Friday, September 30, 2005

Can't Stop The Signal

Tonight I had the pleasure of viewing something that I have anticipated for a long long time. Ever since I finished watching the Firefly box set, I have been anxiously awaiting the return of Joss Whedon's space western back to the screen (of indeterminate size). Today, my wish came true, as Heather and I visited our local cineplex and let our visual senses be taken for a ride.

*MINOR SPOILERS BELOW*

After a little bit of exposition, to get the non-Firefly fans caught up to speed, the movie kicks into gear with a great little heist which has just hilarious interactions between the crew of Serenity and the people they are holding up. The Reavers cut this little hold up short when they decide to make an unexpected appearance and we're treated to a tense hovercraft chase that almost makes it look like the crew is toast, only to be saved at the last possible moment by the firefly class cargo ship we all love.

From there, Simon, the brother of psychic-ass-kicking-biological weapon River Tam gets into a bit of a word scuffle with Mal Reynolds (the 21st century's Han Solo), the pair decide to go off on their own. This doesn't last long, as River gets into a bit of trouble when some of the subconcious conditioning the evil Allegiance is triggered and she proceeds to kick every single ass in a cantina. Even hilarious Jayne gets his clock cleaned.

After this little incident, the "Operative", a truly evil (admittedly so by the way), gets a hold of Mal's prostitute girlfriend to set up a trap for the crew, but the crew of Serenity, being the rapscallions that they are, manage to fool the Allegiance's errand boy in clever form, and manage to get out with Inara, the aformentioned prostitute. They pay a visit to Shepherd Book while they try to figure out what to do next, and then head out to the planet Miranda. A mysterious planet stuck in the middle of Reaver territory.

They manage to slip past the Reavers by using some truly greusome tactics after they find some of their friends struck down by the Operative's men. What they find on Miranda is something that could bring down (or weaken considerably) the hold that the Allegiance has over the galaxy, so they decide to broadcast the signal. A massive space battle ensues, with the crew of Serenity using their wits instead of brawn (but they bring brawn in tow just in case) to get past a fleet of Allegiance battleships and get to Mr Universe's (sadly no Schwarzenneger cameo) relay station to distribute the message to every corner of the galaxy. Just a little bit of info on this space battle. George Lucas should take notes on how to direct space fracasses. The battle is much shorter than the one in "Return of the Sith", but is much more intense and fun that the latter's.

After getting through, we get a truly brutal firefight where everyone ends up with a new bodily orifice and we get to see a display of River's battle prowess. All in all, this movie had me riveted to my seat (except for when I had to urinate 32 ounces of Diet Coke) for the whole 1 hour and 59 minutes. I recommend if for non-Firefly and Firefly devotee's (I believe they call themselves "Browncoats") alike. This movie doesn't hold back at times, with some unexpected happenings that shocked me a bit. But, it leaves it open to sequels, that would let us explore this universe that Whedon has created in greater depth. You hear that Universal . . . help us explore this universe. Please. Don't suck like FOX. They pulled the show after 9 episodes and you stand to make a lot of money of off this filmed venture. Let's just hope that this cinematic outing makes a good amount of money this weekend so that the bean counters don't get scared.

Housewife Mafia

It seems that a call to arms has been thrown down. The "Housewife Mafia"'s reign of terror of the Blog Explosion(BE) "Battle of the Blogs" section will come to an end soon enough. It won't be pretty, and many a mommy blog will be struck down by the combined might that is the non-mommy blog portion of the internet. For too long have these Mafia blogs torn down great blogs that rightly deserved the win *ahem* just because they have a better record than us blogists that can't afford to spend the daylight hours on BE. And when the dust settles, the members of the dreaded Housewife Mafia will return to their rightful place as the below picture displays.
Only after this will there be world peace.

We Didn't Start The Fire . . .

I am a bit of a pyromaniac, but it wasn't me that started the fire that's raging in Los Angeles right now. This thing is a bit massive. I could see a plume of smoke that was reminscent of a mushroom cloud from my office building today that really astounded me. I took some pictures of it with the camera-phone . . . which is here nor there 'cause I can't upload the pics without a cable that I do not own (I'm not saying to click on my advertising on the page here, but if you do, I get money . . . so put 2 and 2 together and help me get a cable).

So this fire is raging, seemingly uncontrollably. And then I look up a news story which realy makes me raise my eyebrow and think "Oh shit".
A flank of the Topanga fire stormed onto the Rocketdyne facility in Ventura County on Thursday, stoking fears that hazardous and flammable materials would burn and waft into populated areas.
That's from the LA Times. Apparently, if the fires reach this facility, where the government used to do nuclear and chemical research, along with a little rocket testing on the side, Southern California could be screwed. I don't own a gas mask, so this might be a little bit of a bummer for my family and I if noxious gasses start drifting east . . thanks to those lovely off-shore winds.
Jonathan Parfrey of Physicians for Social Responsibility said that despite an ongoing environmental cleanup at the plant, it was inevitable that contaminated soil, chaparral and other plants would burn and "liberate" toxins into the air. He called for air monitoring. "Without a doubt, there's plants and soil and buildings that are still contaminated," Parfrey said. "We're talking 40, 50 years of using some of the most exotic materials in the planet."
Oh great, now that we tampered with mother nature and spilled our nuclear and chemical waste all over the place, it's going to come back and bite us in the ass . . . or esophagus. I think it's time to take a little trip to the U.S. Army surplus store down the street and pick me up some gas masks. Just in case the firemen (who are too busy saving the millionaire homes) don't get around to controlling the fire that is dangerously close to poisoning this whole section of the state.

Attention Whoring

In a "too little too late" attempt to detract attention from either her rapidly expanding ass or candy apple shaped head, Tyra Banks has been attracting attention to her breasts. After getting an expert opinion on them last week on her talk show (Tyra has a talk show? You go girl . . . er. . . I mean, why?) that confirmed the authenticity of said mamaries, she enlisted the help of pseudo-actress Jennifer Love Hewitt (also known as the great Eskimo Actor) to draw more attention to her chocolate milk juggs.

I guess this is all good and well. I mean, if we're too busy checking out the racks, then we wouldn't have to face the realization that Tyra has a bit of a God Complex on her America's Next Top Model show . . . or the fact that everyone treats her like a celebrity when she's just a model. A model people. That's it. And a model that's not in her prime. Hell, Janice Dickinson looks better than her. Physically I mean. That woman's face looks like ground beef wrapped in Saran-Wrap.

Anne Hathaway Nude

Up until now, this was the closest you could get to taking a gander at Anne Hathaway's rack. She's the chick from all those awful Princess Diaries movies. Well, seems she's getting a little edgy as she gets older. For her upcoming movie titled . . . um . . who cares. She does sex scenes. I won't post the pictures here, but the link provided shortly after this paragraph will take you there. I think it's only fair that the guy who posted these pictures first be credited for posting them up before me.

Oyster Derby

EDIT: The movie is called "Havoc". Sounds like an early nineties Image Comics' character. Oh, and if you want, you can also check out The Superficial.

Kicked Out of Taradise

Looks like that retarded show that follows Tara Reid while she parties across the world didn't get a whole lot of viewers. I don't blame America for not paying attention. Who wants to see a coked up and drunk bitch travelling around the world and whoring it up? Actually, I would, but not if she if she looks/sounds like Tara. Shit, slap a bikini on E.T. and that sexy extraterrestrial would be hotter than Reid. Here's a transcript I pulled from The Superficial which in turn pulled it from a different site. It just goes to show you the depth of Tara's self-delusional thought process.
How many more years are [the media] going to pick on me? There's other new young bad girls. Move on to someone else! . . . I need one more great movie role so they say, 'Wow, she can act! She's a great actress.' Then I think they'll leave me alone . . . If I'm going to try and do something, it has to happen this year. I'm not stupid.

"People think [I am just a party girl], and it's bull[bleep]," she ranted to Hayden. "I wish they would just tell the truth. I'm not a drunk . . . I don't have a drinking problem. I don't have a drug problem, for sure.

"Listen, if I could get good movies, you would never see me going out. But when there's nothing to do, what am I supposed to do, just sit in my house and go crazy? But going out is not all I do.

"I'm just fed up. I just want a chance again. I want to show that I am an actress . . . I just wish a director would believe in me.

"The gossip reporters know the truth. They know they could write good things about me. They could write I'm a good person who is cleaning up her act. I am getting older, and I want different things in my life. I want to get married and have kids.

"I've had a million publicists, and they've done nothing for me . . . Publicists are supposed to fight for me and believe in me, and they don't do that. They don't!

"I thought 'Taradise' was going to help me . . . I wanted to show the whole world the truth — I'm fun . . . But do I think it was cut like that? No. It could have been a better show . . . I didn't want to look like a total party-girl drug retard. I think the shots they show aren't fair."
Tara, you've never had a great role, you never will have a great role, and you will never be remembered as a good actress . . . because, simply, you are incapable of being a good actress. You need to have a brain and some sort of acting skills to be good. You lack both those components. I suggest you save whatever you made in the past, and just live out your life in a cave somewhere. It's for the best. And make sure you take a fully loaded .357 Magnum with you. So you can play Russian Roulette by yourself. Trust me, it's a fun game. Way better than Solitaire.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Class in Spades

When you look at Britney and Kevin, you can't help but think "Wow, those two know how to dress". Just look at Feder-leezie . . . he's wearing his tank top like a sports bra. Why isn't GQ all over this new fashion trend. And further more, I hope this is not one of the pictures that OK magazine paid in excess of 3 million dollars for. What did they shoot that picture with, a Mr. Magoo lense?

I wonder what that baby looks like. I'm not going to buy the magazine though. If someone could e-mail me some pictures of the little tyke. I just want to check if he's got the billy-bob teeth already.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Disturbing Proceedures

Just something I found on Craigslist today while I was browsing the "pets" section. It makes me want to head out to the pound and rescue an unfortunate pup. I'll most likely post the other parts as they appear on that website since the author is asking people to post/crosspost. Just doing my part I guess.

[stopthekilling] AN INSIDERS VIEW PART I


POST AND CROSS POST!

THE LAAS SHELTER SYSTEM: AN INSIDER'S VIEW PART I
We have decided to post this in three parts.

We will WIN the battle to STOP THE KILLING. We will WIN by our relentless and tireless determination to never back down. We will continue our protests, we will continue e-mailing, faxing, calling and demanding that the changes necessary to stop the killing be implemented NOW.

The first step of course is to FIRE GUERDON H. STUCKEY and replace him with a bright, compassionate, creative, experienced and dedicated individual who will embrace Winograd's humane NO KILL solutions and make sure the employees are doing their jobs and being compassionate and respectful to the animals in their care.

If you want to sign up to join us in our demonstrations please e-mail adlla@animaldefense.com and write in the subject line "See you in the Streets" and give us a contact phone number for you. Please do NOT sign up unless you are committed to coming out to the demo's.

The following is part one of what is occurring at the Los Angeles Animal Services' animal "shelters"--appropriately dubbed "City Death Camps" by animal rights activists currently engaged in an ongoing campaign to replace abusive and mossback workers with progressive, compassionate employees who will implement a humane NO KILL system.

As you read this tragic and unconscionable litany of atrocities perpetrated against innocent, defenseless companion animals, let your outrage inspire you to become active and join the ADLLA Stop The Killing campaign, determined to turn these Animal Auschwitz's into what they are supposed to be, humane no kill "shelters" for homeless and lost animals!

Begin:
The Los Angeles Animal Services is on an unprecedented killing spree--they are literally killing everything in sight at the six city Death Camps! They kill 40 dogs at a time. They will kill 100 cats in one fell swoop. There are 9 million people in Los Angeles--and they can't seem to find homes for even a few dogs, cats, or bunnies!

South LA in fact kills animals at 8:30 A.M.-- they want to "get it over with" early in their day. Most of the animals do not even receive the minimum 4-day holding period mandated by CA state law. (The Hayden law--also identified as SB 1785--prohibits the pounds from killing animals before the 4-day holding period has expired.)

Every day the LAAS puts out a "kill list." (I believe the Third Reich would put out lists of the people who were to go to the gas chambers that day.) The LAAS lists appear only on weekdays. (LAAS claims that they kill exclusively on weekdays.) So, the animals who are on the list on a Friday are slated to be killed on the following Tuesday.

They kill on Mondays, too, but they maintain that they don't kill on holidays. The excuse for the killing is usually "space"--what they always fall back on when they can't come up with any other rationale for killing. But they have carte blanche to kill for ANY reason--a sneeze, a minor cut, a growl, a swipe...

The truth is that "overcrowding" and "overpopulation" are myths. There is plenty of space (numerous empty cages and runs). One shelter stores paper plates and rolls of toilet tissue in row upon row of empty cages! Yet, they are killing dogs right and left! I have never seen the kill rate so extreme! They claim they are killing only the animals on the list--which would be grievous enough--but, lately, they have executed innumerable animals not on the list. They kill the listed animals prematurely--and the ISO dogs (in isolation because of a runny nose, a mild case of fleas, or any other condition that could easily be treated) are not even listed. They just disappear like the political dissenters used to in South America.

Another horrific occurrence concerns a beautiful one-year-old PUPPY! The pound generally way overestimates ages. This baby had enormous paws, so he obviously was only a few months old. He was a big, gorgeous, sweet, wrinkled, light tan Shar Pei-Mastiff mix.

A woman and her husband had come rushing over to the cage--pointing excitedly to the Shar Pei-Mastiff puppy. They scrambled to get one of the kennel employees. I naturally thought they were considering adopting the puppy. The kennel employee removed the dog from the cage and took him to the back.

It appeared as though these people were going to visit with the dog--get to know him before taking him home. I followed them to the back hallway, where I found out that they were not interested in adopting him--but instead reporting a small wound on his side. They thought they were doing a good deed...

(And, by the way, when people ARE interested in adopting an animal, the employees try to talk them out of it! They will tell the prospective adopter that the animals is sick or unsociable!) And if people DO insist on adopting an animal but don't have exact change, they are refused. If the person is willing to pay extra--make a donation of the difference to the shelter--he or she is turned down and the animal is killed.

Instead of treating the puppy's wound, the pound apparently killed him--since his record vanished from the website. That is precisely how the pound deals with any minor injury or medical condition--they simply snuff the animal! (The only way a record disappears like that is by the animal's being either adopted or killed.) I can guarantee the puppy did not get adopted after they took him behind those locked doors in the "medical" room.

I naively misjudged what I thought was the intent to let him live for a few more days--and I assumed that I could procure a rescuer. I should have known better! I am agonized with regret that I didn't think to put my name on him--to at least try to obtain a stay of execution. Frankly, the kennel employee who took him to the back probably would not have allowed me to do so--nor would the executioner likely have so permitted, either.

Part 2 in our next posting.

ADL-LA Disclaimer: Nothing contained in this publication is intended to encourage or incite illegal acts. Many of the reports contained in our Action Alerts and on our web site at www.StopTheKilling.net have been received anonymously and the Campaign cannot make any guarantees for the accuracy of these reports. Any views or comments stated in reports, Action Alerts or on the web site are not necessarily the views of STK or ADL-LA

You Gotta Pimp That Child . . .

Britney Spears is a classy mom. She just sold the rights to the first pictures, baby birth video, and so on all starring her newborn, to OK magazine for a few million bucks. Way to go Britney, put the little tyke to work before he becomes a lazy redneck chain smoking latch on waste of human space. At least the baby can say "Hey, I made over 3 million bucks in my first week of life, what did you do buddy?".

Who wants to see a Britney birth video though. I mean, sick. I don't even like to see regular people birth videos. The gush of afterbirth is a sight that I do not want to see again. I'm still traumatized from my high school health class when they popped in that video into the classroom VCR.

Not that I have anything against kids being born. It's just a messy affair, and I don't like messy too much. And you know that Britney's video will be messy. I mean, come on . . . she walks into public restrooms barefoot. You know she's not hygenically-minded at all. She probably had twinkie wrappers and ho-ho boxes strewn around the room while Federline used the room as a big ass ashtray. I'm surprised the kid hasn't contracted a deadly bacterial infection already just by being in their combined prescense.

I just hope the kid doesn't grow up all pissed 'cause his parents took all his child star money. We already have one Gary Coleman. We don't need another one.

Gwyneth "Lurch" Paltrow

I did not know they were remaking those Addams Family movies already. It seems like only 13 years ago we were watching Wednesday Addams playing with that tubby brother of hers while Lurch . . um . . Lurched around. It takes acting chops for an actor to pull off that role, so I guess that's why Gwyneth is taking that up. She looks spot on, as Chris Martin would say 'cause he's so British and all.

But, there's always a possibility that she just thinks she looks good. Like Aushwitz-chic. I love a chick that I can use her protruding ribs to wash laundry on. That is hot.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Going Back to the Well

1. “Breaking Benjamin” - This band was in the last edition of Technorati fishing, but then it was in the 10th spot. What difference one week makes huh? Is it bad that I have never heard any of their songs? I don't care. They might as well play polka music for all I care. Just 'cause everyone on technorati is looking them up does not mean that I am at all interested in learning just what this band is all about. Seriously, last week it was "burger king commercial". So that should tell you at what intellectual level the technorati masses are idling at.

2. Ifilm - I Jaime, you film. She Jane, that my monkey Cheetah. So, the #2 (otherwise known around here as the shit search . . . and by around here I mean in my head . . . and by in my head . . . I mean not in my ass, where my wife thinks my cranium is taking up permanent residence) has something to do with films. I love movies. I'll watch anything except for movies starring Julia Roberts. I fear that the gravitational pull that giant mouth of hers has will pull me right through the television and into her belly.

3. Kielle - Kie-who? Oh, she's dead. Ok. See people . . . . live journal kills. And it also smashes puppies like Lenny from "Of Mice and Men". Someone needs to take live journal out by a lake and put a revolver up to the back of its head. Preferably someone named George. Or Gary Sinise if he's available.

4. “Maureen Dowd” - I could go look this name up somewhere and find out just who Maureen is, but who cares. I think she's a reporter? Commentator? Woman? Human? Pfft!

5. “Bush Drinking” - Yeehaw! He's hitting the sauce again huh? Well, just give him a couple of weeks and he'll be snorting blow off the ass of Kate Moss. Which is flat like a mirror, so hey, it all works out in the end.

6. Rita - Hurricane #2 (which around here, we call a shitstorm . . . and by around here . . . I mean I'm going insane) hits the United States with a bit of an OOMPH!Bush is out there with the speed of a drunk driver tearing ass through a school zone. Why not Louisiana Mr. President? Oh, they have more black people out there than white right? I guess that's what Kanye is for.

7. “Demi Moore” - Is she dating Frankie Muniz yet? 'Cause that Ashton Kutcher is getting old. Come on, he's like 25 or something. That's a whole quarter of a century . . . or a 1/5 of Demi's actual age. How does she stay so young looking? Eating the stem cells of aborted baby fetuses of course. They're mm mm good.

8. China - Something tells me this is not a search to find the best takeout place close to home. It must have something to do with the economic giant that China is poised to become. But, who cares, their penises are smaller than ours, so we don't have anything to worry about right? Right!

9. Katrina - Who dat? Oh, it's that other hurricane. The one that flooded the black people who Bush cares not for. And of 'course, it gave us this guy "Looter Dude" . . . it can't be all that bad right?

10. “Kate Moss” - I hear that whenever she sneezes, there's a snow blizzard. What? That's cocaine? Oh, well, let's just hope she . . . blows . . . after the sneeze.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Mariah Scary

It seems that after Mariah's failed attempt at becoming a movie star with "Glitter", her star has dimished. Actually, I think that star supernova'd and is no longer there. Just look at this picture. This was a sex symbol in the mid-nineties? Seriously? I guess the only thing that remains from that is the silicone still residing within her mamaries. Just look at that face. She looks like one of those weird kangaroo things from the "Tank Girl" movie. Not the Ice-T one, the Iggy Pop one. The retarded character.

Jenny Pee-Carthy

I guess the next logical career move for Jenny McCarthy was to pee her pants on the Howard Stern show. I mean, she did all those Candies shoes ads where she was on the porcelain throne while trying to sell women shoes. But she was buck nekked in those pictures. In these pictures, she's fully clothed, and apparently tickled pink that she's pissing on camera . . . in her pants. But then again, this is Jenny McCarthy. She was probably picking her nose, farting and letting two guys ear bang her while she peed her pants. I don't know. She does have a new movie coming out. Maybe this is some sort of publicity stunt where we see the pictures, and then run to the theaters to see if she'll pee on a giant screen as well. I did see pictures from the set of that movie . . . and she's doing nudity and apparently simulating sex. No wonder she split from her husband shortly after taping wrapped up. Oh, forgot to mention that he was the director on that movie. Ha! I guess seeing your wife miming lewd sexual acts with other men put him off a little.

Whatever it is . . . we know one thing. Jenny "pulled a Fergie".

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Pull Over . . . . I'm Going to Shit My Pants!

I have a couple of poop stories. So what. Don't judge me. I'm sure you've had your run in with random instances where you couldn't hold it anymore and you had to utter the exact same sentence above with extreme impatience. This did not happen to me though, I have excellent sphincter control. But, for the sake of confidentiality, we'll just call this person "Shit-ee"

Shit-ee and I had gone to Magic Mountain for the day for a company outing. We had consumed, against our better judgement, gray hotdogs. I know, but I have a strong stomach. Poor Shit-ee doesn't. After riding a couple of rollercoasters, we had to leave the premises. It was just too much for Shit-ee's stomach. The tricky part now was trying to get back home from Magic Mountain in a timely fashion so that the impending diarreah could be taken care of.

About 20 minutes into the trip back to our area, and 10 minutes away from our destination, Shit-ee let's out the aforementioned "Pull over . . . I'm going to shit my pants!". By the time that those words had exited the vocal cords and made their way out the esophagus, I could smell the shit. I looked over at Shit-ee, with trepidation, as I did not want my car pooped in.

I have no idea what area I'm in, so as I exit the freeway, I frantically find a gas station and Shit-ee runs to the nearest port-o-potty and lets loose a shit-storm that you do not want to get caught in. Relieved, Shit-ee gets back in the car and says . . . "Wow, that was a close one". When I ask Shit-ee about the pre-shit smell, I learn that it was not indeed poop but an extremely potent fart that had escaped while Shit-ee was doing his/her darndest not to soil her/himself.

Let this serve as a cautionary tale to you. If the hot dog is gray . . . just move on to the hamburgers. If they're gray as well, might as well get yourself a pack of Depends adult diapers. You're going to need them.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Agassi Gets a Supercut(s)


Wow, that Andre Agassi's got himself a pretty great new hairdo huh? I was tired of the shaved head look. Made him look kinda like a tampon. But this . . . This makes him look like Conan the Barbarian mixed in with a little Fabio. All you need there is an ax and a broadsword and he's ready to terrorize the tennis courts . . . . waitaminute? Is that Brooke Shields?

Whoa, yet another victim of the dreaded man-face. What's up with this. And that exposed nipple, not even sexy when you take it within the context of the picture. It's just disgusting. Kinda of makes my stomach turn really. I think I need a minute or two to collect myself. And by collect, I mean puke every single thing I have eaten today. I wonder what Jamba Juice looks like regurgitated. Pretty much the same going down I guess.

I Like Technorati Fishing . . . .

'Cause it's so delicious, Technorati Fishing! That's my new little song. Kinda sounds like the cheddar goldfish snack jingle, but it is no way a violation of copyrighted material as I claim this to be parody, and as such, is protected by the freedom of speech amendment. So there bitches. Don't make me get constitutional on your asses.

1. “Burger King Commercial” - The top search on Technorati this morning is about a Burger King commercial? What're they announcing, that they are responsible for a percentage of the rampant obesity that's taken a hold of this nation in plauge-like proportions? Or do they have a new ginormous breakfast sandwhich that tops the 1000 calorie mark, therefore making it a more complete breakfast. "Eggs and bacon and sausage and eggs and bacon and pure lard dipped in the deep fryer and covered in hot chocolate fudge. Mmmm".

2. Timesselect - Apparently a new New York Times feature that allows the common people to intereact with their columnists. Who cares. Most of those people are assholes. Now, you want common unprinted assholes to intereact with your published assholes to make a big ol' asshole sandwhich with a little bean dip on the side. This is going to get messy. And since I'm not into German Schize movies, I think I'll just ignore the whole preceedings.

3. Rita - The east coast just can't catch a break can it? First Katrina, now Rita . . . what's next . . Hurricane Child Support? Alimony. They seem to name them all women names these days, so I figure they should start naming these hurricanes with names that strike fear in the hearts of men. Lookout single guys, here comes Hurricane Commitment. Argh! Run!!

4. “Impeach Bush” - I was walking with the wife a couple of days ago, well . . . actually trying to keep up with the wife 'cause at the time she was pissed off at me because I make really retarded comments all the time that tick her off, and I passed by a couple of liberal bitches who were gathering signatures to impeach Bush. Or throw them in jail. Are you serious jackoff?! Not that I like Bush . . .well . . some kinds of Bush I'm down with . . . but this little crusade of yours will get you nowhere. You know why Democrats are in so much trouble? They focus on the now instead of looking at the future to try to see what they should do to get the power back in government. If only they stopped whining about rigged elections and Bush lying about this or that and focus on finding an electable candidate for the 2008 presidential race . . . that would be a better use of their time. Quitcher bitchin and start finding someone that does not resemble a plank of wood.

5. “Times Select” - Deja Vu.

6. “Don Omar” - Anything I could find about this guy at first glance was in Spanish, and since spics shouldn't be on the computer but rather be picking our fruits and vegetables . . . why would I even bother. What was that, I'm a spic too? So? This is one of those instances where a certain race can denigrate themselves without the white man getting all huffy puffy about it. Yeah, whatcha gonna do crackers. Nothing. Now, beaners . . get to beaning.

7. Opera - The web browser or the cultural event? I know nothing of either, other than it's not over until the fat lady sings. Or when she crashes through the stage because the structural support could not handle the weight. Either way, it ends, and that's as good as it's going to get.

8. "Breaking Benjamin" - This is a band right? Are they any good? Do I care? Anyone care to leave a comment about these people, please. Otherwise, all my brain will connect this entry to is the time in the 1st grade when a kid called Benjamin kicked me in the nuts and I passed out. So yeah, I would like to find this Benjamin bastard and break a bottle over his head. Or a cinder block. I haven't decided.

9. Katrina - Will this bitch just go away. Yes, you came in, you destroyed, you flooded, you killed. Now go away, seriously, party is over bitch. Grab your tampons and leave.

10. Nokia 7710 - I'm assuming this is a new phone. I just can't understand Nokia's numerical classification. Why don't they just call these things the "Nokia So Cool You'll Kill Your Brother To Get One". Or, "Nokia Sell A Baby On The Black Market". I guess that would cost too much in printing, packaging and marketing expenses right. Fine Nokia, keep using that silly numerical classification. But, if you ever decide to use my truly badass system . . . I want me a consulting fee fowarded to my bank. Nothing much, just about 10 grand will do. What can I say, I'm cheap.

And so ends another edition of technorati fishing. Sorry if you got here looking to find information about your latest obsession and found this instead. This'll learn you a lesson boy/girl. Watch where you click. Oh, and that program you just noticed embedding itself in your HD . . . ignore it. Totally benign. *Evil laugh*

Friday, September 16, 2005

I Can Complain About Anything

I don't mind this new job. Actally, since it's not entirely set up to run properly and I end up just sitting around doing nothing . . . I don't mind it at all. But somehow, I always end up finding something to complain about. That's just my nature I guess.

And what am I belly-aching about today . . . the bathroom. The bathroom on the third floor where my desk is located in smells like someone peed all over the walls. The smell of urine is so pungent and static that you go in and your nostrils flare up at the most foul odor that stagnates within the tiled confines of the lavatory.

Now, what's stopping me from checking out the 2nd floor bathroom. Well . . .stairs. Have you tried climbing those things? No, seriously . . . I'm not sure if the key that is used here for the bathrooms will grant me access to the 2nd floor or even 1st floor bathrooms, and I'm sure as heck not going to descend into the bowels of this building. Not that I am afraid of bowel movements . . . hmm . . . what? What if I make it down to the 2nd floor and the key does not work? Then I have to try the 1st floor and what if the key does not work there. Then I'm stuck, having to go to the bathroom and having to run up two flighs of stairs with either a loaded bladder or a turtle-head poking out.

Or I could just start flinging my feces at the windows of the other offices here in the building (I'm facing an atrium) and see what happens. Yeah, I think I'll do that.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Losers on Screen

No, not a movie about you and your friends hanging around your mother's basement eating cheetos in your underwear and practicing the newest brown-crown techniques. This is yet another comic book adaptation containing The Sal's newest object of 4-color obsession. He seems to fall in lust with comic book chicks every other week.
This is basically a story about covert CIA operatives that get the short-end of a raw deal from a mysterious CIA head-honcho that only goes by the name of Max. This comic is pure rock solid action from start to finish. So much so that I noticed some pages stuck together when I got my trade paper back copy back from the Sal. Hmmm . . . . must buy disinfectant spray.

Helming this project is Peter Berg. He did that little, and amusing, Rundown movie and that football flick I will never watch called Friday Night Lights. He does action well. He's also writing, which would delay his Sam Fisher project . . . I can't for the life of me remember the name of that videogame. Oh yeah, that's 'cause it's overblown and hyped up crap. Not like Halo 2. That game is divine in every single way. I will tear the heads off the infidels who say Counterstrike is better. I'll just borrow one of the Sal's katanas.

An Offer I Can't Refuse

The small software company made me an offer. Today, on my planned day off from FEMA, instead, I'll be heading in to my new job out in Glendale instead of trekking out to North Hollywood. Since I do have the next day off as well, I'm pretty sure I can do these couple of days with the software company to close out the week and then show up Saturday and Sunday to finish out my work relationship with the government agency. I'll have to let them down easy, since I'm such a great worker and all. Besides, I don't want to make a whole government agency cry . . .

The job was so inane. Apart from meeting a couple of cool people, I won't miss it. I won't miss almost dozing off while filling out applications for people that I can barely understand. What's up with that southern accent anyway? It's terrible. And let's not talk about the phone reception. Yesterday I was trying to talk to a man about his claim and it sounded like I was talking to the teacher in those Chalie Brown cartoons. "WhaWhaWha WhaWhaWha" . . . "Um, ok sir . . . did you say your house had flood damage?" "WhaWhaWha WhaWhaWha!"

It's becoming more and more likely that I'll let the interview with the internet giant come and go without me showing up. It would be nice to work for them, but you never know when one of those places is going to sell you out *ahem*EARTHLINK*ahem* and outsource your job somewhere where they can pay someone $1.25/hr and not have to pay taxes or social security for them. Oh well . . . my recommendation, if you have a certain internet provider . . . make the switch to cable with your local cable provider. Sure, they may suck donkey nuts *ahem*ADELPHIA*ahem* but at least you know that they have employees living and working in your city. I don't recommend DSL 'cause it's crap. And you don't want the tech support nightmare that is having to call someone in India or the Phillipines.

So, what was offered to me? Well . . . let me copy and paste making sure to censor a couple of key elements while still keeping all the pertinent information.

Base: $**,***/yr ($**/hr paid bi-weekly) plus bonuses

Bonuses: Bonus structure is laid out in Salary Agreement which is signed at the start of employment with ***** Software

Benefits:
Medical, Dental, and Vision Plan – Employee premium paid by company, employee pays for dependent coverage. Company pays premium for $50,000 life insurance policy as well as Short Term and Long Term Disability insurance.

10 paid holidays per year – New Years’ Day, Martin Luther King Day, President’s Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Friday after Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve Day, and Christmas.

5 Paid Sick Days per year

One week paid vacation after one full year of service. Two weeks paid vacation after two full years of service. Three weeks paid vacation after five full years of service. Four weeks paid vacation after eight full years of service.

I don't anticipate being with this company for more than a couple of years, so regretfully, I won't be seeing this four weeks of vacation. But who knows, maybe I won't move to Sacramento next year to work for a computer manufacturer and hip youth icon. As much as I want to move there, sticking around with this company might for a bit might pay out. They're expanding rapidly, from 25 employees a couple of years ago to just under 100 now, and looking to have 600 by the end of 2007. That might put me in some sort of management position in the near future.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Busy, Take a Number

Yeah, I've been busy lately. You know, with waking up every morning this week at 3:30 AM to get to the job with FEMA at 4:30 AM and not being able to hop on the internet at all while there . . . it really takes the time away from me. It's not like at Earthlink where I could pretty much be online all day long while taking calls. Just thought I'd throw out a little update for the scores of loyal and devoted BAFW fan(s).

Helping out these disaster stricken people has been marginally rewarding. I'm not as big as a heartless bastard as I come across . . . most of the time. I've met a couple of cool people while working there, and even though I will most likely never see them again after this week, the sporadic small talk conversation has eased the utter inconvenience that is waking up that early everyday.

And why am I most likely not going to see these people anymore after this week. That small software company is on the verge of making me an offer. It doesn't pay as much as I would want to . . . but there are possibilities of advancement. Also, bonuses, and most importantly . . . benefits. Something that up until this point in my professional working career I had only heard about. It's a pretty exciting time right now since an internet giant is also after me. I might just end up stuck in some dead end job like with the Earthlink gig . . . so I'm most likely going to go with the smaller software company. The commutes are almost identical . . . give or take a tenth of a mile or so.

The one good thing about getting out of work at 1 PM is having all this free time that should be spent sleeping. But I'm not one for doing the right thing. Besides, my wife finds ways to keep me up . . ahem ahem . . .

One of those things I get to do that I wouldn't have if I didn't have the whole afternoon off is I get to watch the first season of Lost on DVD. Goddamn that's a great show. I recommend it as a purchase to anyone out there looking to get 24 hrs worth of quality television programming in one shot. Also, the new season premieres on the 21st of this month, so it would be a pretty damn good idea to catch up on the last season if you missed it last year.

It's time that I get going to dinner with my wife and his father and some friends. We're celebrating a bit of a milestone for her. I'm really proud of her and the extreme amount of self-control she has exhibited in the past two months. It makes me happy to see her doing good and sticking with something that will ultimately lead our family in the right direction.

So, nothing sarcastic today . . . Nothing poking fun at celebrities or posting goofy pictures or cursing something out or whatnot. It will return once a certain measure of stability returns to my daily schedule. Til then, keep an eye out for random postings. And maybe even a review of a CD that someone e-mailed me. Something the kids are calling . . . "hip-hop"?

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Please Report for Re-Education & Guilt-Conditioning

The training process for new jobs can be somewhat of an entertaining process. And usually, it takes about two weeks. I went in for my first and only training day with the FEMA disaster relief company. I felt like I wanted to rip the powerpoint projector off the wall and beat my face in with it. It was pretty much the most boring process I've had to endure within the past few years.

It was a ton of inane information about who FEMA is, and what this acronym (or anacronym as the trainer called them) meant, and what this program did and how to log into this and use the computer phone that. Pretty much simple, basic customer service stuff. I guess if they had the agencies they used for headhunting get them people with CS-experience (like myself) instead of just getting any regular (wo)man of the street . . . training would maybe have been cut in half.

So, the 8 hour day comes to an end at 3 pm yesterday (they had us show up at 6 am) and towards the end they march us into another class's training room so that Human Resources can tell us about scheduling. The start off by saying just how important this project is and how greatful they are to be handling it and how half-assed their infrastructure is . . . these people are literally changing what they say every minute. Case in point. They wanted everyone to start work today. Everyone was to show up at 5:30 am and work through 2 pm. Saturday and Sunday. Well, this was not going to fly with me, in an hour an a half, I'm going to be loaded into a Chrysler 300 along with my family and we're out to Las Vegas for the weekend. So, literally while she's dropping this schedule bomb on us, "Old Yeller" ('cause he was old and wearing a yellow shirt) comes in an whispers something in her ear.

Turns out they didn't need us to come in at 5:30 after all. No, now they are requiring everyone to show up at 4:30 am . . . on both weekend days. Are they fucking kidding me? Oh, but they use the justification: "We'll, at least that's better than not having water for 3 days". And the crowd goes "aww . . . ". I had to use every muscle in my body to not scream out "BULLSHIT!" Seriously, how dare they guilt trip 150 people into being at work @ 4:30 am like that. It's not my fault that Hurricane Katrina hit Louisiana. I in no way should be made to feel obligated to sacrifice my weekend plans (which had been in place for months now) because a company made me feel bad.

So I learn that Old Yeller is the guy who will be managing the project. I get a hold of him and explain my situation to him, and he tells me to wait in the hall along with some other people and that he'd be resolving scheduling conflicts. This is done . . . of course . . . off the clock. But fine, I need to speak to this guy or else I won't be able to do this job while my other job leads materialize (which they slowly are . . . the internet giant called me in for an interview). So a crowd of 35 people mob this guy, and I am right up in front. I figure I'm going to get this done with fairly quickly. I was not counting on experiencing the phenomena that I witnessed.

Now, I love black people. I have no problems with them, they're cool and everything but yesterday . . . they displayed a strange behavorial pattern that sort of baffled me and ate up about 35 minutes of my time. I guess it could be a sort of "slavery reparation" mentality where they feel the world owes them . . not just white people, but everyone in the world, for what was done to them in the 1800's and they display this feeling by totally cutting in line in front of people who were rightfully ahead of them. It's weird. This happened 10 - 15 times before I was able to talk to Old Yeller about my scheduling conflict. I just don't understand how these people can do this. Eh . . . who cares in the end. I got out of there and with the weekend off to head out to Las Vegas.

So, wish us luck bitches. I am planning on coming back to Los Angeles rich . . . so all you bastards better be crossing your fingers for me. . . . or else.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Line Up and Die

Usually when one stands in line . . . said line starts moving, and shortly that person gets through the line. I spent 4 hours in a line today. Standing. Bored. Speaking with random strangers and sighing a lot along with 250 other people. No, I wasn't in line for a cool concert. No, I wasn't at the DMV or some sort of government agency. And no, I was not stuck in Disneyland's pre-line lines. I was at what was supposed to be a 10 minute fingerprinting trip for the job I start tomorrow.

The staffing agency had asked me to go there between 10am - 3pm for that little thing. They said it would be a snap and that I would go back the next day for training. I got there at 11am figuring that would be ok. I got there and there were just a ton of people. Apparently this company is currently hiring 6,000 employees for a 30 day stint in telephonic damage control for the victims of hurricane Katrina.

Which is great, I don't have a problem with doing the kind of job. It's the short-term gig that I need while I wait for the permanent benefit laden job that's close to home. So, there I am, standing around this ginormous cubicle farm. Looking for something to hang myself with after the 2nd hour. The line itself wasn't staggeringly long either. Not even a city block in length. The problem was with the people manning the fingerprinting devices. I guess the government had sent them in late and this was the first time they had used them. Oh, and there were only 2 of these machines for the hundreds of people standing in line.

This little delay pretty much ruined my rest of the day. I had planned on doing a couple of things and taking the wife out to lunch. But that was pre-empted by the lack of foresight this company had. No hard feelings though. I'm going in for my training tomorrow bright and early, 6 am. I just hope I get out of there before midnight. They say training would end around 3 pm . . . but you never know with these fucktards.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Interviewing is teh Suck

Yes, I know "the" is misspelled. I know someone's gonna come in here and say "You're an idiot, blah blah blah, you can't even spell the". It's supposed to be wrong. It's a joke. Shit. Ok, so yeah, I'm not in a great mood right now. I'm interviewing currently for a new job. I want to get away from the staffing agency as much as possible. I want benefits, silly me right. So I went yesterday to a court reporting company in Glendale that was seeking bookers for their court reporters.

I went in, filled out their application. Gave them a writing sample. Took a personality test. Took an IQ test. Took an aptitude test. Yeah, the hoops were being thrown at me and I was expected to jump through them. And I did. The hiring guy was ready to offer me a job. Not the pay I was looking for, but it had benefits. Full medical/dental/vision paid by them. And a 401k. Not that I would use it, but it's nice to have it available.

After spending a cumulative 4 hours in their offices, the hiring guy tells me that I'm in the top 5% for the IQ test results and my aptitude test came out great. Now I have to do a 2nd interview, so he walks me over to a conference room where I sit around for a few minutes. A woman comes in and asks all the same questions the hiring guy asked me. At the end, she tells me to sit tight, and after a few more minutes, a 3rd guy comes in (this one with a British accent) and re-asks me the same questions all over again. By now, the hoops I'm jumping through are on fire. Finally, a few min's after the third round of interviewing, the hiring guy comes around and apologizes to me. He says "I'm sorry, I think you're a great guy but they don't think you'd be a good fit for our company". Shit!!

This is what I hate about the interviewing process. They're always looking for the best bullshitter. The one that will say all the right things instead of being honest. I'm not great at spewing bull manure from my mouth, so naturally, I don't do great at these things. Sure, I had never done any kind of work in the field that I was applying for, but that's never stopped me from getting all the other jobs that I've had.

Today I have to go phony-it up at another office down the street from the one that rejected me yesterday. This is actually a re-scheduling of yesterdays interview that I went to during the interview for the bastards that turned me down. This is a software company who's sales manager was too busy to see me yesterday at my appointed time. I sat in their reception area for over an hour, close to an hour and a half. I was not too happy about that, but I live so close to that area that I don't mind going there again. I'm not sure if I should voice my displeasure of them wasting my time yesterday, but I need the job. So I'll just have to slap on a shit-eating grin and just say fuck it.

If all else fails, the staffing agency has set up a job for me tomorrow working for FEMA. Yeah, the Federal Emergency Management Association. I would be taking calls from people that lost everything during the hurricane. It's a decent paying gig, but not permanent. And no benefits. No sick days. No paid holidays. Just a solid 40 hours/week. At this rate I'm actually considering apprenticing for a journeyman's card in driving construction equipment. That's not my thing, but heck. I'll do whatever is needed to support my family.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Technorati Fishing

Labor Day edition! Not that it has anything to do with the holiday, but since I'm not working, might as well post something instead. So, let's dive in.

1. Katrina - It's been about a week since I did this, and then, as now, Katrina was the top search word on Technorati. People must really want to know about this little tropical storm. What? Full blown hurricane. Really? Hundreds dead? Hmm. . . Leave it to the ones named after women to wreak the most devastation. For the future, if you're living on the east coast, and you notice the National Weather Service talking about a hurricane named Pre-Menstrual Syndrome . . . move to Iowa.

2. Kanye West - No, not a hurricane. Not even a type of cloud. The rapper has been pretty vocal about the way the media portrays this and that and the way that the hip hop community treats this and that. The only reason I'm being somewhat vague about his opinions is that these days, celebrities seem to jump on whatever bandwagon is close to them. So, I'm not up on the "Cause du Jour". Maybe it's stomping on crying babies. It's a possibility.

3. New Orleans - So, it's underwater now huh? I guess the thousands of tourists that head there every year for the festival of debauchery that is Mardi Gras will have to find another place to exchange beads for titty exposure. Seriously speaking for a second or two though . . . this is tragic. I didn't think it would be this bad when I started hearing things on the news about this hurricane. So, if you can help in any way . . . do it. Either via the Red Cross or whatever charity you preffer.

4. Natalie Glebova-
What's the big deal with this chick. Sure, she's Miss Universe . . . but she ain't no chopped liver. Mmmm . . . chopped liver.

5. Kanye West Video - More Kanye huh? What's this about? Whatever video he just released where he makes some sort of social discourse about the differences in the way whites and blacks are perceived? I stopped caring about this back in the late 90's. Racism just bores me. I've never really participated in being racist, and by that same token, never taken action against it. I'll leave that to the Kanye's of the world. Besides, I wouldn't want to horn in on his cash flow. 'Cause he's a revolutionary on a budget yo.

6. Hurricane Katrina - Help.

7. Aaron Broussard -
Nothing sadder than seeing a grown man cry. Well . . . seeing The Sal banging Shreks could be considered sad . . . but it's more along the lines of horrific. Who is Aaron Broussard? From what I've read, he's the president of Jefferson's Parrish . . . which I'm guessing is in one of the hurricane affected areas. And he's right, GW Bush is too busy fighting his daddy's wars to care much about what's happening in our own country. This tragedy is nothing more than a photo-op for the bastard.

8. Celine Dion - What the hell could anyone want to know about Celine Dion? Seriously. Who cares about this french-canadian bitch. She can't sing, she's married to a giant corpse . . . she's ugly. There, that's all you'll ever need to know. Move on.

9. Loonatics - This must be something Nelly-related. Is this his new line of cheek band-aids? Do they come in crazy colors. Or dare I say it . . . Loonatic Colours. Notice the alternate spelling of color. It's Kah-razzy.

10. Anderson Cooper - This is the CNN guy right. White hair, personable face. Could be your dad if you were rich and white. He's covering the Katrina fallout right? I wouldn't know. I don't watch CNN. But I hear he's a stand up guy. Like this one time, he walked by a hooker and turned her into the Virgin Mary. That great.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Screen Cap Conflagration

No trailers today. Rather, for those with slow connections, I'll just provide a screen cap with a little bit of information about the upcoming movie.
Yes, for those who are fans of Euro-trashy vampires and balding werewolves, Underworld:Evolution will be hitting theathers soon. I was only marginally amused with the first outing, but this might make a good rental.
The Exorcism of Emily Rose, which I have linked a trailer to last week or so . . . will knock your damn socks off when you go watch it. I have not seen a scarier PG13 outing ever. Even my wife, who is known for being a bit of a pussy when it comes to watching scary movies, will be watching this with me opening weekend. I'm going to need one of those falcon handling gloves.
There's no way this is going to be as good as the original one. But, it's got one of the hot chicks from Lost. And that Tom Welling is so dreamy *sigh*.
This will be a fond reminder of what Natalie Portman looked like before she decided to shave her head for this movie and then going with the mohawk. This one's for you Heather.
Zathura is like a space Jumanji . . .actually, that is exactly what it is since it's supposed to be some sort of a continuation of that story. I'm a little sketchy on the details, but Jon Favreau is directing. I enjoyed his Elf movie from a couple of years ago. His kid films are adult friendly. They could be a little more adult friendly if they had strippers, but whatever.

Killer Stripper

I've refused many a lapdance from strippers. Sometimes, they just look a little cracked out and skanky. Ok, I know they're strippers and are supposed to look slutty and all, but when the stripper has stretch-marks and cecesarian section scars running down the full length of her stomach . . . you just have to say no. Good thing I don't live in San Diego anymore, or something like this would have happened to me.
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - An angry San Diego topless dancer pulled out a knife and stabbed a customer after he refused a lap dance, police said on Thursday.
I've never been to a Dreamgirls . . . but I'm thinking they should change the name of the place to Nightmaregirls. Or at least "We'll Cut You if you say NO"-Girls.
Lawanda Dixon, 24, was arrested for assault with a deadly weapon shortly after the altercation with 33-year-old Melik Jordan at the Dream Girls Cabaret early on Wednesday, San Diego police Det. Gary Hassen said. "He was in the club with some friends watching the shows when she came up and asked if he wanted a lap dance," Hassen said. "He said no, she got upset about it, they argued back and forth. She pulled knife out of her bag and stabbed him." Dixon was taken into custody and police found methamphetamine in a small metal container in Dixon's bag, Hassen said, adding that she may face drug charges. Officers also confiscated a small folding knife.
What have we learned today kids? When presented with an offer by a scuzzy looking stripper, always say yes and when she's walking towards the lapdance booth . . . run the other way. If you say no upfront, you might just end up getting stabbed by a speed junkie. Unless you like getting stabbed. Then . . .go right ahead.

Unemployment Line . . Here I Come

Today is officially my last day as an employee of Earthlink. It's been almost a year and a half of dealing with irate customers, retarded customers, forgetful customers, and . . . argh! I hate customers. Anyway, as unemployment looms in the horizon, a few beacons of light are starting to appear in the distance.

I have two interviews scheduled for Tuesday about 5 miles from where I live. One's a customer service (argh!!) position and the other one is an inside sales position. I'm somewhat interested in the sales because it's not telemarketing. The customers call in looking to buy. So, it can't be that hard. Even though I hate people, the customer service position does have an appropiate pay rate that might make it tolerable to work there. And both these places are close to home. With recent gas price hikes, this has become a real concern for me.

On Thursday of next week I have another position for a telcom customer service position. It's supposed to be a luxury company for people that don't like paying what the regular folks like you and me pay for their cellphone bills. It would require me to pamper them like the spoiled rich babies that they are, but hey . . . at the hourly rate they're offering, that's no problem.

I'm still waiting to hear from the first company that I applied to for an inside sales position. That one fell by the wayside, but my resume made it's way to the customer service manager via my contact in the company. I might be better suited for that department, and their offices are right next to the two places where I'm interviewing on Tuesday. This would be an ideal area to find employment in.

I do need to take the luxury of declining the positions that I nailed via interview on Wednesday of this week. Sure, I could start working at either of these places on Tuesday of next week . . . but the pay is all wrong and the office environments are not up to par with my spoiled cubicle tastes. And the commutes are tough. They're about 15 miles away from where I live and not exactly freeway accessible.

So, wish me luck bitches. Unless I start making thousands of dollars overnight from ad revenue, I'm going to need it.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Jolie Steals Baby

Allegedly of course, it's all still up in the air as to wether an 18 year old woman named Mentewab Dawit is the actual mother of baby Zahara. Angelina Jolie stands by her claim that the baby's mother was dead and that the baby was an orphan when she acquired her. Dawit claims she was forced to put the baby up for adoption when she couldn't afford to feed her.

Does this woman not know who she is trying to pick a fight with? This is Angelina Jolie. Just look at her. She's freaking nuts. She didn't carry a vial of Billy Bob Thornton's blood around for a couple of years 'cause it was romantic. If you want a piece of advice Mentewab, just let it go. You gave up the child for adoption anyway. If you weren't forced to, the little tyke would have died of malnutrition. And you don't want Jolie to break out her knife collection. You know she's got one, and you better believe she knows how to use them. She's just that kind of woman. I bet you she thought the bayonet-dildo in Seven was just what was missing from her sex-toy repetoire.
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