Friday, July 28, 2006
The Ant Bully - Legendary pictures is releasing this movie. I have no idea where this production company came from, but they have been putting out a lot of movies lately . . . and here at BAFW . . . we like things that put out. This CG animated movie hopes to cash in on the parents and kids crowd this weekend who have already seen PotC:DMC (if you don't know what that stands for . . . then you need to walk the plank, arrRR!). But, will it make "Shrek" bank or will it make a miniscule ant-hill of a profit . . . who knows. I'm not all that interested in this. So, I'll be skipping this movie.
John Tucker Must Die - The only thing I know about this particular movie is that some dude is dating 3 chicks at the same time. Why he must die because of that is a mystery to me. Who wouldn't want to do this? I'm not entirely sure if he's actually banging these broads, but since it's a high school themed movie, I'm going to guess that's a big no. Expect to see a buncha teeny-boppers running in and out of this movie. Kids eat this stuff up like Amanda Bynes's feces.
Miami Vice - I'm not sure if I'm ready for a remake of the "classic" 80's television series . . . but it is Micheal Mann . . . the "Mann" (haha, get it) responsible for "Heat" and "Collateral", a couple of great movies that I enjoyed. I keep hearing great things about this on the radio, but those commercials always skew towards the positive. So, this one at least piques my interest as opposed to the other two wide releases. It might be good . . . who knows. Go watch it and let me know.
Limited Releases (Synopsis for each provided by the always helpful Yahoo! Movies page . . . Sidenote provided by the always helpful Jaime! Brain)
America: Freedom to Fascism - A documentary about hoe the government is implementing new surveillance technology and its effects on civil liberties.
Another Gay Movie - A spoof on teen comedies where the four best friends looking for action before going off to college are all gay. *Sidenote - I hear the Sal has purchased his tickets for this already. The Sal loves the Cox!
Brothers of the Head - A set of conjoined twins in the 70s are picked by a music promoter for a boy band, but instead become punk rock legends.
Darshan, The Embrace - A documentary about Amma, one of India's most famous "Mahatmas" or spiritual guides, traveling with her inner circle.
I Like Killing Flies - A documentary about Shopsin's, a tiny family-owned Greenwhich Village establishment that has become a local institution.
Little Miss Sunshine - A family hits the road so their young daughter can compete in a beauty contest. Starring Greg Kinnear and Steve Carell. Sidenote - This, I actually want to see.
Scoop - An American student (Scarlett Johansson) pursues a nobleman (Hugh Jackman) who may be a killer. Directed by Woody Allen. Sidenote - Hummuna-hummuna-hummuna. Scarlett Johansson keeps making Woody Allen movies. I wonder why he loves her "acting" so much, she's totally not his adopted daughter.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Daniel Radcliffe, the 17-year-old star of the hugely popular "Harry Potter" movies, will play the role of an emotionally disturbed boy who takes off his clothes and blinds horses in a London revival of Peter Shaffer's drama "Equus," The Post has learned.So, all you Hairy Pooter lovers out there, start lining up for your chance to see underage boys doing things to horses you only see in Dutch inter-species erotica.
On a sidenote, Darwinism will not let these kids make it past their 17th birthday. I mean, look at what they're doing now. The legal drinking age in England is 16 right? Just imagine what will happen when they add booze to the mix. Whatever happens, I'm sure I'll get to see it on YouTube.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
*Addendum - If you are still in denial and think that People Magazine are a bunch of poopy-pants's for helping out your favorite closeted queer, then check out the Associated Press's article on the MSN website.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Monday, July 24, 2006
You better fix this problem ASAP If you don't fix this I will contact the federal trade commision and the BBB. fix it now!!!What are we supposed to fix? Usually, when a client e-mails they will at least give us a small nugget of information to get us going in the right direction. This one, on the other hand, has opted to take the mysterious route to tech support. Like sending us an ambiguous threat letter is going to help fix the problem. I swear, it's either barnyard sound computers or I'm buying a shotgun and some shells and taking care of the problem myself . . . if you know what I mean.
*Addendum - Since I'm posting up e-mail here I thought I might as well post up this snippet from a SPAM message we received. It was actually addressed to me, which is good . . . because I love shit like this.
kind as to play back the last speech about the artifact. Coming up. After some clattering and high-pitched voices whizzing by our aged guide sounded forth. Discarded. Gone from Paradise. Non-existent. Men have no need ofI know it's incomplete . . . I am scratching my head as well, wondering just what it is men have no need of.
*Note: Ok, so it didn't work. I really wanted to post up the animated .gif, but, I guess you will have to click on the link to go there to check it out. It's worth it though. Thank you Egotastic for making this available to the masses.
It seems that PotC's staying power is showing as it continues it's rampage on the American wallet, racking up a third weekend in the 1st spot, a feat that has not been achieved by a single movie this year, until now. "Monster House" debuted at #2, making a decent amount of cash, but, since it's not Disney, it obviously does not have a license to print cash. "Lady in the Water" opened up with a slightly disappointing 18+ million. It might not have helped that the reviews weren't all that great. See what happens when you cast yourself in your movies, M. Night? I mean, you're already running the goddamn show. I don't get why you keep imposing your lack of acting skills by putting yourself in front of the camera.
"You, Me and Dupree" and "Little Man" switched spots on the countdown. If you remember correctly, the "plagiarizing midget movie" was ahead of the "why is Johnny Drama not in this movie" movie, but that's been rectified. It does piss me off immensely that both these movies made more money than "Clerks II", which is a superior comedy . . . despite the weird dance number. Double-you Tea Eff mate?
"My Super Ex-Girlfriend" surprisingly made more money than "Superman Returns" on its opening weekend. And here I thought the Superman movie was goind to pound the Uma out of Uma on the countdown. I did get to see an audience leave this movie while I was waiting for the wife outside the women's bathroom after we saw "Clerks II". It was nothing but sun-baked old hags dragging their pissed off husbands.
The last two movies needed more Anne Hathaway nipple'age. I haven't seen "The Devil Wears Prada", but I'm willing to bet it is tamer than "Havoc", which is the best display of Anne Hathaway's "acting" skills. "Cars" just needed nipples, and since Hathaway wants more adult roles, I'm sure she could have provided them for this movie. CG or real, who cares? And don't even think about trying to understand my line of reasoning. It's way too advanced. Just look at the pretty numbers . . . in bold red (total takes, new openings are always un-bolded and regular colored. You should know this by now). Oooh, pretty color.
1. Pirates of the
2. Monster House - $23,000,000
3. Lady in the Water - $18,210,000
4. You, Me and Dupree - $12,787,000 $45,318,000
5. Little Man - $11,000,000 $40,611,000
6. Clerks II - $9,625,000
7. My Super Ex-Girlfriend - $8,700,000
8. Superman Returns - $7,460,000 $178,427,000
9. The Devil Wears Prada - $7,425,000 $97,571,000
10.Cars - $4,910,000 $229,449,000
Friday, July 21, 2006
Everyone likes Johnny Depp as "Jack Sparrow" . . . but he just kind of bores the shit out of me. Not to mention that his performance kept getting gayer and gayer as the movie progressed towards it's "climax". Not that I have a problem with gay characters, it's just that his compass should have been pointing towards Orlando Bloom's "Will Turner" character. These two could swordfight *wink* for hours I tell you.
Kudos to the costume department in this movie. They made Keira Knightly look like she had an honest to goodness rack. The special effects were pretty snazzy too. Maybe Disney decided to do a reverse "Herbie the Lovebug" move and increased the mosquito bites she's sporting into a couple of fun bags. The effects budget must have taken a turn for something more interesting when Davey Jones and his crew emerge from the depths. At this point, Knightly spends the rest of the movie in men's clothes. Oh well, it is Disney after all.
There's no way to score an unfinished product. The Curse of the Black Pearl was by leaps and bounds better than this entry into the trilogy. And why the fuck is everyone making trilogies? I think "Bring it On" is coming out with a third movie . . . which would sort of create a trilogy . . . but . . . here I thought that it had already been brought'en.
Clerks II - No, not Clerks eleven. This movie had it's moments. Sure, it's not as great as some of Kevin Smith's other work, but it had us laughing continuously. The strange thing, though, is that "Clerks II" totally negates the happenings of both "Dogma" and "Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back". It's like they never happened. Jay and Silent Bob have been sitting around in front of a convenience store or a Mooby's for 10 years.
The acting was not great. I hate the way Brian O'Halloran plays Dante Hicks. His delivery sucks balls and coupled with the his doe-eyed stares at Rosario Dawson, it almost had me puking. The guy that plays Randall is still the same guy, just a little older. He is one of the best parts of the movie. His interactions with both the customers and the 19 year old virgin christian-Transformers lover of a coworker are awesome.
Of course, we were a little distracted while watching this movie. There was a whole row of douchebags sitting in front of us, and the most annoying one was trying to bootleg parts of the movie with his little videophone. It was quite satisfying seeing him run out of battery power just as the Kinky Kelly and the Sexy Stud scene started. That, and someone let loose a fart that stank like straight shit. It might have actually been feces. I didn't notice anyone running to the bathroom after letting loose with that stank. Maybe they just sat around and stewed in their own fecal matter.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
When I unfolded the paper, I realized it was a note. I'll paraphrase it for you. It basically said that I had parked too close to someone's vehicle and scratched their bumper (unspecified front/back) with my license plates' screws. I did notice that there was a new truck parked in front of my car which was touching my car's front bumper. Now, when I had parked earlier, it had been in parked in between two sedans, with plenty of space between the cars and mine. Heather even crossed the street by going in between my car and another one, so my car was not initially parked too close to anything.
There was a number on the note. I called it, because the person who wrote it said that he/she would be contacting their insurance agency to file a claim against me. I got a voice mail and left a message telling the person that I had not touched their car with mine and that I had a witness that can corroborate my claim. I even took pictures with my cellphone of the screws that allegedly scraped the other car. There was no paint on them. The back license plate screws could not have done any damage because they are recessed into the bumber.
I also took the initiative to call my own insurance agency and file a claim, letting them know that I had gotten a note accusing me of damaging a car that I had not touched. They took down all the information, agreed that this happens from time to time. There are a lot of people that will claim that other cars damage their cars in an attempt to perpetrate insurance fraud. They told me an adjustor would be calling me tomorrow to review the facts and that someone would be calling the number on the note (which I provided them with) to speak with this person. They also told me that if the douchebag returns my call, to not bother messing around with arguing with them and to just give them the claim number.
So, I now await the next step in this utter bullshit saga. I really want this cocksucker to call me and accuse me of damaging their piece of shit car. And I will go to court over this if necessary. No fucker's going to accuse me of something I did not do.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Hello .I told the Sal about it and his ears perked up like if I had told him there was free pussy in the kitchen for the taking. What's up with that? Is the Sal hard up for women? He he, I said "hard up".
I am a lovely and lonely Lady who is looking for the man who will make me happy and whom I want to feel like in paradise with!
If you want to be my beautiful Hero who will save me from this loneliness find me http://www.hope-for-love.com/ and wake me up with a warm kiss.
We headed out to one of the Friday night meetings in Hollywood. There's always tons of people there. It's not the best meeting if you want to hear what's going on. There's always chatter filling the small gymnasium from people who might not be as respectful of the healing process as others might be. My wife and I went with my father in law; who has been clean for 30 years, and his sister; who came down all the way from Sacramento for the special occassion.
This was a pretty important moment in my wife's life. If she hadn't decided to stop what she was doing a whole year ago, I don't think we would be together now. Not because I would have left her. Nothing would ever make me stop loving her. It's just that I don't think she would be alive now. But she's doing so much better than she was in July of 2005. This is when she decided to check herself in to a rehab clinic in North Hollywood. She was supposed to be in there for at least 3 months, but rebellious and non-conformist Heather was out of there in 2 weeks. She was (and still is) determined to do it herself. She took control of her recovery and hasn't used what was ruining her life.
Now, a whole year later, it's almost as if the wonderful person that was buried deep within her has blossomed, like a flower, and it's great to see her being happy and not acting crazy. Some of the shit we went through a year ago was almost so surreal I thought it was a nightmare. I'm just glad that she is as strong as she is now not to pick it up again. I admire her strength and resolve. I can see a future for us now. A year ago, I wasn't sure. Now, I'm looking forward to it.
*End of sappy-post. I will be going back to the usual entries after this.
P.S. - We did get a slight celebrity sighting at the Friday night meeting. We saw a certain actress that used to be on Entourage. I'm not going to say who it was, but her yellow crayon and sharpie marker doodles were quite nice. Heather thinks she was probably on the same thing she used to be on, since she would always draw when she was on that stuff. Anyway, this girl was on her first 30 days clean, so I hope she continues and sticks with it.
Monday, July 17, 2006
"You, Me and Dupree" came in at third, continually proving that people in the United States are succeptible to watching crap. All the while, "Superman Returns" keeps slowly making it's money back. Not quite as fast as it should have. But, it's churning on. I'm pretty sure the worldwide box office take will close the gap for it.
The rest of the list is pretty uninteresting, except for "A Scanner Darkly", which looks very interesting. I'm glad it's making some money. It's still on limited release, but I hope it makes progress and keeps climbing the chart. Below is the actual list. This week, we're using "cash money" green to depit total box office takes.
1. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest - $62,186,000 $258,205,000
2. Little Man - $21,700,000
3. You, Me and Dupree - $21,338,000
4. Superman Returns - $11,620,000 $163,648,000
5. The Devil Wears Prada - $10,450,000 $83,554,000
6. Cars - $7,536,000 $219,697,000
7. Click - $7,000,000 $119,702,000
8. The Lake House - $1,570,000 $48,901,000
9. Nacho Libre - $1,523,000 $77,140,000
10.A Scanner Darkly - $1,185,000 $1,787,000
WHAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH ME NOT BEING ABLE TO GET ON TO SCAN MY COMPUTER. THE LAST E MAIL I RECEIVED SAID IT WOULD TAKE A FEW DAYS AND GUESS WHAT I STILL CANNOT GET ON IT. I HAVE A PASS WORD AND IT DOESN'T WORK SO WHAT KNOW. DON'T EXPLAIN ABOUT POP UP AND ALL THAT STUFF I AM AWARE OF IT. I WAS GETTING ON AND FOR SOME REASON IT STOPPED! SO HELP ME OUT OR I WILL CALL THE INTERNET POLICE AND FIND OUT WHAT IS GOING ON.Oh man, I don't want to get in trouble with the "Internet Police". Scary, they're going to come by and slap some e-cuffs on me. The online scanner is working now. I sent the douche a message telling her how to work it.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Little Man - Who greenlights Wayans' Brothers movies. There must be some crazy, sadistic motherfucker out there that knows something the rest of us with cinematic taste don't. This particular filmed entry into their burgeoning filmography "borrows" heavily from Looney Toons cartoons from way back in the day. Nothing is sacred to these assholes. Well, "chasin' da dolla" apparently is, but let's not count that. Who will watch this movie this weekend? People who didn't get into the other craptacular movie that comes out this weekend.
You, Me and Dupree - I like Owen Wilson. Not "like" like him, I ain't gay yo. But he's a funny guy, and I've laughed at pretty much every role he's played since "Bottle Rocket". This one might turn me against him though. This movie just looks terrible. I think it rivals "Little Man" in gawd-awful-ness. And who finds Kate Hudson attractive anyway? She's like a stick figure. Why does she keep getting acting roles. She's not very good at it either. Life baffles me sometimes.
Limited Releases (AKA - The interesting movie-fare you will overlook at the cineplex. Synopsi provided by Yahoo! Movies . . . they put the something in something. You figure it out. Now, where's my plug money Yahoo! No, I'm not screaming at you. You have an exclamation point at the end of your company name.)
Edmond - A businessman (William H. Macy) leaves his family and explores New York's seedy underworld. Written by David Mamet.
Gabrielle - A middle-aged French man discovers a letter written by his wife that overturns his entire perception of their marriage.
The Groomsmen - A groom and his four groomsmen discover their extended adolescence might finally end the week before the wedding.
Mini's First Time - A worldly 18-year-old (Nikki Reed) seduces her stepfather and schemes to get her pesky mother out of the picture.
The Oh in Ohio - A sexually frustrated married woman (Parker Posey) finds satisfaction with her pool guy (Danny DeVito). Edit - What the fuck? Danny friggin DeVito?
Time to Leave (Le Temps Qui Reste) - A French fashion photographer is given 3 months to live spends his last days with his grandmother and a cafe waitress.
Subject: AYUDANOS A CREAR TU NOCHE IDEAL
If about freight train derive perverse satisfaction from salad dressing near paper napkin, then ski lodge living with piroshki procrastinates.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
What strikes me as kinda funny is that the guy she's sharing the scene with does not look to be in any kind of discernable pleasure whatsoever. He actually looks kind of scared to have Lohan down there, fake-chomping away at his knob. Maybe he's afraid that since Lohan is exlusively polygamous, she's got some super STD that has become airborne and will infect him if she breathes on him. I just hope he had access to a strong disinfectant after he was done with that scene. He's going to need it.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
THIS USER ID AND PASSWORD THAT YOU JUST EMAILED ME DON'T WORK.He is a wordsmith I tell you. He has shown us here at work that he can use the word "fuck" and a varied array of permutations of that word, so he must mean business. Here is my reply to his e-mail.
I KEY THEM INTO THE UPDATES SETTINGS ON THE Xxxxx INTERFACE AND I'M TOLD THEY'RE INCORRECT.
WHY DO ALL YOU PEOPLE HAVE TO BE SUCH A BIG FUCKING PAIN IN THE ASS! AND YOU DESERVE TO HAVE YOUR ASSES CHEWED.
EVERY SOFTWARE I BUY HAS TO BE A FUCKING NIGHTMARE. MCAFEE WAS. AND SO ARE YOU.
YOU GOT THAT FUCKING POPUP WINDOW TELLING ME TIME TO UPDATE, CAN'T UPDATE, TRY AGAIN, TRY AGAIN LATER, BLAH BLAH BLAH.
GROW UP, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS! GIVE US AN ADULT PRODUCT.
GIVE ME A USER ID AND PASSWORD THAT WORK.
BEFORE THIS IT WAS A FUCKING POPUP THAT HARRASSED THE FUCK OUT OF ME TELLING ME I NEED TO REGISTER THE PRODUCT. I TAKE MY VALUABLE TIME TO RE-, I REPEAT, RE-REGISTER. AND YOU TELL ME I WAS ALREADY REGISTERED. WHY THE FUCK BOTHER ME IF I WAS ALREADY REGISTERED?. I CAN TELL YOU'RE GONNA BE A BIG PAIN IN THE ASS LIKE MCAFEE WAS. ARE YOU A SUBSIDIARY OF THEIRS?
THEN, YOU DUMBFUCKS, I TRY TO REPLY TO YOUR EMAIL AT CUSTOMER.SERVICE. YOU WON'T ACCEPT THE EMAIL. THEN, FUCKHEADS, I TRY TO USE THE Xxxxx INTERFACE TO SEND AN EMAIL TO TECH SUPPORT. CAN'T DO IT! SOME KIND OF FUCKING ERROR.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU IRRESPONSIBLE FUCKHEADS? NO OTHER PRODUCT WOULD DARE BE AS MUCH OF A FUCKUP AS YOU SOFTWARE MAKERS ARE. THEY WOULD BE OUT OF BUSINESS.
I CAN'T UPDATE MY FUCKING Xxxxx PIECE OF SHIT UNTIL I CAN ENTER A VALID USER ID AND PASSWORD. ARE YOU GONNA SEND ME THOSE ITEMS OF DO I COMPLAIN TO HIGH HEAVEN AND THE BBB? IT SHOULDN'T TAKE ME TWO FUCKING HOURS TO DO A HALF HOUR JOB.
AND, YOU BETTER NOT SEND ME A VIRUS EITHER. YOU'RE JUST EVIL ENOUGH TO DO THAT.
GET THOSE RIDICULOUS FUCKING NAG SCREENS OFF MY DESKTOP!!!
THERE'S ONE OF YOUR STUPID FUCKING POPUPS NOW. UPDATE CANCELLED! TRY AGAIN NOW, TRY AGAIN LATER, RECEIVE MY USER ID AGAIN. AND I DARE NOT CLICK ON ANY OF THOSE OPTIONS. BUT WHEN I DO YET ANOTHER MESSAGE WILL POPUP ASKING ME TO REAFFIRM IF I TRULY WANT TO UPDATE. THEN, YET, YET, YET ANOTHER POPUP WILL TELL ME I CAN'T.
YOU LAME MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dear Customer,I haven't heard back from him yet. I'm waiting, anxiously, with bated breath, for his next expletive-laden opus.
Thank you for your kind words. The e-mail is very eloquent. What is the user name and password that you were issued? Please send it to us so that we can test them out on one of our lab machines. And no, we are not a subsidiary of McAfee.
Have a nice day.
Monday, July 10, 2006
She is also hanging out with a new boyfriend apparently, who lifted her up just with one arm. I know what you all are thinking. It's not me. I'm married already. And yes, I am that strong. My middle name IS indeed "He-Man" and yes, I am one of the "Masters of the Universe". If you want to argue with me, I'll refer you to my orange and green Battle Tiger. He usually sorts out my disputes when they're too inane to even require my attention.
The next three movies on the list (Click, Cars, and Nacho Libre) kind of baffle me in their success. Why does Adam Sandler keep making so much money with the movies he is in. His best role so far was in "Punch Drunk Love", which was his most un-Adam Sandler'ish role to date. He should make some more of those. Or maybe not, we might end up with another "Spanglish". "Cars" was just boring as all fuck. "Nacho Libre", while amusing, was not expected to make much money. If you look at Jack Black's previous track record as a leading man . . . it ain't that great.
The bottom portion of the countdown is populated by pure and utter shit, and we will not touch it with a ten foot pole. Suffice to say that I hope Vince Vaughn knows something we here at BAFW don't know about Jennifer Aniston. Like, maybe, despite her man-face, she willingly takes it in the pooper. Maybe that's why he's marrying her. It's hard to find a woman (outside of a porno) that like that kind of action. What does that have to do with the 100+ million "The Break Up" made . . . absolutely nothing. Total takes this week in new and improved bold RED. You're not tripping out. I did that. But, do put down the crack pipe. Heed Whitney Houston's words . . . "Crack is whack".
1. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest - $132,028,000
2. Superman Returns - $21,850,000 $141,677,000
3. The Devil Wears Prada - $15,600,000 $63,696,000
4. Click - $12,000,000 $105,921,000
5. Cars - $10,330,000 $205,504,000
6. Nacho Libre - $3,339,000 $73,813,000
7. The Lake House - $2,845,000 $45,621,000
8. The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift - $2,484,000 $57,369,000
9. Waist Deep - $1,861,000 $19,167,000
10.The Break-Up - $1,646,000 $114,304,000
Here comes the sour.
My xxxxxxx 2006 sec suite is not updating. Seems two months is it's limit. I am not very damned amused!Get ready for the sweet.
Message "could not update antivirus correctly." Cause of error - not defined. Error code 190017
Unless you can get this dog-crap software functioning and keep it doing so for more than a month or so, I want a full refund.
When you come to the edge of all the Light that you know and you are
about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing that one of two things will happen -- there will be something solid to stand on or we will be taught to fly.
Change the life of a child. Please visit Compassion International at www.compassion.com/Default
Saturday, July 08, 2006
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Friday, July 07, 2006
Jaime says: how's the courting of the r3c3p going?
(The Sal vocalizes: It's not a courtship)
Jaime says: don't you want a piece of Cox?
The Sal says: there's no courting
Jaime says: lol
Jaime says: piece of Cox . . . that sounds gh3y
The Sal says: yes i know...so dont use it
Jaime says: it's not my fault you are attracted to Cox
Jaime says: well, it's true right?
The Sal says: no its not
Jaime says: what? you're telling me you don't want to lay pipe there
Jaime says: do a little plumbing work
The Sal says: k4r3n yes cox no
Jaime says: well . . . they go hand in hand
Jaime says: it's her namesake
Jaime says: are you telling me you can't handle the Cox?
This is when the Sal just laughs and tells me that he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. He had also told me to keep him out of my blog, but since I'm the Lord and Master of my domain, and the asshole transferred a single license client to me . . . all bets are off.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest - The 2nd in the planned trilogy of movies that has Johnny Depp do his best Keith Richards impersonation. Thankfully, it has Keira Knightly in a push-up corsett, which is the only way one can enjoy that tiny little spice rack she has. This current entry into the Disney franchise will piss off a few people. It's ending is abrupt, very Matrix Reloaded-ish . . . if you catch my drift. I haven't seen it yet, but I'm sure the wife will drag me to this. She's very much into that Depp fellow.
Heading South - Three North American women discover excitement and danger while vacationing in Haiti during the 1980's
Once in a Lifetime: The Extraordinary Story of the New York Cosmos - A documentary about the professional soccer team that brought Brazilian superstar Pelé to the U.S. in the 1970s
A Scanner Darkly - I don't usually do a write up for a Limited Release feature, but this one seems to be pretty freaking awesome. Sure, it's got Keanu "Whoa" Reeves, but I won't let that ruin the fun for me. There are zero magic mailboxes in this movie. The story is a little confusing. Apparently, in the near future, there will be a highly addictive drug (Bejeweled 2?) that causes split personality disorders. Keanu plays a cop (I think) that is having a little conflict between the left and right hemispheres of his brain. I'm not sure if I will convince the wife to go watch this, but I will be watching this movie. Maybe next week.
Who the hell ('s kitchen) is Abi Titmus? See what I did there, that was a bit of a pun. I know, I'm a clever rapscallion. Actually, I had to look this broad up to find out just why I cared that she goes out on the town with nothing on downtown. She was part of that extreme reality cooking show. No, not Iron Chef. Hell's Kitchen, which is a show where a British-accented jackass screams at cooks trying to make it in the high-paced, and flame-prone world of . . . cooking. Wow, sounds fan-fucking-tastic. This is a good upskirt though. It's not just a hairy beaver shot. You get a hint of labia majora with this one. That's on the second picture by the way. Don't break out the magnifying glass for the first shot.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
*SPOILER - Just go away if you still want to preserve the effectiveness of this "Oh Shit" moment. I gave you fair warning.
Yeah, that's Uncle Ben, the thug who killed him, and Flint Marko, AKA - The Sandman! It seems that he might have been involved in the demise of Spider-Man's uncle . . . the whole catalyst for the superhero to take up a life of vigilante'ism. This is, of course, a deviation from the comics, but we're talking another medium of entertainment here. I think it's ok for film to adjust some things. There is still a possibility that the black Spidey suit is just fucking with his head, and showing him things that didn't actually happen. It's all up in the air right now. But damn, this is some huge spoiler.
7/07/06 - Addendum: More celebrities skimping it up at the beach, or in Mena Suvari's case . . . the gas station. And I know that even though tight pants and a sports bra does not actually count as a bikini, it's still two pieces of clothing with an exposed midsection. And then there's the badonkadonk. So, I had to post it.
Lindsay Lohan (again)