!) and he didn't want to spend another 13 bucks on that for Sunday.

No biggie really. We went to the Voodoo Lounge Saturday night for what was supposed to be a great dinner and clubbing experience. The dinner itself was 3 hours. The service was terrible. The appetizers were blah, the salads were competent, the rib eye steak was great, but by the time the desserts (delicious btw) came around, we were all too full to even look at them.

So, after that, we went up to the 51st floor for the the whole dancing portion of the night. I don't dance, but I did shake my thang up there for 20 minutes or so. Then, we needed to find a place to sit, because Heather was wearing some killer high heeled shoes. By killer, I mean they were extremely uncomfortable. Unfortunately, all the lounge areas were cordoned off. She darted under one of the cordons and sat down. I looked at the people who "owned" the area for the night and I asked if it was ok for her to sit down for a little bit. The guy gave me an "I don't know, but I think you better get her the hell out of our VIP area quick" look.

This was a bit dick-ish of them, but I can understand (but only marginally) why they would take that stance. But Heather does not see things the way I see when she's had a drink or two. She's all about loving the world and getting along with everyone, and she did try to get along with these a-holes. She tried to be amicable with them, and they even said "Oh, sure, just don't try to drink our booze" but, 5 minutes later, we had a burly security guy escort us out of their super special cordoned off area.

I would have been ok with this, but Heather is part Irish, so once her mellow is killed by this, she's up for a fist fight. She's screaming at them to fuck off, and almost starting shit with the security guard, so I have to re-direct her towards the indoors area, and we finally find a place for her to sit. By now, we're not feeling great about this club, and we're tired, so we head back to our room for the night. She's still pretty pissed about the whole deal, and I'm trying to calm her down.

We wake up Sunday morning, exhausted, and start packing so we can get the hell out of Vegas. The town has not treated us very nicely, and even though we didn't have to pay for the room at the Rio, we are down $300+ bucks. We limp down the highway to Primm, were we test our luck at some quarter machines. Twenty bucks later, we're on the road again.

Mostly uneventful driving. Saw some roadkill. Traveled at speeds ranging from 5 mph to 100 mph. The 5 mph portion of our trip happened around Victorville, where a yellow Nissan 350z somehow managed to get demolished. I really hope that they had a good car insurance carrier. We got home, finally, 4 1/2 hours after leaving Vegas, and crashed on our couch, catching up on missed television.

Girl Fight Friday - Phillipine-Punch-Out

I don't know what these chicks are fighting about. First of all, they barely speak English. 2nd of all . . . do I even care? I just want to see a fight. The dirtier the better. One of those Asian chicks should have started donkey-punching another one . . . or maybe given one a dirty Sanchez. Oh wait, I'm thinking about another kind of dirty. Ignore that little bit of perversion, and enjoy this little knock-down dust up.

Tyra Banks = WTF

You will watch this video. It's inevitable. And after you watch this video, you will sit in front of your computer, trying to make sense out of life. Because it is that life-changing. It's like a paradoxical-dichotomy wrapped in a paradigm shift that is sprinkled with a dash of self-realization.

Yes, I know, that's some deep shit. And what is this all about? Vase-fuckin-line. Tyra . . . You've blown my mind once again with your "fierceness".

The Amazing Disappearing Bosworth

This is how I will always remember Kate Bosworth. Taut body, pretty smile, sparkling eyes. *sigh* If you've seen pictures of her recently, you know that she's currently in a competition to lose as much weight as possible. Who is she competing with? Possibly Nicole Ritchie. Who knows. She just looks terrible now. And if you haven't seen her recently and you are entertaining the thought that "maybe she's not looking that terrible", let me shine a little light on the situation.

This is Kate Bosworth now. She looks like she's auditioning for the sequel to "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" that is currently casting only in her damaged (and most likely starving) psyche. Someone hand this girl a piece of toast and some orange juice. Maybe this is a direct result of dating Orlando Bloom. He probably called her a fatty all the time and it just fucked her up so much that she just won't eat . . . or vomits a lot.

Oh well, no matter how skinny she gets, the first image will always hold a special place in my groin. Where did you think it would be? My heart? LOL. You sappy bitch.

Sexy to Un-Sexy . . . en Francais

I've been posting a steady stream of hot material here on BAFW for the past few days. I think it's time I change it up a bit. I don't want to get stuck in a rut. A sexy rut. So, here's a little music video I found today on YouTube that kind of baffled me a little bit. See, I was not aware that "Prison Break" was so big in France. So big in fact that the show is dubbed (who could read French subtitles anyway) and even has a hit song tied to it. A French rap song. And here it is, in all it's glory, or lack-there-of.

The "artist" goes by the gangsta-moniker of Faf Larage, and the "song" is called "Pas Le Temps". You can tell from the opening synthesizer riff that this song is going to corner you in the showers and make you drop your soap. Because it is gay like that. Prison gay. Be prepared to write up an apology to your ears.

Nipple-Topia - Mischa Barton Revisited

I have to say . . . BAWF has gotten a little bit on the sexy side this week. What with the "bra & panty" chicks making out, the Canadian moose-knuckle pictures, and now this. Now, sure, Mischa Barton looks a tad on the ridiculous side for going around wearing tartan gift-wrap as a skirt (complete with bow), but that incredibly sheer tank-top makes up for it. Word of advice for Mischa . . . if you're going to be shopping in the frozen foods section, make sure the fabric in charge of covering your (boney) chest pillows is a little less on the translucent side. Otherwise, you're just giving us internet bloggers more fodder to fuel the ridiculing machine.

That, and if you keep this up, you'll never get that Mother Teresa role in the movie that you've always wanted to make. You're already boney like her. Now, you just have to cut down on the slutty, and you'd be perfect.

HDH - Grace Park

Grace Park spends a lot of time looking dirty, tired, and beat-up while on my new favorite sci-fi show "Battlestar Galactica". But, even though she's got the grimy make-up, she still looks pretty damn good. Specially if you throw her into a Maxim spread (picture below), then you've got yourself a hottie that is hump-worthy in the eyes of BAWF. And sure, I'm way past my whole "yellow-fever" phase of attraction, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate the good looks that Grace Park has. And she's part of the cast of a great television show that everyone (not just nerds) should be watching. I don't know what else she's worked on, but it doesn't matter, does it? She's got this great entry in her acting resume, and should pretty much blank out anything before this and just say "Hey, I was that hot Cylon chick on that Battlestar show". That should get her an acting gig anywhere.
Or she could just slip them this picture. You know, whatever works.

Canadian Moose Knuckle

Not a whole lot of great stuff comes from our neighbor to the north. Sure, maple syrup and hockey are aight. I guess it was finally time that they redeemed themselves . . . by giving us their version of the Camel-Toe . . . the mighty Moose Knuckle. So, thank you Canada. You've just bought yourself some time until the United States decides to "annex" you and make you our 51st state. Don't worry, Puerto Rico won't take that spot. That's our "back-burner-bitch" colony.

TuGMO - Bras & Panties

*sigh* There's nothing better than a couple of hot blonde girls making out in their bras and panties. Sure, nothing is shown, and it's pretty much a 40 second tease of things to come, but I think it works. It engages your imagination when you try to think just how far these girls will go. Will they just kiss and snuggle and maybe play with each other's nipples . . . or will they be whipping out the double-ended latex donger and get it on "Requiem for a Dream" style. Who knows. The only thing I am sure of is that this is hot, and that these types of videos are what "TuGMO" was invented for.

Box Office has a Grudge . . . Again

Let's face it. It's October. That's pretty much why "The Grudge 2" made as much money as it did this past weekend. Nevermind that the movie sounds as retarded as . . . say, a third Bill & Ted movie . . . and the director hasn't really made anything other than Grudge movies . . . but you people just love your PG13'y scares. The better movie that was in theaters this weekend ended up taking the #poop position. Sorry lovers of cinematic drama. "Man of the Year", the "what if our President was intentionally trying to be funny" movie comes in 3rd.

The rest of the movies are kind of forgettable. "The Marine", WWE's newest release did so-so in its first weekend. "Employee of the Month", Dane Cook's latest attention-whore-off isn't doing so well in the #8 position. But that number matches Jessica Simpson's IQ score. So, umm . . . hooray for that? Looks like Jackass is almost done grossing out America this week. But, don't worry, it should be ready to gross you out on DVD in about 3 months.

The list and money are below.

1. The Grudge 2 - $22,000,000
2. The Departed - $18,675,000 $56,626,000
3. Man of the Year - $12,550,000
4. Open Season - $11,000,000 $59,154,000
5. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning - $7,750,000 $30,457,000
6. The Marine - $7,000,000
7. The Guardian - $5,853,000 $41,119,000
8. Employee of the Month - $5,600,000 $19,910,000
9. One Night with the King - $4,326,000
10.Jackass: Number Two - $3,334,000 $68,383,000

Lohan's Packin'

I really don't understand just what the hell is going on with this picture. I'm not even going to go into the outfit, which boggles the mind in a totally different way. I'm pretty much interested in the insert and why it looks like Lindsay Lohan has a pair of testicles tucked into her panties. Or maybe a banana. Or a recently adopted African baby (So hot right now. I needs me an African infant).

Or, maybe she's just gone through all of Los Angeles's men and has resorted to just using a remote controlled vibrator she neatly tucks into her knickers. Anything is possible with Lohan.

Girl Fight Friday - Better than HBO?

Well, that's a heady claim. Sure, the fight was quite entertaining, but the camera work was all shaky and the production values were . . . well . . . poor. This is YouTube after all. So, "better than HBO"? Not really. Fun violence on a Friday afternoon? Definately.

BAWF's "Ass ID"

We've (me, myself, and the monkey on my back) decided to change the name of the feature that ran last week called "Name that Ass" to "Ass ID". Why? I don't know. But let's get to analizing the ass in question. Looks like tight jeans, high-heels, green top and a floofy looking hat. Who could it be? Mischa Barton? One of the Hilton slu . . . er, I mean, sisters? One of those "stars" from "Dancing with the Stars"? I'll let you inspect the ass for a few more sentences so I can build up the suspense.

Ok, enough of that. Let's ID that ass.



It's Micheal Jackson! It's happened. His transformation from poor black child to old white woman is complete. Oh, and you're welcome for making you vomit all over your keyboard.

Opening Weekend Moving Pictures

Wide Releases

The Grudge 2 - I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that the Japanese director bringing us this sequel is just remaking the sequel of the original "Grudge" movie, and since he had already redone the first one, this makes 4 "Grudge" movies for him. Maybe he's got himself a personal grudge with originality. So, what's new in this one? Not much. Vengeful spirits do what they do best. Scare people shitless in a series of PG-13 scares.

Man of the Year - I don't get Robin Williams when he's trying to be funny. In fact, I don't get people who think Robin Williams has been funny, at all, in the last 15-20 years. Sure, he was pretty amusing when he first hit the comedy scene . . . but now? Please, someone slip him some Riddilin (sp?). This movie is billed as a bit of a comedy about a talk-show host that somehow wins a presidential election. So, it's basically a "Twilight Zone" episode without the smarts. I guess that would make it an "Outer Limits" episode.

The Marine - WWE must have made some money with their last cinematic outing, because here's another one, staring John Cena and he plays a . . . marine. The depth of this movie rivals the Marianna's Trench. Aslo starring is the hot chick from "Nip/Tuck" whose name sounds a lot like that one "American Idol" contestant. Also in this movie is the model T1000 terminator . . . who's looking a little hagard these days. Explosions, car chases and gun fights also star in this movie.

One Night With the King - What? They made a movie about me? Oh, wait, this one's about the king of Persia, Xerxes. Pfft. A movie about one night with me would be much more exciting. You could see the varied cool things that I do. Everything from snacking . . . to sitting on my couch watching TiVo'd programming . . . to playing X BOX 360. I know, you want to pay me 10 bucks already.

Limited Releases - You know, fuck that indie horseshit. There's like 10 of them coming out this weekend, and I don't have the energy to copy/paste all of their little synopsi. So, the only two you need to know about are below.

Infamous - Yeah, it's another Truman Capote movie . . . but this one is better than the last. It's one year too late and has Sandra Bullock in it . . . but that's only two strikes. On the third pitch, this movie hits it out of the park with a better story than "Capote" had and an even more flamboyant sounding Capote character.

Tideland - Terry Gilliam has made some great movies. Mostly starring midgets and his old Monty Python friends. The last one he made was a so-so kinda boring movie. That whole "Brothers Grimm" looked like someone was trying to make a Gilliam movie. I hope that this new one gets him back on form, and gets him enough money to finally finish up that Don Quixote movie he had Johnny Depp starring in.

HDH - Alessandra Ambrosio

I don't really know who Alessandra Ambrosio is . . . but since I missed yesterday's "Hump Day Hottie" post, I feel an obligation to provide you with a picture of a pretty lady for you to salivate over. Alessandra Ambrosio definately fills out that need pretty well. Especially in this picture. And this one so you can see a little bit of the back.

Grindhouse Trailer

So, how's about a little cinematic ass-kicking to brighten up your morning. I thought that would wake you up a little better than your daily cup of Folger's. So, the latest Tarantino-Rodriguez collaboration is due in a few months, and judging from the trailer . . . it's gonna kick some major deriere. I mean, when you have a stripper that has an M-16 for a leg, you can't go wrong (even if it's that slightly pig-nosed Rose McGowan). They even threw in some glimpses of one of the fake trailers they will be running before the movie. "Machete" looks great already, and I would definately want to see that as a movie of its own. Danny Trejo is terribly underappreciated acting gold. And movies are sorely missing motorcycles with mini-guns on them. That's just my personal opinion though. Watch the trailer. Your eyes will be in love with you if you do.

Search Terms - Motions

Sometimes, I feel like I'm just going through the motions on this blog. I have my daily things that I do here (which I might not actually post . . . so sorry HDH post). Like the weekly Search Term post. I do this every week, and while it is very interesting to know just what you people look for when you end up on my little bit of web real estate, it is starting to border on tedium. So, this might be the last one of these for a while. I will miss the weekly reminder that there are people out there actively wanting to masturbate to images of a 16 year old actress. Or people that are fascinated by Lindsay Lohan's shaved vagina pictures. Or even Fergie's stained underwear. You people are the princes of perversion, the kings of kink. Even though I won't be paying all that much attention to you for the coming weeks . . . know this . . . I know you're out there. And I know you're navigating the interweb with one hand on your mouse, and another hand on . . . well . . . let's just call it your joystick.

This week's batch of fresh perversion is below. Avert your children's eyes. Or let them see, whatever. They're bound to find out about this eventually.

Lily Allen Upskirt - Google Search UK
Lindsay Lohan: Hindenburg - MSN Search CA
amanda bynes nipslip - Google Search
lindsay lohan upskirt nip slip - Google Search
alice from snorgtees - Google Search
exposed at Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards - Google Search
nipple slip.com - Google Search CA
lohan beaver - BlogSearch
fully exposed boobs of scarlett johanssen - Google Search IN
maggie grace nipple - Google Search
survivor oops upskirt - Google Search
celebrity upskirt - BlogSearch
lindsay lohan 2006 kids choice video butt - Google Search
"cortana hentai" - Google Search
dealing with uncourteous people - Google Search
"emma watson smoke" - Google Search
fergie stained underwear - MSN Search
nude lindsay lohan - Google Search CA
lindsay lohan boat oop's ifilm - Google Search
Lohan Nickelodeon slip - Google Search
SHARON STONE CROSSING LEGS CLIP - Netscape Search
katharine mcphee nipple - Google Search
catherine mcphee panties - Google Search
morgan webb nip - Google Search
she's the man screencaps - Google Search
stone+legs+clip+basic+instinct - Google Search IN
fhm "morgan webb" - Google Search
sexy photo - BlogSearch
sharon stone - Google Search
lindsay lohan no panty oops - Google Search
pissing drunk - AltaVista Search
salma hayek pictures - BlogSearch
maggie grace blogurl:bloggedjaime.blogspot.com - BlogSearch
french gymnast pees herself during contest - Google Search DE
jessica alba ass - AltaVista Search
"Emmanuelle in Space" clip - Google Search
morgan webb fhm maxim - Google Search
Evangeline Lilly - BlogSearch
nipslip emma watson - Google Search IN
katharine mcphee butt - Google Search
fergie pissing herself - Yahoo Search
v for vendetta schoolgirl photos - Google Search
val kilmer - BlogSearch
X-Men 3 Hate It - Google Search
Tyler perry's madea vocabulary - Google Search
"Ana de la Reguera" slip - Google Search PT
kristen bell upskirt - Google Search
pictures of emma watson showing underwear - Google Search
emma watson legs - Google Search CZ
"kirsten dunst" .mpeg "marie antoinette" - Google Search
kristin two-a-days panty shot - Google Search
fox news upskirt - Google Search
AnneHathaway 2.mpg - Google Search UK
gmail "yellow envelope" groups - Google Search
stomach sucktion - Google Search CA
daniel radcliffe's nipple - Google Search
muff blogs - AltaVista Search
Maggie Gyllenhaal masturbating - BlogSearch
girl kissing - BlogSearch
jennifer morrison nipple slips - MSN Search
deviant .com talk show nipple slip - Netscape Search
pants.wmv - Google Search
emma watson exposed pictures - Google Search IN
beaver slip - BlogSearch
"gwyneth paltrow" and "nipple slip" - Google Search
"lily allen" boobs - BlogSearch
mexican chick - AltaVista Search
"butter scene" torrent - Google Search
olympics 2006 nipple slip - Google Search
nipple slip of blackwoman - BellSouth Web Search
american idol nip slip - Google Search
after the french gymnast pee? - Google Search
hermione +gagfactor - Google Search DE
olympic nip slips - Google Search AU
"Hathaway masturbate" - Google Search DE
"the hills have eyes" "sexy pictures" - Google Search UK
"exposed butt" +underwear +men - Google Search DK
eva mendes camel toe - Google Search CA
"emma watson" open leg panty - Google Search AR
emma watson drunk - BlogSearch
"anna farris" bikini pics - Google Search DK
Emma Watson's bra size - Netscape Search
my wife's nip slip photos - Google Search UK

TuGMO - IHOP Hook-Up

There's two things I love. Chicks making out with each other, and the International House of Pancakes. This video, thankfully, has both . . . or at least is set at an IHOP. Sadly, no pancakes were filmed. I think I would have blown a maple syrup'y load if these two chicks had been rolling around on some pancakes with fresh compote on their nipples. Wow . . . I think my stomach has a hard on now. Enjoy the video.

Fender-Bent

My wife and I were returning home after getting lunch at the Olive Garden yesterday (gotta love the soup/salad/breadsticks deal). We were in Glendale at the time, hoping to get out of that shit-hole of a town as soon as possible. While sitting there, car idling, waiting for traffic to move, out of nowhere a van slams into the back of our car and gives us a heavy jolt.

The guy driving the van gets out and asks if we are ok, and I tell him that we should move the cars into the Gold's Gym parking lot directly to the left of us to get out of the way of the traffic. We do so, and then I notice that we've been hit by a City of Glendale Parks & Recreation van. He immediately calls his supervisor and then the police so they can get an accident report. Which is fine by me. That moron rear-ended me. I want this to be done right.

So we sit around and wait for the cops to come around. A woman office shows up and starts taking down all of the information. She looks at both vehicles, fills out the forms, takes statements of what happened. My car didn't seem like it was all that banged up. Some scratches on the rear bumper, and it's not fitting as perfectly as it did before. I did notice some clicking/chirping afterwards though.

So, after the guy takes off in his City of Glendale van, it's just the cop, my wife, and I. I am standing next to the cop, waiting for her to finish up her report. I hear the radio going off about some code 4. I figure that, since I'm not a criminal, I can ask the cop about that and not get a night-stick to the side of my head. I was almost right. Here's how that went.

"Officer, what's a code 4?"
"What. What do you mean?"
"Oh, heard that on your little radio there. It said 'code 4'. I was curious".
"Why" (with a bit of a stern tone).
"I'm sorry. I was just curious."
"It means no assistance needed."

She looked visibly annoyed by my attempt at small talk. I could feel my wife pinching the side of my leg to get me to stop talking. I guess she could tell that the officer was not having any of my conversation attempt. So, I shut up. I didn't need to add the pain of getting clubbed to the whiplash I was (and still am) feeling.

So, moral of the story. Stay out of Glendale. And if you are in Glendale, don't talk to the cops. And yes, I am planning of suing the City of Glendale. Talking to some lawyers right now. See what my best options are.

Paris Weed-Slip

Paris Hilton is not known for slipping anything other than her tits/cooter/butt . . . so, when she lets something else slip out, that's news. And just what has she unleashed upon the masses this time? Pot. The cheeba. Wacky Tabacc-key. Paris Hilton enjoys smoking the pot. From the amount of pot in her bag, it looks like she likes to wake & bake. The picture below was taken during some sort of fashion show (how many fashion shows can you go to before you realize that they're all the same), and seen within her purse is a rather sizeable amount of weed. Looks like an 1/8th . . . but don't ask me why I know this. Just trust me okay. I don't want to have to piss in a cup to prove it to you.

This is kind of weird. I was expecting, if Paris were ever to be found with drugs, that it would be something like meth or cocaine. Weed's kind of like a munchie-inducing drug, which makes no sense since Paris is still thin as an Auschwitz survivor. But, maybe it's her "gateway" drug. It does explain that whole ditzy act she's got going on.

Girl Fight Friday - Prelude to a Throw Down?

This video is long. Almost 6 minutes. But I love what these two bitches are arguing about. There is so much drama in this little movie, and the dudes hanging around these bitches just want to diffuse the situation by throwing liquor on the hos. It almost comes down to blows in the first minute or so, but then . . . nothing. Much like what was going on in this blog all of last week. Nothing. So, it's almost like an allegory. I'm sure there's a moral to the story somewhere here, but all of these rum and cokes are making my head all spinny . . . and don't you fucking tell me that I was crying, ok! I MISS MY MOM! Jeebus, I'm never inviting any of you punks on my own personal mind-spring-break. *Runs away sobbing*

Search Terms - Hiatus' Can't Stop da Search

You didn't see one of these last week because I was on vacation. Now that I am back, I feel obligated (but not contractually) to post this up again. It seems you were all quite busy, looking (and most likely still looking) for perverted and lascivious things on the internets. And rightly so, what else was this silly interweb contraption made for, right? Where else can you readily find pictures of Lindsay Lohan flashing her naked cooter to the world. Or pictures of children getting wedgies . . . wait, why do you want to see that? I understand the naked Cortana pictures (you are an uber-fanboy), but children getting their underpants pulled into their buttcracks? What the fuck is wrong with you??

Shame shame, I know your IP address.

Lindsay Lohan accidentally moons audience at Kid's Choice Awards - Google Search
Lindsay Lohan-Kids Choice Awards 2006 oops - Google Search
lohan vma crotch shot - Google Search
lindsay lohan oops nickelodeon picture - Google Search
nickelodeon lindsay lohan butt shot - Google Search
lindsay lohan moons audience - Google Search
sharon stone basic instinct photo spread - Google Search
alba ass - AltaVista Search
Katherine McPhee slip - Google Search
sharon stone paparazzi no underwear - Google Search UK
linsey lohan latest upskirt pictures - MSN Search UK
ciera singer hermaphrodite - Google Search
daniel radcliffe cock - BlogSearch FR
emma watson oops upskirt - Google Search
wife's nipslip - Google Search
cortana hentai - Google Search
"morgan webb" fhm - Google Search
splooge on Hermione - Google Search UK
lily allen upskirt - Google Search UK
gymnast oops photos - BlogSearch
amanda bynes nip slip - Google Search
Abi Titmuss upskirt - BlogSearch
fergie nip slip - Google Search
gretchen moll naked pics - Google Search CA
rachel weisz nude - BlogSearch
no panties - BlogSearch
nightclub panty shots - Google Search
Bigbutt Wedgie Gymnast - Google Search
ciera transvestite - Google Search UK
natalie portman schoolgirl outfit v for vendetta pictures - Google Search
Shawn Ashmore's past - Google Search
gymnast peeing french - Google Search
"smell my period" - Google Search
nip slip underage - Google Search
yoga "club dread" stomach - Google Search
emma watson naked - Google Search
linsey lohan beaver shot - MSN Search
evangeline lilly wardrobe malfunction - Google Search CA
lohan car panties - Google Search
emma watson panties - Google Search NL
Katharine McPhee sexy photos - Google Search
"falling out of dress" - Google Search
eva longoria camel toe - DogPile Search
emma watson nipslip - Google Search BE
emilie de ravin nip slip - Google Search
UNSUSPECTING FEMALES NIP SLIPS - Google Search
Bijou Phillips nude pics - BlogSearch
morgan webb slip - Google Search
Katharine McPhee paparazzi nipple slip - Google Search
pictures of val kilmer nuzzling paris hilton boobs - Google Search PH
+yesadvertising +blog - Google Search TW
lindsay lohan shaven - Google Search NL
linsey lohan nipple - MSN Search
butt slips - Google Search MY
Kristen Bell upskirt - Google Search IT
Anne Hathaway+nip - Google Search
"panty slip" - Google Search AU
presenters nip slip - Google Search UK
Rachel mcadams wmv - Google Search
accidental boob sightings - Google Search CA
gymnastics wardrobe malfunctions - Google Search
nipple slip scene of salma hayek - Google Search IN
kelly search.nl - Google Search FR
tv nipslip morgan - Google Search CA
Ana De La Reguera nipple - Yahoo Search
gymnast cameltoe - BlogSearch NL
Cameron Diaz - BlogSearch
frosty machines phillipines - Google Search
emma watson's feet - Google Search UK
tv presenter upskirt forgot panties - Google Search UK
bumu boots - Google Search
nudepicture - MSN Search
"prussian blue" "jimmy kimmel" - Yahoo Search
Comcast pissing - Technorati Search
nude cortana - Google Search
Children Getting wedgie - Images - Google Search
sex scene underworld .mpg - Google Search
hate brett ratner - Google Search
cameron diaz video - BlogSearch
evangeline lilly photos - Google Search
Fergie's Wardrobe Malfunction - Google Search
ashanti thunder thighs - Google Search CA
i hate x-men 3 - Google Search
emilie de ravin naked nip slip - Google Search
Rhada Mitchell tits - Google Search DE

When Does A Republican Turn Democrat?

I guess all you need to do to change party lines is cyber-sex it up with a bunch of underage boys. Or, you could just let "The O'Reilly Factor" do it for you on FOX News. Seems they might have made a small mistake when they ran the graphic above, that clearly shows the Republican Congressman as a Democrat. Oops. What are they trying to say? Democrats love cyber-sex with underage boys? Maybe they also dabble in a little bit of that there necrophilia. Or maybe that Dem's are all just lousy, dirty, and disreputable people. So much so, that they just decided to make one of them, one of us, by way of his improper conduct online.

Even the black dude behind him is wondering why this rich white man is suddenly a Democrat.

HDH - Eva Mendes

I heard somewhere that it was Hispanic Heritage month, or Spic Appreciation month . . . or something like that. And before I get the hate mail about "Spic", you should know that I am one, so I can say it. Just like black people can say "nigger" without any repercussions. And before you send me hate mail about that, remember that I was trying to make a point. So, back to Eva Mendes. She's not bad looking. She's got a fairly nicely shaped badonkadonk and she doesn't look as maid-ish as Jennifer Lopez. It's also a nice wallpaper. Somewhat reminiscent as those Jessica Alba panties pictures.

Hentai = The Way Things Should Be

You know, women could learn a thing or two from Hentai (japanese porno cartoons). I mean, just look at the video above. That animated cartoon girl knows exactly what she wants. Why can't women be like this. Knowing just what a woman wants is like trying to decypher Egyptian heiroglyphics. And they don't tell you what they want out-right. They want you to somehow read their minds, pick up on clues, and anticipate things because that's their idea of "romance". It's more like a gameshow on FOX. Anyway, this is from a hentai feature called "Bible Black" . . . and that's all I know about it. You can find more videos over at YouTube.

Nipple-Topia - Cameron Diaz

Cameron Diaz hates the papparazzi. I don't know if you saw the thing with her and Justin Timberlake almost getting into a fight with a papparazo's car. And she's pretty uptight about her privacy. A year or so ago, some guy surfaced with a Cameron Diaz video of her topless or something and her lawyers jumped all over it. So, I think it's rightful vindication that the papparazzi press has finally scored pictures of the actress they can rightfully claim as their own. You can head over to The Egotastic for the entire set, but here are the ones that really matter. One where you can see her face and identify her, and the one below where you can see the toplessness of the actress (yes, toplessness is now a word).

TuGMO - Upping the Bar

This week's "Tuesday Girl MakeOut", or TuGMO for short, ups the ante a little bit, and we have the Swedes to thank for that. Not only do they provide us with an ample supply of meatballs and modular furniture, they are also giving us the gift of girls making out with other girls. Girls spanking the asses of other girls. Girls giving each other lapdances. Girls with tig ol' bitties rubbing them up against other tig ol' bitties. This video has everything, and I'm afraid that by posting this now, I will have shot my virtual wad and all future videos will not be able to hold a candle, or double-ended dildo, to this one. So, enjoy this. And yes, access to YouTube has been restored at work. Don't ask me how/why and when it will stop again. I don't want it to get jinx'ed.

Box Office Report Gets Punk'd

Wow, what a weekend. I go on vacation and this happens. Two movies starring Ashton Kutcher dominating the top ten list. Maybe he sprinkled some of that Kabbalah holy water on something and wished really hard . . . or Demi Moore has some pull on who goes to which movies. In any case, this is unprecendented . . . and I hope it never happens again. Movie #3 on this list is "Jackass: Number Two", which did some nice work in keeping the John "Napoloen Dynamite" Heder crapfest "School for Scoundrels" from making it to the top 3. Good job Knoxville. Now, drop off a bag of burning poop over at Ashton & Demi's mansion.

Fifth in line on the list is Jet Li's "Fearless", which still begs the question. Does he own it? Or is he the one who is fearless. I'm afraid . . . the world will never know. The Rock's "Gridiron Gang" (he IS a Gridiron Gang) tackles some unsuspecting viewers and shakes them down for their cash without getting set to juvie. "The Illusionist" keeps making small amounts of money disappear from the ATM cards of the American populace. I haven't watched this yet, but it looks mildly entertaining. It would be wildly entertaining if Jessica Biel were to get all of her Victorian-era garb disappeared . . . but that's just a movie that plays in my head.

"Flyboys" is starting to sputter, and may need to ditch in a field or the ocean, exploding Zeppelins be damned! "The Black Dahlia" keeps getting sliced in cineplexes, but is not garnering the attention that it should. You know what it needs? Ashton Kutcher . . . playing the Black Dahlia role! "Little Miss Sunshine" rounds out the top 10, proving that one can make a movie for little, and have it gross a lot. Go indie film-makers. Sell out!

Numbers below. Why? Because everyone loves numbers.

1. Open Season - $23,000,000
2. The Guardian - $17,667,000
3. Jackass: Number Two - $14,010,000; $51,452,000
4. School for Scoundrels - $9,109,000
5. Jet Li's Fearless - $4,702,000; $17,785,000
6. Gridiron Gang - $4,500,000; $33,177,000
7. The Illusionist - $2,845,000; $31,488,000
8. Flyboys - $2,320,000; $9,915,000
9. The Black Dahlia - $2,069,000; $20,683,000
10.Little Miss Sunshine - $2,020,000; $53,162,000

Name That Ass

We're going to play a little game here. I don't think this will become a regular feature, but here it is anyway. As you can see from the title of the post, you're going to be asked to identify an ass. Not a donkey . . . althought that would narrow it down to just one famous donkey - Eeyore. So, here is the ass in question.

Now, resist the urge to scroll down all the way to bottom (all couple of inches) of this post to see who that is. Use the clues that you can gather from the picture. You know she's white, tends to wear dresses that lead to either flashes or nip-slips, and is a tad on the whorish side. So whorish in fact that you might want to dip your mouse in bleach after you're done with this post. Made your choice? Here goes nothing.

Yes, Paris Hilton does it again. It's like class just drips from every pore with her. Or, actually, it just drips from her ass like diarreah after a nice anal reaming. Yes, that's the picture of grace and demureness I've come to expect from Paris Hilton. Fart in a mitten indeed.

Prodigal Blogger Returns

I'm pretty sure no one missed me while I was gone. I know I wasn't particularly itching to blog my vacation adventures, so it was a nice break from the blogging monotony that can permeate things that become routine. But, now I'm back, in the office, and I found a little time to goof off. So, what have I been up to all week long?

Nothing. I was planning on using my vacation time to travel and interview at prospective job opportunities, but that fell through. Which left me with the only alternative available. Sit on the couch and play Call of Duty 2 on the XBOX 360. Which is great and all, but it doesn't secure any financial stability. This whole week was pretty relaxing though, and I find myself at work not wanting to kill anyone . . . yet.

The wife, dog and I went camping as well this past week. Yeah, roughing it out in the wilderness. Originally, we planned on staying a max of 2 nights out there. We got enough food, a tent, some sleeping bags and blankets, and shoved everything in my Mazda 3 (and, amazingly enough, it all fit) and made the 36'ish mile trip up Angeles Crest Highway to a slightly out of the way campsite called Buckhorn. I only say out of the way because there are no signs pointing to it. You just drive to a small road that off-shoots off the main road. If you miss it, you miss the campsite.

We set up our camp and paid the $12 for the night. Took a hike to tire out the dog who had spent most of the time since we got there whining. Then, we found firewood, splashed some lantern fuel on the wood, and lit it. Which was kind of funny because Heather thought she would light it for us. I had no idea (and neither did she) that the accelerant would work quite as well as it did, so when she lowered down to light it with a match, a rather large mushroom-cloud made of file "fwooshed!" up and almost knocked her on her ass. She didn't suffer any burns, which was fortunate.

Night finally came, and we crawled into the tent. All of us. Including the dog. Which was fine up until we started to smell him. In case you don't know, hounds usually smell worse than your regular dog. And since my dog spends most of his days under a shed, he smells like the inside of a vaccuum cleaner. Anyway, this was not the main reason we decided to cut our camping trip short. The main reason was the fact that we didn't have the forsight to pack any cushioning material. All we had was sleeping bags and the thin material the tent is made out of between us and the ground. Sleeping was extremely uncomfortable, so around 5 AM the next morning, we were up already and ready to get the hell back to civilization (or a mattress, whichever we could get to first).

That was the extent of our "out-of-town" activities. There were a couple of other things we did. A couple of baby showers, some time with the parental units, and a lot of shopping for a couple of weddings that are happening in the next couple of months. So, yeah . . . umm . . . what'd I miss?

Friday Night Films - 9/22/06

I know, it's been a couple of weeks since I've taken a look at the opening movies, but it's not like I've been going to the movies a lot lately. Last time I went was for a "Beerfest/Crank". Did the whole "pay for one, slip into the 2nd for free". Might do that this weekend as well. After all, tonight, my vacation starts up. That means a whole week with no blog posts (if I can help it).

Wide Releases

All the King's Men - A lot of big stars in this movie . . . and Sean Penn. Ha! Take that sucka. You're going down like your brother. Oh wait. Maybe that was a little on the harsh side. Anyway, this is a remake of an old Oscar winner. It's about a southern politician that gets corrupted by the "system". I'm not watching this movie. Southern politics just don't amuse me. Now, if we're talking about Northern California's attempt at legalizing marijuana . . . that's a film I'm willing to watch. But this? It's a pass for me.

Flyboys - Ah . . . the ladies love the James Franco. He's so dreamy. *sigh*. Thankfully, he's not assualting us with multiple movies this time like back in the "Annapolis/Tristan&Isolde" movie blitz from a few months ago. I can handle a James Franco movie from time to time. Heck, I own both Spider-Man movies. And I love historical war movies. Most of the time, people concentrate on WWII (one less W and it turns into a Nintendo console), so seeing a WWI movie might interest me. Plus, who doesn't like exploding zeppelins. God I wish I were around when the Hindenburg exploded. That would have been boss. This is a maybe for me. Depends on what the wife says about it.

Jackass: Number Two - You know, I was waiting for "Son of Jackass" to come out. Instead, they made a Number Two. Which is great. I hear the stunts are more dangerous and hilarious this time around. Which is awesome. This movie I actually want to pay to see this weekend. And I think it will make top dollar at the box office. Why? Because America loves its Jackasses. This is a definite watch for me this weekend. Now, I just need to figure out what the "slip into for free" movie we're going to follow this up with.

Jet Li's Fearless - The whole apostrophe-s is confusing me. Are they implying that Jet Lis IS fearless, or that Fearless belongs to Jet Li? I don't know. Should I care. Possibly. This is, allegedly, Jet Li's last martial arts movie. I guess he's going the Van Damme route and will only take dramatic roles. I wonder if there are a lot of openings for short, 45 year old chinese men with a shaky command of the English language in Hollywood. The wife and I enjoy a good martial arts movie, and we might watch this . . . but most likely not. This is another maybe.

Selected Theaters Releases (Descriptions provided by Yahoo! Movies, with snippets of my own commentary . . . because I can).

American Hardcore - A documentary about the early-80's hardcore punk scene, featuring Black Flag, Bad Brains and Minor Threat. *yawn*

Bandidas - Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz are two wild west bank robbers fighting a ruthless robber baron who takes over their town. *Salma and Penelope in corsetts = Muy caliente!*

Feast - A diverse group of people trapped in an isolated tavern must fight for survival against flesh-hungry creatures that lay siege. *Are there really any other type of creature than the flesh hungry variety?*

Renaissance - An animated sci-fi thriller about a cop looking for a missing woman and the secret of eternal youth in Paris of 2053. *I bet it does not involve showering regularly.*

The Science of Sleep - A creative guy (Gael Garcia Bernal) whose dreams overtake his reality tries to romance his neighbor. Directed by Michel Gondry. *We heart Michel Gondry, totally watching this.*

It Makes Me Sick

*Disclaimer - I started writing this Thursday afternoon, and naturally, Blogger was down. So if you read something in there that is referencing to yesterday, no . . . I'm not going crazy. I'm not suffering from some psychological malady that manifests itself with time displacement. It only feels like that sometimes. Anyway, carry on with the post.

Anticipation that is. Not knowing if I will get a call back from a resume being submitted. Calling people, doing interviews, and then . . . not hearing a damn thing. It makes me almost crazy checking my inbox throughout the day and seeing nothing but spam in there. I've lost track of the number of times I've checked my friggin Gmail today.

And it seems that having someone referring you on the inside is not working out for me. Why it works for every single other person, I don't know. Maybe it's because I've never relied on that whole "hook-up" way of getting a job somewhere. But I have re-submitted on my own, twice, and have not heard back from the company. Now, any other time I'd brush this off and continue my soul-crushing 9-5:30 job like nothing happened, but this job would have changed our lives. So, this is not something I can just let go.

This just cements my thoughts on how things can go from hopeful to completely fucked up in a very small time-span. I'm mad. Not at anyone in particular. I'm mad because my decision to move forward with this course of action is causing problems. My wife had to put starting college on hold because I was sure I was going to get this job up north . . . and now, every day that passes with no news about it, I can tell that a little resentment is growing within her. Rightly so. It's my fucking fault.

So here I am, sitting in my mini-cubicle, waiting for the next douche-bag client to call so that I handle whatever bullshit problem they're having with their computer. It makes me hate life. The only bright spot is that there's only about and hour and a half left on my work day.

Things are not so peachy-keen at my current job. The HR guy who was trying to get me a $1 raise to offset the $150+/month that my health insurance is going to cost me now that the company decided to go with a "better" plan. Sure, it's going to save them 30 G's, but I'm getting shafted in the process. He told me he was putting in the request for the raise on Monday, and on Tuesday he told me he was trying to find out just how far up the corporate food chain it was going. It's Thursday now, and I've heard nothing from him in the past 2 days. So, in this case, no news is making me think that it's going to turn out being bad news. My already miniscule paycheck is going to end up getting smaller . . . making our lives more miserable (financially at least) than it already is. First, the raise-less promotion, now . . . less money.

I hate this. All of these worries are essentially making me feel sick. I'm not the worrying kind. With me, things always have a way of working themselves out. This time though, I'm not so sure.

Oh, and here is the end result of a job lead that I thought would pay out. Seems like fortune is not shining on me lately.

Jaime:

We have been doing a great deal of interviewing and at this time we have decided to go with applicants we feel are more qualified for the position. Thank you for your interest, we will keep you information on file for future openings.

So, that sucks. Well, the only thing I can look forward to this coming week is vacation time. I was hoping to use that time to maybe go up and interview somewhere so I could come back to work 2 weeks from now and hand in my 2-week notice. Seems like that might not happen anymore.

Search Terms - Can't Stop the Search

I've seen a spike in searces coming in over the past couple of weeks. Everytime someone does something stupid, it seems that people out there just want to gawk at it. The list below should be a clear interpretation of that. Guess who's been doing stupid shit lately. Yes, Lindsay Lohan, who couldn't keep herself out of the papparazzi's lenses if she tried. And you people love it. You want to see her panty-less pictures. The nipple slips. Hell, even the boat that the fake upskirt picture was taken at. Here's a sampling of this week's searches. Again, this is not the whole scope of it, just what I was able to monitor.

lindsay lohan exposed on boat - Google Search CA
lineage2 underwear image - Google Search IT
lindsey lohan no underwear - Google Search
fergie's nipple slips - Google Search IE
linsey lohan without underwear picture - Google Search MX
lindsay lohan exposed shot - Google Search
Lindsay Lohan no panties - Google Search DE
cortana hentai - Google Search
Katherine Mcphee panties - Google Search
"evangeline lilly" "nipple slip" "paris - Google Search DE
http://bloggedjaime.blogspot.com - Technorati Search
lindsay lohan without pant - Google Search CO
kristen bell nipple slip - Google Search CA
emma watson nipple slip - Google Search
lohan panty - Google Search
lindsay lohan no pants - Google Search BR
basic instinct legs mpeg - Google Search NL
"pictures of pete wentz" - Google Search
chemical castration - AltaVista Search
latest lindsay lohan no panty - Google Search
Fergie pissing herself concert - Yahoo Search
gymnast pees - Google Search
lindsey lohan pantyless - BlogSearch
Katharine McPhee, butt - Google Search
Anne Hathaway havoc couch video - Google Search
anna farris slips - NTLWorld.Com Search
lindsay lohan car no underwear - Google Search IE
Daniel Radcliffe Wedgie - Google Search NL
natalie portman vendetta schoolgirl pictures - Google Search
guess watches model seaching - Google Search CA
stewart upskirt - Excite Search
lindsay lohan upskirt coming out of car - Google Search UK
drunk urine - AltaVista Search
busty pictures - BlogSearch
strike blogspot - AlltheWeb Search
emma watson/paparazzi - Google Search SE
Basic Instinct leg cross - Google Search
"the office" spoiler - BlogSearch
"Lindsay Lohan" England car "no panties" - Google Search
Lindsey Lohan Bikini Picture - MSN Search
drunk pissing urine - AltaVista Search
lindsay lohan car exit - IceRocket Search
lindsay lohan's boat fake - Google Search
rachel mcadams upskirt - Google Search
lohan exposed nipple car - Google Search
panties car - BlogSearch
photo blogurl - BlogSearch
lindsay lohan pussy - Technorati Search
"katherine mcphee nude" - Yahoo Search
corsett ghost nude - Google Search
anal AND blowjob - Technorati Search
mandy bynes nip - Google Search
"katharine McPhee" rape fiction - Google Search ID
Rosario Dawson hard nipples - Google Search
lilly allen upskirt nip slip - Google Search UK
kim stewart upskirt awards - Google Search
whitney houston gets skidmarks - Google Search UK
evangeline lilly bra size - Google Search
emily rose screencaps - Google Search CA
pamela anderson's nipples - BlogSearch
fergie porno black eyed pieces - Google Search IT
Natalie portman vendetta crotch-shot - Google Search
gretchen moll bettie page - Google Search
Hostel screencaps - Google Search
upskirt shots and films - BlogSearch
sex blogurl - BlogSearch
gagfactor video posts - Google Search TR
Fah NATALIE GLEBOVA - Google Search CR
rachel weisz nip - Google Search GR
emma watson's legs - Google Search BG
evangeline paparazzi pictures - Google Search
sexygirls without bra - Google Search IN
"jennifer love hewitt nipples" - Google Search DE
olympic upskirt - Google Search FI
snorgtees models - Google Search CA
linsey lohan shaved - MSN Search
amanda bynes nip slip - AOL Search
Search nudepicture - Google Search
rachel mcadams oops - Google Search
"Gwyneth Paltrow" - BlogSearch
nude oops blogspot - BlogSearch
Emma Watson's panties - Google Search
+'Pete Wentz MSN' - Google Search AU
dead rising upskirt - Google Search
doctor visit spank rectal thermometer - Google Search
lindsay lohan pete beaver shot - Google Search
emma watson bare feet - Google Search
jim pam kiss photo - Blingo Search
chris martin coldplay - BlogSearch
Tyra Banks Celine Dion menstrual - Google Search AU
morgan webb nipple slips - Google Search
mrs. federline imprint tank - Google Search
blogspot housewife shaved - Google Search

HDH - Jennifer Morrison

I love "House MD". Besides being smart and often hardcore (remember the testicle burst?) it also has a great cast. And by great cast I mean Jennifer Morrison. Sure, Hugh Laurie has that cantankerous old-man schtick down and the other two guy doctors are cool and all . . . but they don't look like Jennifer Morrison. With the new season of "House" starting up, she should be be reason enough for you to start watching. I mean, what else is on TV at 8 PM on a Tuesday night? Reruns of "Gilmore Girls" (which I would be watching anyway, but they're starting to piss me off because of the lack of hot mother-daughter lesbian action the show sorely needs). One more picture to help sway your opinion on the show, and if you want, you can also visit jennifer-morrison.net for more pictures, videos, etc.
Who wants to play doctor?

Gwyneth Paltrow - Baby Hi-Five

I've given babies high fives before. Never in the face though. I usually try to at least aim for that little hand, or maybe even their tiny feet if I'm feeling playful. But, since Gwyneth spends so much time in England with "rocker" husband Chris Martin of Coldplay, maybe this is how they do it in the UK. You know they do things weird up there anyway. Fries = chips? What in God's (Jeebus) name is that all about?!

Or maybe, she was trying to shield her baby's face from the papparazzi, but suffocation is not usually the best way to do this. Maybe a plastic bag. Yeah, that would work.

TuGMO - Still Life

I am aware that a picture is worth a thousand words . . . but the going rate for a video must be in the millions. But, as you know, the tight-asses here at work (screw you IT) have blocked off access to YouTube, so I can't post videos anymore. But, I found this picture of Jessica Biel (BAFW's new favorite starlet) making out with a female friend. The picture makes me feel a little voyeuristic and naughty, and if I make a mental collage of last week's Jessica Biel posting and today's . . . I can almost make a mess in my pants. Almost.

Office Mega-Spoiler

You watch "The Office". Let's face it, everyone in America is watching this show. And rightly so, it's pretty damn great. Not as great as the British version, but for American television, it's definately TiVo-worthy. So, if you were watching at the end of last season, then you know about "the kiss". Jim and Pam kiss each other at the end of that episode leaving one hell of a cliffhanger. Now, I'm going to warn you. If you keep reading, you're going to spoil what happens. So . . . proceed at your own risk.

In an article found here, the show's producer is talking about "The Office" and other shows. Towards the middle of the article, he's talking about sponsorships that are happening within this series and he lets this bomb drop.

So for an episode of “The Office” that featured a business lunch at Chili’s, he struck a special sponsorship deals with that restaurant chain. On another occasion the wireless company Cingular expressed interest in a special marketing campaign. Mr. Silverman noted that one of the show’s main characters, Jim, was going to be in a long-distance relationship with another character, Pam, so naturally “they’re going to be text-messaging each other.”

So, it looks like Jim is getting that transfer and maybe Pam is getting married . . . or not? At least we now know that they're not going to be together. Which brings up an interesting point. Just how to do you text-phone sex?

Too Much Information

It is in my opinion that my wife is beautiful and everything she does is either adorable or cute. Or sexy. Trust me, my views on my wife are 100% positive. I love her dearly and would never trade her in for anything in the world.

So, now that I prefaced this post with that disclaimer, we're going to get to the issue at hand. Last night, while watching television, she said something that really shocked me. Shocked me more than when I found out at work I'd be now paying $150+ bucks/month for health insurance as opposed to $0. But that's a different story. We were sitting there, enjoying whatever televised show we were watching and she let's this out.

"Oh man, I can smell my period. I don't feel fresh"

I turn to her, wide-eyed, and say "I think that's the most disgusting thing you have ever said to me". We both laughed at that, but for the next couple of hours, I was in a bit of a fog. How could my wife, beautiful creature that she is, say something that would put me off so much.

Now, granted, the woman is a saint when it comes to my particular man smells. She has put up with farts, ball-sweat stench, and an accumulation of boogers on the tub drain. All, without threatening me with a quick divorce. Yes, men are naturally disgusting. I have gotten over the whole period-smell though. I personally, never caught a whiff of it. She took a bath shortly thereafter and came out smelling like something I can't describe due to the lack of estrogen in my system.

But honey, please, don't shatter my view of you with another one of those declarations of un-freshness. It's just too much information. Kinda like discovering that the mall Santa Claus is not actually the real one, but rather a pedophile that somehow slipped through the system and now gets to sit little boys and girls on his crusty and stained lap.

YouTube Blocked - Girl Fight Fridays Stymied

Yes, those bastards over at IT have once again made the brilliant choice to block YouTube. Why? Well . . . they're douchebags and they hate fun. This is why there is no chicks fighting on video today. It's a sad state of affairs, I know, and if my trusty computer would be working properly, I would totally post the promised Friday feature. But I can't tell if I'm looking at pornography or interpretative dance whenever I use my computer (fucked up screen), so I don't want to end up posting an all girl school mathlete competition instead of some good ol' woman on woman whompin' action. Although, come to think of it . . . an all girl school mathlete competition might be a little on the hot side. Specially if it's a Catholic school.

Shake it off. So, yeah, I don't know when I'll get back to embedding videos into my blog. Last time, the block lasted about a month. Hopefully, I won't be working here in a month's time. So, hang tight readers.

Search Terms - Lohan-Dominated

It seems that Lindsay Lohan's exposed crotch is the bee's knee's these days. I mean, just take a look at all those entries of searches looking for that. And for once, they reached (one of) the right spots on the internet. You can check below Lohan's shaved snatch. She's such a classy lady. Anyway, enjoy this week's cup'o depravity. One more post today and I'm out.

Katherine Mcphee's breasts - Google Search
Emma Watson's toes - Google Search
Cortana Hentai - Google Search FR
katherine mcphee toes - Google Search
ciera a hermaphrodite - Google Search
paparazzi upskirt lindsay lohan boat - Google Search
lindsay lohan boat shot - BlogSearch
lindsey lohan without panties - Google Search SE
Lindsay lohan without panties in the car - Google Search CL
evangeline nipple - Google Search
lindsay lohan without pants - Google Search BR
lindsay lohan in car with no panties on - Google Search
lohan no panties kids show awards - Google Search
lindsay lohann pantyless - Google Search
UPSKIRT - BlogSearch
LINSEY LOHAN GETTING OUT CAR DRESS - Google Search
"Lindsay Lohan" blogspot panties - Google Search
lindsay lohan + blogs + no panty - Google Search
+Linsey +lohan +underpants - Google Search SE
gretchen moll - Google Search
Lindsey Lohan/Boat slip - Google Search
hollywood bowl parking - BlogSearch
blowjob - Blogdigger Search
drunk pissing - AltaVista Search
BRAZIL ANAL - Google Search IT
kimberly stewart nipple slip - Google Search
lindsay lohan without slips - Google Search
"gladiator eroticus" + screencaps - Google Search
lindsey lohan beAVER SHOT CAR EXIT - Google Search
rocketdyne - Technorati Search
shooting montreal clip retarded haircut - Google Search
"amanda bynes nip" - Google Search
emma watson naked photos - Lycos Search
nipple blogurl:bloggedjaime.blogspot.com - BlogSearch
drunken nipple slip.com - Comcast Search
topia - BlogSearch
pete wentz interviews - Google Search CA
Emmanuelle in Space - A Time to Dream (1999) Unrated jpg - Google Search TR
"girl make-out video" - Yahoo Search
fergie upskirt - BlogSearch
jessica alba ass - AltaVista Search
sneeze "green dress" speech "wardrobe malfunction" - Google Search SG
Maggie Grace paparazzi - Google Search KR
photo of Ashanti showing boob on stage - Google Search UK
gangbang olympics wmv - Google Search FR
shaun of the dead upskirt - Google Search AU
Bloodrayne Spike Wardrobe Malfunction - Google Search CA
picture - french gymnast - peeing - Ask.Com Search
CW Premiers on WGN Chicago - Google Search
farris cameltoe - Google Search
rachel mcadams nipple premier - Google Search
"kristin " bikini mtv two-a-days - Google Search

Dead Rising - DOA

I love my XBOX 360. For the most part, I've enjoyed every single game I've played on it. Some more than others. I had heard great things about "Dead Rising", and was eagerly anticipating playing it, and so was my wife. I was fortunate enough to marry a zombie-lover. So, we got the game from Gamefly, and popped it into the console.

At first, everything looks great. The game is moving along quite nicely, and right after the cinematic where the protagonist jumps out of the helicopter onto the top of the mall, the load screen comes up . . . and never leaves. We try it multiple times, and get to the same spot, and nothing progresses past that.

So, we figure it is a defective disk, contact Gamefly, and they send me another copy. We pop that one in, start playing it, and then get to the same spot. Both my wife and I are sitting there, with our fingers crossed, waiting for the load screen to yield the next part of the game.

But, once again, nothing happens! We encounter the same damn problem. I did some checking up online about different problems people had while running this game . . . and they were pretty scary issues. The most benign one referenced the small text style CAPCOM chose to go with, making it very hard to read anything on screen when using a standard definition television. The opposite end of the spectrum of problems was ending up with a completely dead XBOX 360. I even heard guest-host Brett Butler on XPLAY say that it had happened on her 360 as well. So, while not being able to play a game that looks fucking awesome sucks, at least maintaining my console operational is the silver-lining. I'll just go back to playing N3, which I'm still trying to hack/slash my way through.

Jessica Biel - Built for Tossing?

I am . . . umm . . . I need some time alone with this picture. Anyone have a squeegie? I'm going to need to clean my screen after I'm done here. Wow, what a tongue.

HDH - Mary Louise Parker

I'm not sure if it's a physical attraction thing, although, in that picture, those knockers are looking pretty hot . . . but I think it's more the personality that she has that earned her the "Hump Day Hottie" of the week spot here on BAFW. That smile's not hurting either. Mary Louise Parker's the kind of actress you've seen handle serious acting roles in the past with lots of grace and talent. You can see her in one of my new favorite shows, "Weeds", playing a suburban housewife that has to take up dealing marijuana after her husband croaks unexpectedly without any life insurance policy (don't worry honey, mine's taken care off). Despite the grim set-up, it does make for some funny television. Check it out. There's a reason Mary Louise Parker beat out all the "Desperate Housewives" actresses for the award in her hand.

Ninety-Nine Nights: I need a bigger TV

I got N3: Ninety-Nine Nights over the weekend from Gamefly. I had downloaded the demo from XBOX Live about a month ago and had not been all that impressed. The camera angles were a little off and it really did nothing to impress me. Sure, it looked pretty but I didn't think I would like it too much.

I decided to rent it anyway. After all, I was done with PGR3 (505/1000 achievement points . . . try getting more than that) and needed something to play while my wife (who is totally not a nerd, trust me) was digging into "Dead Rising". So, it arrived and I popped it into the 360. From the get-go, you start off with a different character. The one in the demo was kind of slow. Inphyy is one fast motha. She rocks it with a sword and performs all these acrobatic moves that look really sweet. And she doles out the damage like a pro. Her story veers towards the dark side as you progress through it, which is quite satisfying. I'm tired of do-gooders.

Once you go through all of the missions for her, you get to use other characters, and you go through similar missions with them. This, in turn opens up more characters, so in the end you are seeing the conflict from every conceivable angle. This keeps the game refreshing and increases the replayability value.

One of the only complaints I have is the lack of save points on the game. There's nothing quite like going through one of the missions all the way to the boss, and getting chumped by a low blow that kills you. Then, you have to go through the whole mission again . . . and some of these monsters can have you hacking/slashing through hundreds of enemies for a good hour.

Apart from that, there are great cinematics. Awesome lighting effects. Sweet super-moves. And anime-ish chicks in revealing armor . . . or naughty-witch costumes. This is a definite rental recommendation from me. I wouldn't buy it, only because of the total abscense of multi-player modes. Other than that, the game looks fabulous and makes me want to own a plasma television. The game really needs hi-def to get the full effect of how great this videogame is.

TuGMO - Is this 2nd Base?

I've never been very well versed on the whole "bases" business, but I think these two chicks have crossed at least first, and are well on their way to a homerun. It's a short little tease of a video. After all, this is not a pornographic site . . . all of the time.

Drapes & Carpet - No Match

So, another week, another Lindsay Lohan pussy picture. This girl just can't stop herself from wearing things that easily reveal her private parts. Now, unlike last week's entry in the continuing saga that is exposing herself to the public, this one actually looks to be much more on the real side. I'm not making any judgements yet, but this one at least does not look like it belongs to a mummified camel, so it might be the real thing. It's kind of interesting that the thing is bare. It looks like she went the "tile" way rather than having to maintain a more "carpet"ed look. I guess that when you change hair color as much as she does, getting a Brazilian wax just saves time.

Box Office Report - Weak Sauce

Wow, not a single movie with more than 10 million dollars this weekend. Sure, a few of these have made money previously, but the three or so movies that opened this weekend must not have inspired many to seek refuge from the heat in a movie theater. I'm not even going to take the time to even discuss them. Here's the list, with no frills. Not even bolded numbers. I know. That's how disappointed I am.

1. The Covenant - $8,852,458
2. Hollywoodland - $5,926,177
3. Invincible - $5,630,126 $45,500,634
4. The Protector - $5,034,180
5. Crank - $4,904,308 $19,962,812
6. The Illusionist - $4,514,306 $17,963,845
7. Little Miss Sunshine - $4,273,545 $41,494,873
8. The Wicker Man - $4,062,271 $17,433,396
9. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby - $3,012,596 $142,193,465
10. Barnyard: The Original Party Animals - $2,715,092 $67,014,342

Scientology - What are your Crimes?

I don't usually post 10 minute long videos . . . but when it comes to Scientology and the kookiness of it all, I make an exception. Now, my personal opinion about this "religion" is that it is a cult. A subversive and incredibly efficient almost borderline criminal organization that has managed to brainwash a lot of people into buying their bullshit. But, that's just my opinion. I'm not trying to sway public opinion. I'm just 1 Blogger. But watch the video and see how the Scientology Acolytes treat this guy behind the camera. It's at least good for a couple of laughs. All it needs is John Travolta making out with a guy and it would be perfect.

Girl Fight Fridays - Nothing Witty; Just Fighting

I'm kind of burn-out today. So, this being my fourth post of the day, I'm just going to let the video do the talking for me. I like the little bit of slo-mo right in the middle. Great little editing.

50 Cent Pulls a Paris

Driving erratically and getting arrested must be the new "it" thing to do for celebrities. 50 Cent just got pulled over for driving his uninsured Lamborghini (living on the edge) erratically by an un-marked police car. He then refused to get out of the car and opted to make a phone call instead (the edge of retardation that is). Who's next? Haley Joel Osmont already flipped his Saturn (blang blang!) and got busted with weed in the car. It seems that no celebrity is safe from getting busted by the cops. Which should make for some great entertainment for me. :)

Making Friends - The Corporate Way

The company I work for keeps making friends all over the place. Just take a look at this client's e-mail. You can almost sense how happy he is, or was, with the product he put on his computer.

I am very upset with your product and it is my opinion that you have designed software that ruins my machine if I choose to discontinue its use or attempt to delete it. This is the highest form of theft I can think of. All companies who employ such practices should be blown to bits. If you believe you are helping yourselves by conducting business that way you are sadly mistaken. This type of crap my work good in the short run, but is no way to keep long term customers. But how naive I must be to believe anyone who does this crap is interested in being in business for any real length of time since you and all of the others are engineering punishment for those who use your product and then wish to discontinue. All software companies should be publicly flogged. This is a SCUMBAG move!!!! If you have the nerve to deal with me I would tell you this personally. If the people who run this dump have any nerve or integrity they would call me personally to get apiece of my mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, to re-cap . . . he wants to have our babies.

Search Terms - Putting out the Firecrotch

You will notice (because I have bolded them) an influx of Lindsay Lohan searches this week. Well, this shouldn't be a surprise to anyone since she "allegedly" had a super-upskirt and showed everyone her ham-sandwhich'y-looking cooter. Or . . . maybe not. That picture is a fake and Lindsay Lohan's vagina does not look like it belongs to an 80 year old woman. Well, actually, it could . . . but we don't know for sure. So, enjoy perusing the list. There are some winners in there.

lohan panty - Google Search
anna farris oops - Google Search DE
"green dress" crotch "howard stern" - Google Search
evangeline lilly nip slip - Google Search
"Emma Watson fart" - Google Search
lindsay lohan boat crotch shot - Google Search
lohan dress - Google Search
adlla - BlogSearch
v for vendetta nipple portman - Google Search
girls kissing - BlogSearch
fergie wardrobe failure - Google Search
deviant clip upskirt - ICQ Search
"pee olympic" - Google Search PL
Lindsay Morgan Lohan panty - Google Search
Katharine McPhee slip - Google Search AU
gymnast crotch accident - Google Search
kristen bell nipple - Google Search
She's the man screencaps - Google Search AU
zero 7 hollywood bowl sold out - Google Search
kimberly stewart upskirt nude picture - Yahoo Search
lohan's crotch picture - Google Search
all upskirt - BlogSearch
Katherine McPhees boob fell out on American Idol pictures - Google Search
lindsay lohan no underwear - Google Search CA
lohan crotchshot - Google Search
fergie at vma dress malfunction - Google Search
lohan crotch boat - Google Search
emma watson nipple slip - Yahoo Search
lindsey lohan+exposed - Google Search
lohan crotch -fire, -fiery - Google Search
Lindsay Lohan "crotch photo" - Google Search
lindsay lohan exposed crotch boat - Google Search
lindsay lohan no underwear paparazzi - Google Search KR
emma watson wardrobe malfunction - Google Search UK
clipping of wardrobe malfunction - Google Search IN
OOPS NIP SLIP - BlogSearch
gotan project pervert hollywood bowl - Google Search
linsey lohan no panties picture - Yahoo Search
bijou phillips wardrobe malfunctions - Yahoo Search
nipple slip.com lindsay lohan - Google Search
natalie portman - picking wedgie - Google Search
LINSEY LOHAN EXPOSED AWARDS - Yahoo Search
gretchen moll pictures nude - Google Search ES
Angels in Chains nip slip - Google Search
picture:lindsey lohan without panties - Google Search
"my wife" bra nipple "she can't stop" - Google Search
"emmanuelle in space"+capture+watch - Google Search TR
"emma watson smoke" - Google Search FR
actress wardrobe malfunctions - Google Search CA
jessica alba ass - AltaVista Search AT
celebrity nip slips-scarlett johanssen - Yahoo Search
hermione nip slip - Google Search
"amanda bynes nip slip" video - Google Search
florida weather roach - BlogSearch
lindsay lohan cooter cannes - Google Search
how much money does emma watson make - Google Search CA
hermione "her bikini" cock - Google Search UK

Paris Cuffed - Cops Earn Pay!

You know how you're always wondering just where the hell the cops are when you are watching someone being a jackass on the freeway? Like that douchebag that cut you, and 5 other cars, off and swerved onto the off-ramp. Why wasn't a cop around to pull that idiot over? Well, it seems that the cosmos has finally aligned itself and the cops were around when Paris Hilton was driving around, erratically, and then shortly after, arrested her for a DUI. So, justice is finally served. Even though they didn't get her for releasing a terrible CD, they got her for this.

This Just In - Fag Freaks Out!

Ok, so maybe that was a little harsh headline, but it's totally true. Just look at the way this Weather"man" freaks out when he sees a roach crawling across his pants. It's just an insect? And it looks like he might be from Florida, so he should be used to all sorts of giant roaches (even flying ones). The one thing this video has got going for it is that it's pant-splittingly funny. Or maybe that's just my fat ass that split my pants. It's not a coincidence!

Action News!

I don't watch the news because it bores me to the point of slumber . . . but, maybe I should start watching FOX news. I haven't seen a fight this brutal in quite sometime . . . and it's not even scripted (like wrestling). All that's missing here is some gladiator weapons and a couple of trap-doors holding exotic feline man-eaters. And someone in a toga that would give the thumbs up/down to the winner.

Upskirt City - Firecrotch

Well, it was bound to happen eventually. Nipple slips - check. Multiple bikini sightings - check. Super-rich boyfriend man-handling you in public - check. Acting out a blowjob on film - check. Exposing your coochie for the world to see was the only natural course of action here. If this wasn't pre-meditated, then it's nature's way of balancing itself out. So, what classy spin will the Lohan's people take here? Heat exhaustion led her to forget to put some underpants on? Possible. Maybe dehydration affected her brain so much that she thought a dress made out of lampshade material would effectively cover all of her naughty bits. I wonder if she'll get an angry letter from Morgan Creek productions now telling her that her behavior is so unacceptable, the only job they have for her now is servicing the movie crew behind the soundstage. Someone give her a hand-towel. She's got a lot of work to do.

TuGMO - Roadside Assistance

This week, the Tuesday Girl Make-Out video takes itself out of the clubs and goes roadside, with a pair of "meh"-looking girls who get into it across the street from a car dealership. I know, the locale is teeming with glamour. These two girls make-out for a good 45 seconds, and the video cuts out afterwards . . . leaving you to wonder just where the night took them. I'm going to ponder that in the bathroom. It's usually frowned upon when I whip out my "pondering-stick" in public. Especially at work. Rules & Regulations . . . pfft! Go figure.

Labor of Box Office Reporting

This long weekend sees the Marky Mark underdog football bio-pic come out on top once again, with a small 15+ million. "Crank" came in at #2, proving that no amount of adrenaline boosting substances can topple Disney. "The Wicker Man" debuted with a #3 showing. Maybe Nick Cage's next inciendary-related movie will do better . . . partly because his head will be on fire. That's always good movie-watching in my opinion.

"Little Miss Sunshine" keeps opening wider and wider, making more money, but instead of climbing up the charts like the last couple of weeks, it's starting to slouch a little. It still did better than "The Illusionist", but granted, it had more screens showing it than the magic-themed movie. One suggestion to boost the proceeds of "The Illusionist" . . . make all of Jessica Biel's clothes disappear. It would be the best magic act ever. "Talladega Nights" is still performing solidly, crossing the $130 million this past weekend. Will it make it to $200? Will it help Will Ferrell achieve "Diety" status? Time will tell.

The dregs of the box office round-up start up with the only CG-animated movie currently out, "Barnyard: The Original Party Animals", which includes trans-gender bovine characters. I know, great all around family fun. "Accepted", starring that Mac-guy, will probably do better on DVD, since you probably need to be baked off of your skull to truly enjoy it. "World Trade Center" is the 2nd movie staring Nick Cage on the B.O.R. and this one might include his head on fire . . . but I think it's mostly stuck under rubble . . . which is fine with me as well. "Step Up" is about to sit this next week out, coming in at #10, and making more money than it ever deserved. Seriously America . . . $58+ million?!

Speaking of money, here is the list, with the totals (opening weekend movies don't get this) in bold yellow. Why? No idea whatsoever.

1. Invincible - $15,206,000 $37,847,000
2. Crank - $13,000,000
3. The Wicker Man - $11,720,000
4. Little Miss Sunshine - $9,725,000 $35,833,000
5. The Illusionist - $8,021,000 $12,081,000
6. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby - $7,700,000 $138,373,000
7. Barnyard: The Original Party Animals - $6,404,000 $63,593,000
8. Accepted - $5,912,000 $29,422,000
9. World Trade Center - $5,816,000 $63,702,000
10.Step Up - $5,487,000 $58,368,000

Girl Fight Fridays - Wilderness Whollop

I think this is the first chick fight I've posted that was out in the woods. The new setting is a nice change of pace . . . and while these two bitches throw punches like a girl . . . it's still a spirited fight that unfortunately gets broken up. One of the two chicks almost started riding the other one like a friggin horse. One word of advice for all chick fighters out there. Tank-tops will not always hold your breasts in. Think about that before you go out an throw down with a rival. Or not. I don't mind seeing a fighting nipple-slip from time to time.

Ray of Sunshine

I love it when customers take this course of action when contacting us via e-mail. It's almost like flipping someone the bird from a vehicle that is moving in the opposite direction. Totally spineless. I'm sure this cock-sucker wouldn't even look us in the eye if he had any beef with us in person. But, on the "internets", anyone can muster enough courage to drop a couple of "shits" here and there. That's fine though, I welcome all e-mails like this, because I get to re-post them and poke fun at these assholes.

Let's make this easy. Refund my money now, and hope I don't sue the shit out of you for ruining my computer. How the hell can it be so difficult to go from one version of your program to the newer version is beyond me. For the last 2 days my computer has been exposed to every asshole out there. When IS 2007 gets installed, I can't connect to my pop3 server to get or send e-mails. I'm not going to install this piece of shit program again to get which version I have, (you don't even know what you sold me?????), and I'm sure my registry is full of crap now. I expect my money returned immediately.

What most likely happend with Mr. Anger Mis-management here is incompatible software. People are just so scared their 300 dollar PC's are going to become infected that everytime something bad happens, they flip out and start accusing everyone but their dumbass selves. So, thank you mother-douche-bag. You just added another brick to my blog empire.