In Theaters - 8/04/06

Wide Releases - (Animals, caves, listening and NASCAR. Sounds like one of my normal, non-filmed weekends)

Barnyard - Well, it's the start of a new month and that means that another computer generated animated movie is due. I swear, these kinds of movies were great when just Pixar was making them. I have fond memories of "Toy Story" and "Finding Nemo" but the current crop (including Pixar mind you) of movies just blow goats. Old, crusty, vd-riddled goats. The kind that just drip puss and have rotten flesh . . . which kind of reminds about the Sal's taste in women. ZING! Oooh, how you like me now sucka!

The Descent - I've read good reviews for this movie. I've seen tons of commercials for it. I've even checked out the trailer a few times (a group of hot chicks with British accents stuck in a cave . . . sweaty . . . dirty . . . who wouldn't?) but it still does not garner enough interest from me. I'll most likely get this as a rental and scare the be-jeebus out of my wife with it. You see, playing scary DVD movies for my wife = instant hide-in-my-arms action, which eventually leads to a little of "you're so brave, take me now!" action . . . and everyone involved has a happy ending.

The Night Listener - Robin Williams keeps taking dramatic roles like it's going out of style. When was the last time you saw him in a funny movie? Well, sure, he probably wasn't very funny in it, but the rest of the movie at least had you laughing a bit . . . right? I've seen a couple of movies where he "acted" quite nicely, but from the trailers for this one . . . it just seems like he's running around looking for a boy . . . that wrote something? And Toni Collete is trying to not get him to find the boy . . . because he wrote something? *Yawn*

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby - What kind of red-blooded American would I be if I didn't spend 20 bucks to see this year's funniest movie starring one of the funniest men (take that Robin Williams) ever created by this great nation. Well, for starters, I'm not a red-blooded American, but rather a brown-blooded dirty immigrant who is currently in the process of infiltrating your society in an attempt to corrupt your "culture" by replacing all English-language beer ads with Spanish-language ones. At least those are replete with hoochies in short-shorts. Trust me, it's better this way. Oh, and the movie . . . sure, I'll watch it.

Limited Releases (The ones that should make money, but rather, create cult followings. Kinda like Scientology, but without space Airliners and the ghosts of aliens trapped in Hawaiian volcanos. Unlike the Yahoo! Movies, Xenu is a dick!)

My Country, My Country - A documentary about an Iraqu medical doctor who runs as a Sunni candidate in his country's national elections.

Quinceanera - The Sundance Film Fest award winner about a Mexican-American girl, about to turn 15, who discovers she's pregnant.

Shock to the System - A gay private detective goes undercover in a conversation therapy group (wtf?) to find the person responsible for his client's death.