Tuesday, October 31, 2006

TuGMO - Pajama Party

Girls in matching pajamas. Check. Making out. Check. A little tounge action. Check. Personal lubricant & towels. I'll leave that up to you. What more can I provide for you. These two chicks are doing most of the job anyway. Contribute something to the damn party for crying out loud. But not crabs. Leave those at the free clinic.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Upskirt City - Bianca Gascoigne

So, who is this chick and why do we care about her here at BAFW enough to post up an entry dedicated to her. I'm sure that you, as I earlier today, had never heard of Bianca Gascoigne. Unless you get a satellite feed from the UK and love their reality television programming. See, Bianca is part of some show called "Love Island", which I guess has something to do with love and an island. The concept is truly avant-garde. But still, why do we care right? Not like British chicks are all that and a bag of fish & chips. The little picture below this paragraph will shed some light on why, and some light on a place where the sun don't shine much either.

Ah yes, the upskirt. Even though we have no idea just what the status of this international C-list celebrity is currently, we can't resist a good upskirt picture. And by good upskirt, we mean one with the whole vag' showing. That's why I passed on the posting of the Avril Lavigne upskirts from last week. Sure, it was a valid upskirt, and she's not horrible looking (anymore), but she was wearing underoos or something. While that may look cute (and bordeline pedophiliac), if you don't show the pink taco, you're not getting posted. That's a brand new decree here at BAWF. No bearded clams . . . no Upskirt City post. Period.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Penguin Epic

"March of the Penguins" was great and all . . . but if you thought it was missing something, and by something I mean some raunchy humor courtesy of comedians and some wacky voice-over work, then "Farce of the Penguins" is the movie you've been waiting for. Below is a link to the trailer for it, which looks to be pretty funny (if you are into this sort of stuff). I'll watch it. I think I'm one of the few people that actually enjoyed "The Aristocrats" and "Jesus is Magic", so this feels like something I can get behind (if you know what I mean . . . but not in a bestiality sort of way).

Trailer Link

You will need Quicktime to watch this. I finally can watch Quicktime trailers (most of the time) at work ever since one of the cooler IT guys hooked me up with access.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Television Imitates Life

The picture below is high-larious. I mean, look at the news anchor. Then, look at the picture of the rapist that they're reporting on. Did this guy at any point in time during the newscast do a double-take and say to himself "Wait, what the fuck? When did I start raping?" This just kind of cements the way that the police views the black man. They all look alike.

Holy shit! He's already in your house!

Search Junkie - I Needs mah Search Terms

I tried to quit cold turkey man. But the search terms . . . they call out to me. And Sitemeter is so great about telling me just what you people are always looking for. So, like a weak punk, I crawl back to it's abusive and exploitative search smack. I love you search terms. *sobs*

slither nip slip - Google Search
katherine mcphee wardrobe - Google Search
portman vendetta schoolgirl - Google Search
salma +"snake dance" +clip - Google Search UK
linsey lohan camel toe - MSN Search
basic instinct legs clip - Google Search UK
gymnast peeing - Google Search
scarlett johansson - BlogSearch
photo of kristen dunst buyt - Google Search
australia snake upskirt children funny - Google Search SE
rachel bilson nipple shot - Google Search
french gymnast peeing - Google Search
boobless emma watson - Google Search
schnoze - Google Search
anne hathaway brokeback nude wmv - Google Search
emma watson nip slip - Google Search
scarlett - BlogSearch
kate bosworth, before and after - Google Search ES
"brazilian wax" - BlogSearch
linsey lohan butt - Google Search
wardrobe malfunction photos - BlogSearch
upskirt - BlogSearch
blogs are for wusses - MSN Search UK
katherine mcphee's nipples - Google Search
rachel mcadams screencaps - Google Search FR
jennifer connely nude - Blogdigger
emma watson malfunction - Google Search AR
shaved blogurl - BlogSearch
sheer bra perversion - Google Search UK
tv upskirt no panties - BlogSearch
Eva Mendes - Naver Search
Jenny McCarthy pooped her pants - Google Search
jessica alba ass - AltaVista Search
emma watson panties - Google Search
hostel screencaps clips - Google Search
katherine mcphee sexy photo - Google Search
Olympic Nipple Slip - MSN Search
Maggie Grace nipple - Google Search NL
(Pants off) Pete Wentz-Fall Out Boy - Google Search
blingo - Technorati Search
hillbilly no underwear upskirt - Google Search AU
anne hathaway armpit hair - Google Search AU
nude men blogurl: - BlogSearch
foxnews youtube upskirt - Google Search
emma watson boob slip - Google Search
rachel mcadams oops and upskirt - Google Search
mariah carey thunder thighs - Google Search UK
Morgan Webb fhm - Google Search
panty viewing - Google Search ZA
marianna's trench - say anything music videos - Google Search CA
+ts25+cheating - Google Search CH
nsfw-clips - Google Search SE
tv presenter upskirt - MSN Search UK
emma watson caught drinking - Google Search
fully clothed pissing - BlogSearch
jaime little - Yahoo Search
"emilie de ravin" "rape scene" - Google Search
Anne Hathaway masturbate - Google Search SE
Evangeline Lilly nip - Google Search
actress see through papparazi - Google Search
new mix shit - Yahoo Seach
tara reid nip sip - Google Search
wedgie spanking - Google Search
lohan crotch shot kids choice - Google Search
footjob vma - Google Search SE
Lindsay lohan upskirt kids choice - Google Search
emma watson's thong - Google Search UK
linsey lohan accidental flash - Yahoo Search
lindsay lohan upskirt at nick kids awards - Google Search
reese whitherspoon - Google Search
linsey lohan's bare behind nude pics - Yahoo Search
anne hathaway havoc mpg - Google Search
scarlett johanssen nipple - MSN Search
lindsay lohan nipples moscow - Google Search
Emma Watson's stomach - Google Search
Sharon Stone's accident crotch shot - Google Search

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Moby - New York New York

OK, I'm officially loving Moby again. Platonically mind you. This video has some crazy dance moves, wild costume changes, and Moby break-dancing. Or someone that looks like Moby. They do wonders with computer generated effects these days. I enjoyed the video, you should as well. If you don't . . . then you're Eminem. In that case . . . what are you doing here Slim Shady? Shouldn't you be watching your "Crank Yankers" DVD's?

Corporate is teh Nuts

We're at the mercy of our higher-ups, as some of you are as well out there. It's inevitable. Unless you work for yourself, you're always going to have someone trying to tell you how to do everything . . . from dealing with customers to which religion's business management model you should adhere to. If the company I work for could regulate our breathing, I'm pretty sure they would have already done so.

So, what is precipitating this post? A little e-mail we got. I'm not going to repost it. That would not be appropriate, but I will paraphrase. The basic message is that we should support trial users on the phone. While this is a dashing and fantastic idea in theory, it really does not work in practice? Why? Because the people that use trial versions have not actually purchased the product. They have it for free.

We're not all heart-less in tech support. We do answer questions from trial users via e-mail. The thing is, in the e-mail that came trickling down all the way to us via our department heads, it says, explicitly, that we have to support the customers on the phone. We can't tell them that we will send them an e-mail to deal with the problem. ON THE PHONE. The little problem is, that, not even our regular paid clients with 1 purchased license of the product get free phone support.

After we've gotten them running properly with their trial versions, we're supposed to tell them that after they purchase the product, that they will have access to the 24/7 e-mail support service and the $19.95/incident telephone tech support. So, essentially, if they buy the product, their level of support actually decreases. I'm scratching my head as I think about the way that I'm going to break that little nugget of delicious disappointment to the customer.

As I stated in the title of this post . . . corporate is teh nuts.

HDH - Scarlett Johansson

I'm pretty sure that Scarlett Johansson has been featured in the "Hump Day Hottie" posts in the past . . . but Jeebus-be-damned, she's never been photographed just wearing an unbuttoned sweater, short-shorts and knee-high socks. Wow. My eyes have boners right now. This comes from Allure magazine, which is truly living up to it's name and provides us with this alluring image. I don't remember exactly when Scarlett went from okay looking with a slightly deep voice, to hotter than the sun with . . . but I don't care. And those all-natural breasts. You can't beat that. The slight tug of gravity. Fake boobs just don't compare with the real thing. Thank you, from the bottom of BAFW's croth, Scarlett Johansson.

*Note - I prepped this post on Monday. You don't know how much I've been waiting for Wednesday to come around to make this post schedule appropriate. This is the first Wednesday in a while that I have looked forward to.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Bush Sails the Interweb on the Computerbox

Our president is great. The video above details his prominent knowledge on the internet . . . which starts with him using "the Google" and ends with him looking at his ranch on "Google Earth" or "Google Maps". I'm not sure what he uses because he doesn't even know what he's using. He knows what he doesn't use though . . . e-mail. Our president never e-mails and doesn't receive e-mails. Because he's afraid of what he's going to get. Has this guy ever heard of spam-blockers? Just think about that America. This is who you elected to lead the world's most powerful nation. Someone who doesn't know how to use an e-mail page. Let's just hope he doesn't know how to use the button that launches the "nu-cu-lar" weapons we have.

BAWF Music Recommends

I like music. You should like the music I like. It's only natural really. Use the below to find an LCD Soundsystem (Daft Punk is playing at their house) track that lasts for 45 minutes. It was commissioned by Nike, and it's for jogging . . . I think. Who knows. I do know that is is free. So, what are you waiting for.

Click Me

I just hope where you're at there isn't a ridiculously set up firewall system that slows down the 1st quarter's worth of the download to a sub-dial-up'ish crawl (2.1 KB/sec!) before it speeds up to a more acceptable speed. The file is a good 43+ MB's in size.

TuGMO - Who Needs Witty?

Who needs witty remarks when you have hot girls making out . . . in a video format! Thank you YouTube. Now I know why Google spent over 1.6 billion dollars to buy you. While these videos are priceless, I would also settle for that amount to sell out to the internet giant. I can only imagine what I could do with 1.6 billion bucks. I mean, that's 1.6 billion Wendy's frostees right there.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Nipple-Topia - Rachel Bilson

I never watched "The OC", so I never really had the hots for this girl. Although, I do remember her from some Subway commercials . . . trying to pimp out some footlong subs. The dirty slut. Anyway, here she is, Rachel Bilson, wearing a see-trough top. With no bra underneath. God I love how completely clueless celebrities can be. It's like they're asking for it. Never in their distorted sense of reasoning does it cross their mind that maybe a flash from a camera can render their clothing translucent. So, enjoy the nipple-age. And check out this ironic shot below. You see, she's standing in front of a poster for "Garden State", a movie that the last movie she was in, "The Last Kiss" totally ripped off of. At least she's showing us her cans . . . unlike Natalie Portman. Stingy bitch. *hmph!*

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Las Vegas Confidential

1:26 AM, 10/21/06

So . . . no post about the latest movies opening today (or actually, yesterday, since today is tomorrow. Wrap your head around that doozy) because I'm in Las Vegas right now. And yes, like most other schmucks out there, I'm already down 100 bucks. But I've got a mighty buzz going.

Nickel slots didn't pan out for me, but my wife only lost 20 some bucks, and we got some 3 dollar beers at a little bar at the Rio. Right now, we're about ready to do what people in Sin City do. I'll keep this post updated throughout the weekend. Lates bitches.

12:05 PM, 10/21/06

Just got out of the Rio buffet. The Platinum one, not the one that the regular riff raff go to. 'Cause that's how I roll, you naw'm'sayin'. And, for the most part, it was pretty much run of the mill buffet food. Sure, there was a lot of it, but I feel I could have eaten the same amount and had the same quality at . . . I don't know, a Denny's? And for half the price?

I did get a snazzy shirt celebrating the event that we are attending. It's got a picture of my cousin and his soon to be wife, with the slogan right over it that reads "From Nitros to Nuptials". It's a little on the gh3y side, but at least mine was white. They had to wear baby blue versions of what the rest of the people attending this thing got.

Most of them are going to get some special treatment at the spa here at the casino. Not sure if "happy endings" are a part of it, but Heather and I are headed out to the Monte Carlo to check out some shark tank. And then to the MGM Grand to check out lions. Heather loves those animals, so it's more for her. But I do delight in seeing her have fun.

So, off we go. We have a couple of hours to kill before we meet up with the rest of the group. After that, it's more gambling, and then we're going to a club called "The Voodoo Lounge" on top of the casino. It's on the 54th floor . . . and it's going to get nipply up there.

3:21 PM, 10/21/06

We're back from our excursion to the Mandalay Bay and the MGM Grand. We first hit up the Mandalay Bay casino, because we really wanted to check out the Shark Reef attraction they had. One of the people we are hanging out with this weekend told us that it would be free, so we were pretty friggin' excited about it. We get there, and find out that it's actually $15.95/person. Being that we're not cash money millionaires (yet), we decided not to check it out but rather test our luck at gambling again.

Well, the Mandalay Bay sucks. I was up 3 bucks, but then I ended up losing 5 cents. Heather on the other hand, is down $20 bucks. So we kind of leave the place, tails between our legs, and scampered off towards the MGM Grand in search of lions. We parked at the Tropicana, were I noticed that they had $5 blackjack tables. So I thought, why not.

I was again, down about 35 bucks when my luck turned and I started getting double downs going my way and a couple of 21's. Then Heather rolled around, and instantly I get a 12. Not good. She's my blackjack kryptonite. Which is fine, because I seem to her slot-cooler (and yes, that does sound kind of dirty). She left though, sensing her bad luck coming over me, and I got a 21 right after. I decided not to temp my luck too much there, and left the table 20 dollars richer (or 80 bucks down if you count last night's losses).

We finally made it to the MGM and did get to spend some up close (with a glass wall between us) time with some lions. We even got to check out some lion cubs. They were, adorable. But, the casino wanted 200 bucks for lion cub interaction. You'd think that you'd get like 30 minutes to an hour with the cubs. You'd be wrong. That's 200 bucks for 5 minutes.

We drove back to the Rio, ate a little bit in the room (not that kind of eating . . but maybe later), and now are headed to the pool area to hang out with our friends and family.

9:24 AM, 10/23/06

I know what you must have been wondering. Jaime hit the Megabucks and is a millionaire. That's why he didn't continue the blog post. Well . . . not so much. Vegas cleaned me out. I'm going to be eating Maruchan cup of noodles for the rest of the week. The reason I didn't continue posting was just 'cause my brother had paid for 1 day's worth of internet access ($12.95!!) and he didn't want to spend another 13 bucks on that for Sunday.

No biggie really. We went to the Voodoo Lounge Saturday night for what was supposed to be a great dinner and clubbing experience. The dinner itself was 3 hours. The service was terrible. The appetizers were blah, the salads were competent, the rib eye steak was great, but by the time the desserts (delicious btw) came around, we were all too full to even look at them.

So, after that, we went up to the 51st floor for the the whole dancing portion of the night. I don't dance, but I did shake my thang up there for 20 minutes or so. Then, we needed to find a place to sit, because Heather was wearing some killer high heeled shoes. By killer, I mean they were extremely uncomfortable. Unfortunately, all the lounge areas were cordoned off. She darted under one of the cordons and sat down. I looked at the people who "owned" the area for the night and I asked if it was ok for her to sit down for a little bit. The guy gave me an "I don't know, but I think you better get her the hell out of our VIP area quick" look.

This was a bit dick-ish of them, but I can understand (but only marginally) why they would take that stance. But Heather does not see things the way I see when she's had a drink or two. She's all about loving the world and getting along with everyone, and she did try to get along with these a-holes. She tried to be amicable with them, and they even said "Oh, sure, just don't try to drink our booze" but, 5 minutes later, we had a burly security guy escort us out of their super special cordoned off area.

I would have been ok with this, but Heather is part Irish, so once her mellow is killed by this, she's up for a fist fight. She's screaming at them to fuck off, and almost starting shit with the security guard, so I have to re-direct her towards the indoors area, and we finally find a place for her to sit. By now, we're not feeling great about this club, and we're tired, so we head back to our room for the night. She's still pretty pissed about the whole deal, and I'm trying to calm her down.

We wake up Sunday morning, exhausted, and start packing so we can get the hell out of Vegas. The town has not treated us very nicely, and even though we didn't have to pay for the room at the Rio, we are down $300+ bucks. We limp down the highway to Primm, were we test our luck at some quarter machines. Twenty bucks later, we're on the road again.

Mostly uneventful driving. Saw some roadkill. Traveled at speeds ranging from 5 mph to 100 mph. The 5 mph portion of our trip happened around Victorville, where a yellow Nissan 350z somehow managed to get demolished. I really hope that they had a good car insurance carrier. We got home, finally, 4 1/2 hours after leaving Vegas, and crashed on our couch, catching up on missed television.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Girl Fight Friday - Phillipine-Punch-Out

I don't know what these chicks are fighting about. First of all, they barely speak English. 2nd of all . . . do I even care? I just want to see a fight. The dirtier the better. One of those Asian chicks should have started donkey-punching another one . . . or maybe given one a dirty Sanchez. Oh wait, I'm thinking about another kind of dirty. Ignore that little bit of perversion, and enjoy this little knock-down dust up.

Tyra Banks = WTF

You will watch this video. It's inevitable. And after you watch this video, you will sit in front of your computer, trying to make sense out of life. Because it is that life-changing. It's like a paradoxical-dichotomy wrapped in a paradigm shift that is sprinkled with a dash of self-realization.

Yes, I know, that's some deep shit. And what is this all about? Vase-fuckin-line. Tyra . . . You've blown my mind once again with your "fierceness".

Thursday, October 19, 2006

The Amazing Disappearing Bosworth

This is how I will always remember Kate Bosworth. Taut body, pretty smile, sparkling eyes. *sigh* If you've seen pictures of her recently, you know that she's currently in a competition to lose as much weight as possible. Who is she competing with? Possibly Nicole Ritchie. Who knows. She just looks terrible now. And if you haven't seen her recently and you are entertaining the thought that "maybe she's not looking that terrible", let me shine a little light on the situation.

This is Kate Bosworth now. She looks like she's auditioning for the sequel to "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" that is currently casting only in her damaged (and most likely starving) psyche. Someone hand this girl a piece of toast and some orange juice. Maybe this is a direct result of dating Orlando Bloom. He probably called her a fatty all the time and it just fucked her up so much that she just won't eat . . . or vomits a lot.

Oh well, no matter how skinny she gets, the first image will always hold a special place in my groin. Where did you think it would be? My heart? LOL. You sappy bitch.

Sexy to Un-Sexy . . . en Francais

I've been posting a steady stream of hot material here on BAFW for the past few days. I think it's time I change it up a bit. I don't want to get stuck in a rut. A sexy rut. So, here's a little music video I found today on YouTube that kind of baffled me a little bit. See, I was not aware that "Prison Break" was so big in France. So big in fact that the show is dubbed (who could read French subtitles anyway) and even has a hit song tied to it. A French rap song. And here it is, in all it's glory, or lack-there-of.

The "artist" goes by the gangsta-moniker of Faf Larage, and the "song" is called "Pas Le Temps". You can tell from the opening synthesizer riff that this song is going to corner you in the showers and make you drop your soap. Because it is gay like that. Prison gay. Be prepared to write up an apology to your ears.

Nipple-Topia - Mischa Barton Revisited

I have to say . . . BAWF has gotten a little bit on the sexy side this week. What with the "bra & panty" chicks making out, the Canadian moose-knuckle pictures, and now this. Now, sure, Mischa Barton looks a tad on the ridiculous side for going around wearing tartan gift-wrap as a skirt (complete with bow), but that incredibly sheer tank-top makes up for it. Word of advice for Mischa . . . if you're going to be shopping in the frozen foods section, make sure the fabric in charge of covering your (boney) chest pillows is a little less on the translucent side. Otherwise, you're just giving us internet bloggers more fodder to fuel the ridiculing machine.

That, and if you keep this up, you'll never get that Mother Teresa role in the movie that you've always wanted to make. You're already boney like her. Now, you just have to cut down on the slutty, and you'd be perfect.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

HDH - Grace Park

Grace Park spends a lot of time looking dirty, tired, and beat-up while on my new favorite sci-fi show "Battlestar Galactica". But, even though she's got the grimy make-up, she still looks pretty damn good. Specially if you throw her into a Maxim spread (picture below), then you've got yourself a hottie that is hump-worthy in the eyes of BAWF. And sure, I'm way past my whole "yellow-fever" phase of attraction, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate the good looks that Grace Park has. And she's part of the cast of a great television show that everyone (not just nerds) should be watching. I don't know what else she's worked on, but it doesn't matter, does it? She's got this great entry in her acting resume, and should pretty much blank out anything before this and just say "Hey, I was that hot Cylon chick on that Battlestar show". That should get her an acting gig anywhere.
Or she could just slip them this picture. You know, whatever works.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Canadian Moose Knuckle

Not a whole lot of great stuff comes from our neighbor to the north. Sure, maple syrup and hockey are aight. I guess it was finally time that they redeemed themselves . . . by giving us their version of the Camel-Toe . . . the mighty Moose Knuckle. So, thank you Canada. You've just bought yourself some time until the United States decides to "annex" you and make you our 51st state. Don't worry, Puerto Rico won't take that spot. That's our "back-burner-bitch" colony.

TuGMO - Bras & Panties

*sigh* There's nothing better than a couple of hot blonde girls making out in their bras and panties. Sure, nothing is shown, and it's pretty much a 40 second tease of things to come, but I think it works. It engages your imagination when you try to think just how far these girls will go. Will they just kiss and snuggle and maybe play with each other's nipples . . . or will they be whipping out the double-ended latex donger and get it on "Requiem for a Dream" style. Who knows. The only thing I am sure of is that this is hot, and that these types of videos are what "TuGMO" was invented for.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Box Office has a Grudge . . . Again

Let's face it. It's October. That's pretty much why "The Grudge 2" made as much money as it did this past weekend. Nevermind that the movie sounds as retarded as . . . say, a third Bill & Ted movie . . . and the director hasn't really made anything other than Grudge movies . . . but you people just love your PG13'y scares. The better movie that was in theaters this weekend ended up taking the #poop position. Sorry lovers of cinematic drama. "Man of the Year", the "what if our President was intentionally trying to be funny" movie comes in 3rd.

The rest of the movies are kind of forgettable. "The Marine", WWE's newest release did so-so in its first weekend. "Employee of the Month", Dane Cook's latest attention-whore-off isn't doing so well in the #8 position. But that number matches Jessica Simpson's IQ score. So, umm . . . hooray for that? Looks like Jackass is almost done grossing out America this week. But, don't worry, it should be ready to gross you out on DVD in about 3 months.

The list and money are below.

1. The Grudge 2 - $22,000,000
2. The Departed - $18,675,000 $56,626,000
3. Man of the Year - $12,550,000
4. Open Season - $11,000,000 $59,154,000
5. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning - $7,750,000 $30,457,000
6. The Marine - $7,000,000
7. The Guardian - $5,853,000 $41,119,000
8. Employee of the Month - $5,600,000 $19,910,000
9. One Night with the King - $4,326,000
10.Jackass: Number Two - $3,334,000 $68,383,000

Friday, October 13, 2006

Lohan's Packin'

I really don't understand just what the hell is going on with this picture. I'm not even going to go into the outfit, which boggles the mind in a totally different way. I'm pretty much interested in the insert and why it looks like Lindsay Lohan has a pair of testicles tucked into her panties. Or maybe a banana. Or a recently adopted African baby (So hot right now. I needs me an African infant).

Or, maybe she's just gone through all of Los Angeles's men and has resorted to just using a remote controlled vibrator she neatly tucks into her knickers. Anything is possible with Lohan.

Girl Fight Friday - Better than HBO?

Well, that's a heady claim. Sure, the fight was quite entertaining, but the camera work was all shaky and the production values were . . . well . . . poor. This is YouTube after all. So, "better than HBO"? Not really. Fun violence on a Friday afternoon? Definately.

BAWF's "Ass ID"

We've (me, myself, and the monkey on my back) decided to change the name of the feature that ran last week called "Name that Ass" to "Ass ID". Why? I don't know. But let's get to analizing the ass in question. Looks like tight jeans, high-heels, green top and a floofy looking hat. Who could it be? Mischa Barton? One of the Hilton slu . . . er, I mean, sisters? One of those "stars" from "Dancing with the Stars"? I'll let you inspect the ass for a few more sentences so I can build up the suspense.

Ok, enough of that. Let's ID that ass.

It's Micheal Jackson! It's happened. His transformation from poor black child to old white woman is complete. Oh, and you're welcome for making you vomit all over your keyboard.

Opening Weekend Moving Pictures

Wide Releases

The Grudge 2 - I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that the Japanese director bringing us this sequel is just remaking the sequel of the original "Grudge" movie, and since he had already redone the first one, this makes 4 "Grudge" movies for him. Maybe he's got himself a personal grudge with originality. So, what's new in this one? Not much. Vengeful spirits do what they do best. Scare people shitless in a series of PG-13 scares.

Man of the Year - I don't get Robin Williams when he's trying to be funny. In fact, I don't get people who think Robin Williams has been funny, at all, in the last 15-20 years. Sure, he was pretty amusing when he first hit the comedy scene . . . but now? Please, someone slip him some Riddilin (sp?). This movie is billed as a bit of a comedy about a talk-show host that somehow wins a presidential election. So, it's basically a "Twilight Zone" episode without the smarts. I guess that would make it an "Outer Limits" episode.

The Marine - WWE must have made some money with their last cinematic outing, because here's another one, staring John Cena and he plays a . . . marine. The depth of this movie rivals the Marianna's Trench. Aslo starring is the hot chick from "Nip/Tuck" whose name sounds a lot like that one "American Idol" contestant. Also in this movie is the model T1000 terminator . . . who's looking a little hagard these days. Explosions, car chases and gun fights also star in this movie.

One Night With the King
- What? They made a movie about me? Oh, wait, this one's about the king of Persia, Xerxes. Pfft. A movie about one night with me would be much more exciting. You could see the varied cool things that I do. Everything from snacking . . . to sitting on my couch watching TiVo'd programming . . . to playing X BOX 360. I know, you want to pay me 10 bucks already.

Limited Releases - You know, fuck that indie horseshit. There's like 10 of them coming out this weekend, and I don't have the energy to copy/paste all of their little synopsi. So, the only two you need to know about are below.

Infamous - Yeah, it's another Truman Capote movie . . . but this one is better than the last. It's one year too late and has Sandra Bullock in it . . . but that's only two strikes. On the third pitch, this movie hits it out of the park with a better story than "Capote" had and an even more flamboyant sounding Capote character.

Tideland - Terry Gilliam has made some great movies. Mostly starring midgets and his old Monty Python friends. The last one he made was a so-so kinda boring movie. That whole "Brothers Grimm" looked like someone was trying to make a Gilliam movie. I hope that this new one gets him back on form, and gets him enough money to finally finish up that Don Quixote movie he had Johnny Depp starring in.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

HDH - Alessandra Ambrosio

I don't really know who Alessandra Ambrosio is . . . but since I missed yesterday's "Hump Day Hottie" post, I feel an obligation to provide you with a picture of a pretty lady for you to salivate over. Alessandra Ambrosio definately fills out that need pretty well. Especially in this picture. And this one so you can see a little bit of the back.

Grindhouse Trailer

So, how's about a little cinematic ass-kicking to brighten up your morning. I thought that would wake you up a little better than your daily cup of Folger's. So, the latest Tarantino-Rodriguez collaboration is due in a few months, and judging from the trailer . . . it's gonna kick some major deriere. I mean, when you have a stripper that has an M-16 for a leg, you can't go wrong (even if it's that slightly pig-nosed Rose McGowan). They even threw in some glimpses of one of the fake trailers they will be running before the movie. "Machete" looks great already, and I would definately want to see that as a movie of its own. Danny Trejo is terribly underappreciated acting gold. And movies are sorely missing motorcycles with mini-guns on them. That's just my personal opinion though. Watch the trailer. Your eyes will be in love with you if you do.

Search Terms - Motions

Sometimes, I feel like I'm just going through the motions on this blog. I have my daily things that I do here (which I might not actually post . . . so sorry HDH post). Like the weekly Search Term post. I do this every week, and while it is very interesting to know just what you people look for when you end up on my little bit of web real estate, it is starting to border on tedium. So, this might be the last one of these for a while. I will miss the weekly reminder that there are people out there actively wanting to masturbate to images of a 16 year old actress. Or people that are fascinated by Lindsay Lohan's shaved vagina pictures. Or even Fergie's stained underwear. You people are the princes of perversion, the kings of kink. Even though I won't be paying all that much attention to you for the coming weeks . . . know this . . . I know you're out there. And I know you're navigating the interweb with one hand on your mouse, and another hand on . . . well . . . let's just call it your joystick.

This week's batch of fresh perversion is below. Avert your children's eyes. Or let them see, whatever. They're bound to find out about this eventually.

Lily Allen Upskirt - Google Search UK
Lindsay Lohan: Hindenburg - MSN Search CA
amanda bynes nipslip - Google Search
lindsay lohan upskirt nip slip - Google Search
alice from snorgtees - Google Search
exposed at Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards - Google Search
nipple slip.com - Google Search CA
lohan beaver - BlogSearch
fully exposed boobs of scarlett johanssen - Google Search IN
maggie grace nipple - Google Search
survivor oops upskirt - Google Search
celebrity upskirt - BlogSearch
lindsay lohan 2006 kids choice video butt - Google Search
"cortana hentai" - Google Search
dealing with uncourteous people - Google Search
"emma watson smoke" - Google Search
fergie stained underwear - MSN Search
nude lindsay lohan - Google Search CA
lindsay lohan boat oop's ifilm - Google Search
Lohan Nickelodeon slip - Google Search
katharine mcphee nipple - Google Search
catherine mcphee panties - Google Search
morgan webb nip - Google Search
she's the man screencaps - Google Search
stone+legs+clip+basic+instinct - Google Search IN
fhm "morgan webb" - Google Search
sexy photo - BlogSearch
sharon stone - Google Search
lindsay lohan no panty oops - Google Search
pissing drunk - AltaVista Search
salma hayek pictures - BlogSearch
maggie grace blogurl:bloggedjaime.blogspot.com - BlogSearch
french gymnast pees herself during contest - Google Search DE
jessica alba ass - AltaVista Search
"Emmanuelle in Space" clip - Google Search
morgan webb fhm maxim - Google Search
Evangeline Lilly - BlogSearch
nipslip emma watson - Google Search IN
katharine mcphee butt - Google Search
fergie pissing herself - Yahoo Search
v for vendetta schoolgirl photos - Google Search
val kilmer - BlogSearch
X-Men 3 Hate It - Google Search
Tyler perry's madea vocabulary - Google Search
"Ana de la Reguera" slip - Google Search PT
kristen bell upskirt - Google Search
pictures of emma watson showing underwear - Google Search
emma watson legs - Google Search CZ
"kirsten dunst" .mpeg "marie antoinette" - Google Search
kristin two-a-days panty shot - Google Search
fox news upskirt - Google Search
AnneHathaway 2.mpg - Google Search UK
gmail "yellow envelope" groups - Google Search
stomach sucktion - Google Search CA
daniel radcliffe's nipple - Google Search
muff blogs - AltaVista Search
Maggie Gyllenhaal masturbating - BlogSearch
girl kissing - BlogSearch
jennifer morrison nipple slips - MSN Search
deviant .com talk show nipple slip - Netscape Search
pants.wmv - Google Search
emma watson exposed pictures - Google Search IN
beaver slip - BlogSearch
"gwyneth paltrow" and "nipple slip" - Google Search
"lily allen" boobs - BlogSearch
mexican chick - AltaVista Search
"butter scene" torrent - Google Search
olympics 2006 nipple slip - Google Search
nipple slip of blackwoman - BellSouth Web Search
american idol nip slip - Google Search
after the french gymnast pee? - Google Search
hermione +gagfactor - Google Search DE
olympic nip slips - Google Search AU
"Hathaway masturbate" - Google Search DE
"the hills have eyes" "sexy pictures" - Google Search UK
"exposed butt" +underwear +men - Google Search DK
eva mendes camel toe - Google Search CA
"emma watson" open leg panty - Google Search AR
emma watson drunk - BlogSearch
"anna farris" bikini pics - Google Search DK
Emma Watson's bra size - Netscape Search
my wife's nip slip photos - Google Search UK

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

TuGMO - IHOP Hook-Up

There's two things I love. Chicks making out with each other, and the International House of Pancakes. This video, thankfully, has both . . . or at least is set at an IHOP. Sadly, no pancakes were filmed. I think I would have blown a maple syrup'y load if these two chicks had been rolling around on some pancakes with fresh compote on their nipples. Wow . . . I think my stomach has a hard on now. Enjoy the video.


My wife and I were returning home after getting lunch at the Olive Garden yesterday (gotta love the soup/salad/breadsticks deal). We were in Glendale at the time, hoping to get out of that shit-hole of a town as soon as possible. While sitting there, car idling, waiting for traffic to move, out of nowhere a van slams into the back of our car and gives us a heavy jolt.

The guy driving the van gets out and asks if we are ok, and I tell him that we should move the cars into the Gold's Gym parking lot directly to the left of us to get out of the way of the traffic. We do so, and then I notice that we've been hit by a City of Glendale Parks & Recreation van. He immediately calls his supervisor and then the police so they can get an accident report. Which is fine by me. That moron rear-ended me. I want this to be done right.

So we sit around and wait for the cops to come around. A woman office shows up and starts taking down all of the information. She looks at both vehicles, fills out the forms, takes statements of what happened. My car didn't seem like it was all that banged up. Some scratches on the rear bumper, and it's not fitting as perfectly as it did before. I did notice some clicking/chirping afterwards though.

So, after the guy takes off in his City of Glendale van, it's just the cop, my wife, and I. I am standing next to the cop, waiting for her to finish up her report. I hear the radio going off about some code 4. I figure that, since I'm not a criminal, I can ask the cop about that and not get a night-stick to the side of my head. I was almost right. Here's how that went.
"Officer, what's a code 4?"
"What. What do you mean?"
"Oh, heard that on your little radio there. It said 'code 4'. I was curious".
"Why" (with a bit of a stern tone).
"I'm sorry. I was just curious."
"It means no assistance needed."
She looked visibly annoyed by my attempt at small talk. I could feel my wife pinching the side of my leg to get me to stop talking. I guess she could tell that the officer was not having any of my conversation attempt. So, I shut up. I didn't need to add the pain of getting clubbed to the whiplash I was (and still am) feeling.

So, moral of the story. Stay out of Glendale. And if you are in Glendale, don't talk to the cops. And yes, I am planning of suing the City of Glendale. Talking to some lawyers right now. See what my best options are.

Paris Weed-Slip

Paris Hilton is not known for slipping anything other than her tits/cooter/butt . . . so, when she lets something else slip out, that's news. And just what has she unleashed upon the masses this time? Pot. The cheeba. Wacky Tabacc-key. Paris Hilton enjoys smoking the pot. From the amount of pot in her bag, it looks like she likes to wake & bake. The picture below was taken during some sort of fashion show (how many fashion shows can you go to before you realize that they're all the same), and seen within her purse is a rather sizeable amount of weed. Looks like an 1/8th . . . but don't ask me why I know this. Just trust me okay. I don't want to have to piss in a cup to prove it to you.

This is kind of weird. I was expecting, if Paris were ever to be found with drugs, that it would be something like meth or cocaine. Weed's kind of like a munchie-inducing drug, which makes no sense since Paris is still thin as an Auschwitz survivor. But, maybe it's her "gateway" drug. It does explain that whole ditzy act she's got going on.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Girl Fight Friday - Prelude to a Throw Down?

This video is long. Almost 6 minutes. But I love what these two bitches are arguing about. There is so much drama in this little movie, and the dudes hanging around these bitches just want to diffuse the situation by throwing liquor on the hos. It almost comes down to blows in the first minute or so, but then . . . nothing. Much like what was going on in this blog all of last week. Nothing. So, it's almost like an allegory. I'm sure there's a moral to the story somewhere here, but all of these rum and cokes are making my head all spinny . . . and don't you fucking tell me that I was crying, ok! I MISS MY MOM! Jeebus, I'm never inviting any of you punks on my own personal mind-spring-break. *Runs away sobbing*

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Search Terms - Hiatus' Can't Stop da Search

You didn't see one of these last week because I was on vacation. Now that I am back, I feel obligated (but not contractually) to post this up again. It seems you were all quite busy, looking (and most likely still looking) for perverted and lascivious things on the internets. And rightly so, what else was this silly interweb contraption made for, right? Where else can you readily find pictures of Lindsay Lohan flashing her naked cooter to the world. Or pictures of children getting wedgies . . . wait, why do you want to see that? I understand the naked Cortana pictures (you are an uber-fanboy), but children getting their underpants pulled into their buttcracks? What the fuck is wrong with you??

Shame shame, I know your IP address.

Lindsay Lohan accidentally moons audience at Kid's Choice Awards - Google Search
Lindsay Lohan-Kids Choice Awards 2006 oops - Google Search
lohan vma crotch shot - Google Search
lindsay lohan oops nickelodeon picture - Google Search
nickelodeon lindsay lohan butt shot - Google Search
lindsay lohan moons audience - Google Search
sharon stone basic instinct photo spread - Google Search
alba ass - AltaVista Search
Katherine McPhee slip - Google Search
sharon stone paparazzi no underwear - Google Search UK
linsey lohan latest upskirt pictures - MSN Search UK
ciera singer hermaphrodite - Google Search
daniel radcliffe cock - BlogSearch FR
emma watson oops upskirt - Google Search
wife's nipslip - Google Search
cortana hentai - Google Search
"morgan webb" fhm - Google Search
splooge on Hermione - Google Search UK
lily allen upskirt - Google Search UK
gymnast oops photos - BlogSearch
amanda bynes nip slip - Google Search
Abi Titmuss upskirt - BlogSearch
fergie nip slip - Google Search
gretchen moll naked pics - Google Search CA
rachel weisz nude - BlogSearch
no panties - BlogSearch
nightclub panty shots - Google Search
Bigbutt Wedgie Gymnast - Google Search
ciera transvestite - Google Search UK
natalie portman schoolgirl outfit v for vendetta pictures - Google Search
Shawn Ashmore's past - Google Search
gymnast peeing french - Google Search
"smell my period" - Google Search
nip slip underage - Google Search
yoga "club dread" stomach - Google Search
emma watson naked - Google Search
linsey lohan beaver shot - MSN Search
evangeline lilly wardrobe malfunction - Google Search CA
lohan car panties - Google Search
emma watson panties - Google Search NL
Katharine McPhee sexy photos - Google Search
"falling out of dress" - Google Search
eva longoria camel toe - DogPile Search
emma watson nipslip - Google Search BE
emilie de ravin nip slip - Google Search
Bijou Phillips nude pics - BlogSearch
morgan webb slip - Google Search
Katharine McPhee paparazzi nipple slip - Google Search
pictures of val kilmer nuzzling paris hilton boobs - Google Search PH
+yesadvertising +blog - Google Search TW
lindsay lohan shaven - Google Search NL
linsey lohan nipple - MSN Search
butt slips - Google Search MY
Kristen Bell upskirt - Google Search IT
Anne Hathaway+nip - Google Search
"panty slip" - Google Search AU
presenters nip slip - Google Search UK
Rachel mcadams wmv - Google Search
accidental boob sightings - Google Search CA
gymnastics wardrobe malfunctions - Google Search
nipple slip scene of salma hayek - Google Search IN
kelly search.nl - Google Search FR
tv nipslip morgan - Google Search CA
Ana De La Reguera nipple - Yahoo Search
gymnast cameltoe - BlogSearch NL
Cameron Diaz - BlogSearch
frosty machines phillipines - Google Search
emma watson's feet - Google Search UK
tv presenter upskirt forgot panties - Google Search UK
bumu boots - Google Search
nudepicture - MSN Search
"prussian blue" "jimmy kimmel" - Yahoo Search
Comcast pissing - Technorati Search
nude cortana - Google Search
Children Getting wedgie - Images - Google Search
sex scene underworld .mpg - Google Search
hate brett ratner - Google Search
cameron diaz video - BlogSearch
evangeline lilly photos - Google Search
Fergie's Wardrobe Malfunction - Google Search
ashanti thunder thighs - Google Search CA
i hate x-men 3 - Google Search
emilie de ravin naked nip slip - Google Search
Rhada Mitchell tits - Google Search DE

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

When Does A Republican Turn Democrat?

I guess all you need to do to change party lines is cyber-sex it up with a bunch of underage boys. Or, you could just let "The O'Reilly Factor" do it for you on FOX News. Seems they might have made a small mistake when they ran the graphic above, that clearly shows the Republican Congressman as a Democrat. Oops. What are they trying to say? Democrats love cyber-sex with underage boys? Maybe they also dabble in a little bit of that there necrophilia. Or maybe that Dem's are all just lousy, dirty, and disreputable people. So much so, that they just decided to make one of them, one of us, by way of his improper conduct online.

Even the black dude behind him is wondering why this rich white man is suddenly a Democrat.

HDH - Eva Mendes

I heard somewhere that it was Hispanic Heritage month, or Spic Appreciation month . . . or something like that. And before I get the hate mail about "Spic", you should know that I am one, so I can say it. Just like black people can say "nigger" without any repercussions. And before you send me hate mail about that, remember that I was trying to make a point. So, back to Eva Mendes. She's not bad looking. She's got a fairly nicely shaped badonkadonk and she doesn't look as maid-ish as Jennifer Lopez. It's also a nice wallpaper. Somewhat reminiscent as those Jessica Alba panties pictures.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Hentai = The Way Things Should Be

You know, women could learn a thing or two from Hentai (japanese porno cartoons). I mean, just look at the video above. That animated cartoon girl knows exactly what she wants. Why can't women be like this. Knowing just what a woman wants is like trying to decypher Egyptian heiroglyphics. And they don't tell you what they want out-right. They want you to somehow read their minds, pick up on clues, and anticipate things because that's their idea of "romance". It's more like a gameshow on FOX. Anyway, this is from a hentai feature called "Bible Black" . . . and that's all I know about it. You can find more videos over at YouTube.

Nipple-Topia - Cameron Diaz

Cameron Diaz hates the papparazzi. I don't know if you saw the thing with her and Justin Timberlake almost getting into a fight with a papparazo's car. And she's pretty uptight about her privacy. A year or so ago, some guy surfaced with a Cameron Diaz video of her topless or something and her lawyers jumped all over it. So, I think it's rightful vindication that the papparazzi press has finally scored pictures of the actress they can rightfully claim as their own. You can head over to The Egotastic for the entire set, but here are the ones that really matter. One where you can see her face and identify her, and the one below where you can see the toplessness of the actress (yes, toplessness is now a word).

TuGMO - Upping the Bar

This week's "Tuesday Girl MakeOut", or TuGMO for short, ups the ante a little bit, and we have the Swedes to thank for that. Not only do they provide us with an ample supply of meatballs and modular furniture, they are also giving us the gift of girls making out with other girls. Girls spanking the asses of other girls. Girls giving each other lapdances. Girls with tig ol' bitties rubbing them up against other tig ol' bitties. This video has everything, and I'm afraid that by posting this now, I will have shot my virtual wad and all future videos will not be able to hold a candle, or double-ended dildo, to this one. So, enjoy this. And yes, access to YouTube has been restored at work. Don't ask me how/why and when it will stop again. I don't want it to get jinx'ed.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Box Office Report Gets Punk'd

Wow, what a weekend. I go on vacation and this happens. Two movies starring Ashton Kutcher dominating the top ten list. Maybe he sprinkled some of that Kabbalah holy water on something and wished really hard . . . or Demi Moore has some pull on who goes to which movies. In any case, this is unprecendented . . . and I hope it never happens again. Movie #3 on this list is "Jackass: Number Two", which did some nice work in keeping the John "Napoloen Dynamite" Heder crapfest "School for Scoundrels" from making it to the top 3. Good job Knoxville. Now, drop off a bag of burning poop over at Ashton & Demi's mansion.

Fifth in line on the list is Jet Li's "Fearless", which still begs the question. Does he own it? Or is he the one who is fearless. I'm afraid . . . the world will never know. The Rock's "Gridiron Gang" (he IS a Gridiron Gang) tackles some unsuspecting viewers and shakes them down for their cash without getting set to juvie. "The Illusionist" keeps making small amounts of money disappear from the ATM cards of the American populace. I haven't watched this yet, but it looks mildly entertaining. It would be wildly entertaining if Jessica Biel were to get all of her Victorian-era garb disappeared . . . but that's just a movie that plays in my head.

"Flyboys" is starting to sputter, and may need to ditch in a field or the ocean, exploding Zeppelins be damned! "The Black Dahlia" keeps getting sliced in cineplexes, but is not garnering the attention that it should. You know what it needs? Ashton Kutcher . . . playing the Black Dahlia role! "Little Miss Sunshine" rounds out the top 10, proving that one can make a movie for little, and have it gross a lot. Go indie film-makers. Sell out!

Numbers below. Why? Because everyone loves numbers.

1. Open Season - $23,000,000
2. The Guardian - $17,667,000
3. Jackass: Number Two - $14,010,000; $51,452,000
4. School for Scoundrels - $9,109,000
5. Jet Li's Fearless - $4,702,000; $17,785,000
6. Gridiron Gang - $4,500,000; $33,177,000
7. The Illusionist - $2,845,000; $31,488,000
8. Flyboys - $2,320,000; $9,915,000
9. The Black Dahlia - $2,069,000; $20,683,000
10.Little Miss Sunshine - $2,020,000; $53,162,000

Name That Ass

We're going to play a little game here. I don't think this will become a regular feature, but here it is anyway. As you can see from the title of the post, you're going to be asked to identify an ass. Not a donkey . . . althought that would narrow it down to just one famous donkey - Eeyore. So, here is the ass in question.

Now, resist the urge to scroll down all the way to bottom (all couple of inches) of this post to see who that is. Use the clues that you can gather from the picture. You know she's white, tends to wear dresses that lead to either flashes or nip-slips, and is a tad on the whorish side. So whorish in fact that you might want to dip your mouse in bleach after you're done with this post. Made your choice? Here goes nothing.

Yes, Paris Hilton does it again. It's like class just drips from every pore with her. Or, actually, it just drips from her ass like diarreah after a nice anal reaming. Yes, that's the picture of grace and demureness I've come to expect from Paris Hilton. Fart in a mitten indeed.

Prodigal Blogger Returns

I'm pretty sure no one missed me while I was gone. I know I wasn't particularly itching to blog my vacation adventures, so it was a nice break from the blogging monotony that can permeate things that become routine. But, now I'm back, in the office, and I found a little time to goof off. So, what have I been up to all week long?

Nothing. I was planning on using my vacation time to travel and interview at prospective job opportunities, but that fell through. Which left me with the only alternative available. Sit on the couch and play Call of Duty 2 on the XBOX 360. Which is great and all, but it doesn't secure any financial stability. This whole week was pretty relaxing though, and I find myself at work not wanting to kill anyone . . . yet.

The wife, dog and I went camping as well this past week. Yeah, roughing it out in the wilderness. Originally, we planned on staying a max of 2 nights out there. We got enough food, a tent, some sleeping bags and blankets, and shoved everything in my Mazda 3 (and, amazingly enough, it all fit) and made the 36'ish mile trip up Angeles Crest Highway to a slightly out of the way campsite called Buckhorn. I only say out of the way because there are no signs pointing to it. You just drive to a small road that off-shoots off the main road. If you miss it, you miss the campsite.

We set up our camp and paid the $12 for the night. Took a hike to tire out the dog who had spent most of the time since we got there whining. Then, we found firewood, splashed some lantern fuel on the wood, and lit it. Which was kind of funny because Heather thought she would light it for us. I had no idea (and neither did she) that the accelerant would work quite as well as it did, so when she lowered down to light it with a match, a rather large mushroom-cloud made of file "fwooshed!" up and almost knocked her on her ass. She didn't suffer any burns, which was fortunate.

Night finally came, and we crawled into the tent. All of us. Including the dog. Which was fine up until we started to smell him. In case you don't know, hounds usually smell worse than your regular dog. And since my dog spends most of his days under a shed, he smells like the inside of a vaccuum cleaner. Anyway, this was not the main reason we decided to cut our camping trip short. The main reason was the fact that we didn't have the forsight to pack any cushioning material. All we had was sleeping bags and the thin material the tent is made out of between us and the ground. Sleeping was extremely uncomfortable, so around 5 AM the next morning, we were up already and ready to get the hell back to civilization (or a mattress, whichever we could get to first).

That was the extent of our "out-of-town" activities. There were a couple of other things we did. A couple of baby showers, some time with the parental units, and a lot of shopping for a couple of weddings that are happening in the next couple of months. So, yeah . . . umm . . . what'd I miss?
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