In Theaters - 8/11/06

Wide Releases

Pulse - This horror movie starring Kristen Bell looks somewhat generic, with the ghosts trying to access your sould through cable modems and apparently washing machines. I know, two things that scare the bejeebus out of me. The young cast will most likely die in succession from ugliest to prettiest, and the super-pale baddies will not prevail in the end. Not a whole lot of movies have the bad guys win these days. Oh well.

Step Up - Another urban dance movie. It seems that every six months the movie studios come out with one. This one is both Banderas-and-Alba-less, and stars a bunch of nobody's that shake their asses to urban beats. It's kinda like porno without the fucking. So, basically, pointless.

World Trade Center - My wife can't stand the trailers/commercials for this movie. I am ambivalent towards it. It's got Nicolas Cage, who can sometimes act, but then again, he also makes trash like the upcoming "Ghost Rider". This movie is directed by Oliver Stone, who if you remember, made the Sal's favorite historical bio-pic: "Alexander". So, expect the Twin Towers to start fucking each other with airplane phallic appendages sometime during the movie's running time.

What? Too soon?

Zoom - Tim Allen will do anything for a buck. Seriously. Just look at "The Santa Clause 3". Well, don't actually go watch it. That's like a crime against your eyes. But use it as an example of this rip-off of both great and crappy superhero movies. Great = "The Incredibles". Crappy = "Fantastic Four". Tim Allen's next project is drinking a cup of day old urine with a puss-wart chaser for $4.57. It won't be filmed, but you'll actually be grateful not to see it.

Limited Releases - (Synopsisesises . . . [wait, that doesn't sound right] . . . provided by Yahoo! Movies. Misuse of word pluralization and complex parenthe-bracketing. . .that's all me baby!)

Conversations With Other Women - A man (Aaron Eckhart) and a woman (Helena Bonham Carter) see each other at a wedding and recall their romantic history.

Half Nelson - An inner-city school teacher (Ryan Gosling) with a drug problem bonds with the student who discovers his secret.

House of Sand (Case de Areia) - A woman is taken to the the sand dunes of northern Brazil by her insande husband and must raise her daughter alone.

Lunacy - A young man in the 19th-century France is taken by the Marquis de Sade to an insane asylum literally run by the inmates.

Poster Boy - The gay son of a conservative U.S. senator falls for an ultra-liberal activist who debates using him for political gain.

The Trouble With Men and Women - A heartbroken Londoner takes some advice to start dating again and meets an alluring French woman.